Friendship issues

I've been friends with this person for around 14 years. We're apparently "best friends" but the thing is...they don't talk to me about their life or well, anything. It's gotten to the point where, over the last year, I've let time between replying to messages increase. Idk if replying is just keeping the connection going for the sake of it rather than me being interested anymore.

We used to go shopping (because it's the only thing she wants to do) but it's not shopping it's just "window shopping". Anytime I suggest an activity she just stared at me. But, back to shopping, when we used to go, I had to talk for the whole time-and I mean the whole time. So if we went for 6 hours to Manchester or somewhere, I'd have to talk the whole time. On top of this, she doesn't leave my side-to the point where if I peek around a corner of a stand (jewelry or something) if I lean back I'm bumping into her. She won't go off and look on her own. She literally makes me feel like I'm her mother and I've dragged her along.

I'll ask her what she ate the night before (literally anything just to get her to speak) and she'll say she can't remember or just shrug. I get some people are quiet but after 14 years idk I would think she would start speaking?!

On top of this, I always got the feeling she is jealous because I'm quite bubbly and will talk to anyone. It's manifested in things such as doing things that I couldn't do as it wasn't feasible at the time (even though she had no interest) just for her to humblebrag (online mind you because, again, girl doesn't speak). I got my cat around 4 years ago (owned around 7 in my lifetime) and despite never owning one, all of a sudden it was like she was the authority on cats and knew everything about them and would patronise me and talk to me like I don't have a clue.

I recently got a new job and with that job comes co-workers who actually speak about things and I think it's been so nice that the thought of going anywhere with this girl, just to talk to myself for 6 hours, feels like a prison sentence. I always feel so drained afterwards.

idk what I'm hoping to achieve with this post. There is so much more I could say on instances where it's really odd. In some ways I do feel bad about ignoring her but genuinely the thought of replying makes me want to cry as we have nothing in common anymore.

Reply 1

Arctic Kitten

Maybe for now just keep a distance? It gives you time and space to really think things over. Do you want to be with that friend? What is great about her, why is she not talking? What is your expectation for her? After all she went 14 year being comfortably quiet next to you, why do you think she would change and want her to speak more? Does she like being with you? Does she spend any effort to make you happy?

Or just talk to her. Do you like me, are you jealous of me, why do you never talk, do you consider me best friend or just a long term acquaintance? I'm not shy to ask my best friend this, and if you feel awkward asking these, maybe your 14 year friendship isn't as strong as you think.

I have tried to keep connections that clearly wouldn't work out just because we had been friends for x years. People grow up and change (in this case, likely you), it's fine to leave your friendship as a pretty memory in the past and make new friends.