Best friend never replying to my messages anymore. Please help :(

Ok, so since the summer holidays she has rarely ever messaged me back. We used to always message each other for hours every day after school but she now only bothers to reply back to my messages like once in a month! I'm pretty sure that she doesn't hate me because we still talk and hang out together at school.

But the thing I find the most annoying is that she always complains that she's too busy messaging her 'other friends' on Facebook until 2am and yet she never replies to me. I feel like I'm getting replaced by her 'other friends' especially this one girl, let's call her 'Sophie' (not her real name) who actually became friends with my best friend, let's call her 'Jessie', through me. At first, Jessie didn't like Sophie and thought that she was a negative influence on me, which made me realise that Sophie is actually quite manipulative so we fell out. However, a month or so later, Sophie and Jessie became really close and I feel kind of left out and as if Jessie lied to me so that she can be friends with Sophie (who now doesn't like me) instead.

I talked to Jessie (best friend) about this at least twice since the summer (when she basically ignored/didn't bother keeping in contact with me), and she said that she was sorry for being a bad friend and that she'll try to reply to my messages, but she never does and I swear she just talks endlessly to Sophie instead!!

Btw. Sophie goes to a different school to us. Jessie says that she's only trying to be fair because she doesn't see Sophie at school so she talks to her after school. But the thing is, we don't even have time to talk to each other in school either because we're both so busy with A Levels!!

Short version of above: My best friend for 5 years no longer replies back to my messages and she knows it. It's not because she's busy because she talks to other people instead. I feel like she doesn't care about me anymore and is replacing me with other people.

Is she really a true friend?

Reply 1

shawn_o1

21

Do a "Sheffield Utd patron" and drift away from the manipulator and her associates (like the patrons left the football club because they let a convicted rapist train at said club)

Reply 2

Ciranore

8

I think she wants you to take the hint

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by shawn_o1

Do a "Sheffield Utd patron" and drift away from the manipulator and her associates (like the patrons left the football club because they let a convicted rapist train at said club)

Can you actually be serious and help please if you're actually going to post? :frown:

Reply 4

shawn_o1

21

Basically, if her other friend is manipulative as you say, just run away from her (and her friends), get some new ones

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Ciranore

I think she wants you to take the hint

But she has actually told me that she really values me as a friend etc. And we've been friends for 5 years. She's never horrible or anything to me, but she just never replies to my messages and still doesn't even after I tell her. Do you really think she actually doesn't like me? :frown:

And we've had a fall out before because I thought that our friendship wasn't really there but that really affected her and she was crying and said that she really values our friendship, so I forgave her and we promised to be closer and there for each other, yet she still does this??

Reply 6

sadly

16

You deserve better, if she can't do 100% then don't settle for anything less. Friends are always there for you, support you and have fun with you but you sound sad, alone and like the 3rd wheel in this situation.

Cut her out of you life, it's for the better :rip:

Reply 7

Tj789

10

Talk it out, I know it's uncomfortable to face but if you just ignore it you'll get more paranoid and it will just bubble up. At least then you know your answer and you can say to yourself you tried, and if she's still acting like that well shes not much of a friend let a lone best friend

However, saying all this seeing as you dont go to the same school as each other (I presume) then I dont think shes purposly being horrible. Its natural friends drifting a part, and she's probz loads busy. I mean I have replied to my friends message in days (seriously) I know that sounds bad but I just dont get the time to keep messaging people anymore.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by shawn_o1

Basically, if her other friend is manipulative as you say, just run away from her (and her friends), get some new ones

It's really hard to make new friends, especially at a school where everyone's been together for 5 years so friendship groups have already formed etc. :frown:

Reply 9

Ciranore

8

I think you're better of without her like someone else said :smile:

You can do better than that, doesn't sound like a real friend at all.

But you could always approach her about it. Personally I wouldn't bother, she doesn't seem to be worth the hassle.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by sadly

You deserve better, if she can't do 100% then don't settle for anything less. Friends are always there for you, support you and have fun with you but you sound sad, alone and like the 3rd wheel in this situation.

