Your life is not pointless, OP. You have so many people around you ready to suppot you, and you are not alone. If you really want to save this relationship, you NEED to take contol of your temper, and you NEED to start by loving yourself and making an improvement. Your feelings were justified, but your actions werent.
Now, just step away from the situation, dont pester him any longer, give him space and time, make yourself a nice cuppa and try to relax. Dont beat yourself up about what happened. It couldve been a lot worse and in time you both will get over this. But you need to start by getting up, and feeling motivated to find a job and try to improve yourself as a person. You cannot keep having angry bursts like this, it gets draining. It will ruin the relationship. Certainly, you were not trying to be violent at all. You just lost your cool and got over your head and made a mistake. Its happened now. Best thing you can do now is move forward and make sure something like this never happens again.