Cut her out of you life, it's for the better :rip:

Thank you so much. This is the first proper reply I've had. And yes, I was actually going to cut off our friendship last summer, but she got really upset about it considering we've been together for 5 years etc. And she promised that she'd try harder at being a better friend but that hasn't really worked. I just don't know, because it would be a waste to let go of a 5 year friendship, but at the same time, I feel like I'm the only one who wants to be friends?? :/

Reply 11

Anonymous #2

I understand its really sad to be like away from ur best friend and not getting attention from her(kind of). Have you try and talk to her and tell her how you feel about it? will this makes things better, i think if you two are reli good friends, she shall understand you. On the other hand, you should try and have some other friends as well, though i understand this doesnt seem easy, but just having some other company for you alongside your best friend.
I have one friend who used to be close to me for a long time, but we no longer were that close, it just feel so awful, I do absolutely understand this girl. Cheer UP :smile:

Reply 12

Safiya122

15

Original post by Ciranore

I think she wants you to take the hint

This. I think she doesn't want to be close to you like she used to be. It's normal for people to drift away from friends - it happens.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Tj789

Talk it out, I know it's uncomfortable to face but if you just ignore it you'll get more paranoid and it will just bubble up. At least then you know your answer and you can say to yourself you tried, and if she's still acting like that well shes not much of a friend let a lone best friend

However, saying all this seeing as you dont go to the same school as each other (I presume) then I dont think shes purposly being horrible. Its natural friends drifting a part, and she's probz loads busy. I mean I have replied to my friends message in days (seriously) I know that sounds bad but I just dont get the time to keep messaging people anymore.

I've already had a talk to her about this, right before the summer holidays, and saying that I felt like I was the only one concerned about our friendship etc and that I'm tired and sick of her not replying which resulted in her crying and saying that she loves me as a friend and she really values me etc. She promised to try and be a better friend but the thing is, she hasn't kept that promise.

And we do go to the same school. It's her other friend that goes to a different school who she talks to more than to me.

Thanks so much for your reply though. I'm just so confused at what to do because even though she's indirectly hurting me, I don't want to let go of a really good 5 year friendship :frown:

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Ciranore

I think you're better of without her like someone else said :smile:

You can do better than that, doesn't sound like a real friend at all.

But you could always approach her about it. Personally I wouldn't bother, she doesn't seem to be worth the hassle.

Thanks so much for your reply. I feel like I can actually do better than this. Hopefully, when I'm in uni in 2 years, I'll make much better friends :smile:

Just not so sure how to address this at the moment because friendship groups have already formed at school so it's hard to make new friends (especially as everybody in our school has been together for 5 years).

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Safiya122

This. I think she doesn't want to be close to you like she used to be. It's normal for people to drift away from friends - it happens.

Thanks. I guess people sometimes drift apart... :frown:

Reply 16

sadly

16

Original post by Anonymous

Thank you so much. This is the first proper reply I've had. And yes, I was actually going to cut off our friendship last summer, but she got really upset about it considering we've been together for 5 years etc. And she promised that she'd try harder at being a better friend but that hasn't really worked. I just don't know, because it would be a waste to let go of a 5 year friendship, but at the same time, I feel like I'm the only one who wants to be friends?? :/

You gave her chance. You tried your best and you confronted the problem. You did that all, but honestly what has she done to salvage your 5 year friendship? Nothing

And there's nothing more you can do. you've done your part, be proud of yourself for fighting for yourself and her- but it's done :smile:

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by sadly

You gave her chance. You tried your best and you confronted the problem. You did that all, but honestly what has she done to salvage your 5 year friendship? Nothing

And there's nothing more you can do. you've done your part, be proud of yourself for fighting for yourself and her- but it's done :smile:

Thank you so much. This is the best advice I've had. Thank you!! It made me realise that I'm not the one at fault and that I have actually done everything I can to fix our friendship.

What do you think I should do then? I will try and not care about whether she replies or not, but I'm not sure how to face her at school - should I act as usual or should I try ignoring her (but not in an obvious way)?

Reply 18

Tiger Rag

22

If she was a true friend, she would make time for you. Even if it's 5 minutes here and there. I don't think she's a real friend at all.

I do think (if you can) that you two really need to talk. Sounds like you both have different ideas of what a friendship is.

Reply 19

sadly

16

Original post by Anonymous

Thank you so much. This is the best advice I've had. Thank you!! It made me realise that I'm not the one at fault and that I have actually done everything I can to fix our friendship.

What do you think I should do then? I will try and not care about whether she replies or not, but I'm not sure how to face her at school - should I act as usual or should I try ignoring her (but not in an obvious way)?

I have been in this situation before, but do not ignore her. She will know what you're doing and either become your enemy or beg for forgiveness.

I would make her a "Hi-Bye" friend. Detach yourself from her but when you see her around just say hi, avoid her as much as possible but if she catches you, strike a 5 minute conversation and say you have work to do and that you're extremely busy.

Hope I helped x

(edited 9 years ago)

Best friend never replying to my messages anymore. Please help :(

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