boyfriend calling me names

the reasoning behind all of his anger might be a little inappropriate and a little personal for this forum, but i was reading into a lot of things recently and the words he uses against me are just hurtful and i don’t think anyone should have to go through it no matter what they’ve done.

anyways, to start this off, when me and my boyfriend met around seven months ago, we basically became best friends in an instant. i could trust him with a lot and honestly i trusted him with almost everything. when we got together a month after i didn’t expect us to last super long, now i know we haven’t been together for a while, but a month ago now, the incident happened. (which is a bit too personal for me to share, but i’ll do my best at making me seem in the wrong because i was.) whenever he got mad at me i always felt alone, we would always argue which i knew wasn’t healthy, but he wouldn’t let me leave, so i just honestly tried to fix things and move on and try to better both of us (mind you this is before the incident.) so after the incident of course things got way worse, which i understand. i know it’s hard to build trust up again and patience, but recently it’s been really really bad. so recently we’ve been sending a couple things back and forth to get our mind off of it, but now that’s all it feels like he wants, whenever we talk like normal it always ends up being an argument, now i’ve tried telling him to leave or find someone better, but he keeps resorting to killing himself? i mean i’ve been in the situation of someone threatening to end their lives because of me, but i’d never thought it’d be this bad. i want the best for him, i really do. i suggested he had just moved on and found someone new, but i don’t understand why he would wanna stay with me. moving on to the part of him calling me names, he’s called me a h03, a sk4nk, anything along those lines you name it. he just told me to kms today, and he’s said i was dead to him before. i guess i’ve been too attached and i’ve still been trying, i’ve been doing my best to comfort him and help him, but he won’t take it in? all i’m trying to do is help myself and him move on, he says he’s sorry and he just says those mean names when he’s mad, but he keeps doing it, i don’t think he’s really sorry. i’ve gone into so much to prove that i’m sorry for what happened. i’ve lost countless hours of sleep, we’re 16 time zone difference right now because he’s on a family vacation, but it’s just hard as well. i’ve been reading everything on how to be better, and trying my hardest to help him be happy but all i get is attitude back, i don’t know what to do because i just want the best for him, but i don’t really want to leave him. but i should.

anyways, i don’t know what i expected out of this, i guess i just wanted someone to read it and write their opinions on it because i’m completely lost. (also sorry if i made any typos, he’s currently texting me how bad of a person i am and i’m multitasking in the moment.)

Reply 1

JDSensations

Sounds like a toxic relationship that might very well be set for failure if this is happening already.

Can I ask how old you both are? If still pretty young then it might be best to just break ties and move on no matter how hard that might seem right now, you don't wat things to escalate. It would be much harder of a situation if married with kids and been together long term but if you have only been together a short time I would take it as a sign to leave.

He can't use black mail with threats to harming himself to guilt you into being with him but I understand you don't want to be responsible if he did do anything.
He should consider seeking some help, speak about what is going on in his head.

This incident that happened might also be too much for you both to move past and recover.

Sorry if I seem all doom and gloom but it all just seems unhealthy and 7 months of a relationship dealing with this environment already for me seems too unhealthy.

Reply 2

StriderHort

Original post by Anonymous

i mean i’ve been in the situation of someone threatening to end their lives because of me, but i’d never thought it’d be this bad. i want the best for him, i really do. i suggested he had just moved on and found someone new, but i don’t understand why he would wanna stay with me. moving on to the part of him calling me names, he’s called me a h03, a sk4nk, anything along those lines you name it. he just told me to kms today, and he’s said i was dead to him before.

Break up and move on, this person is awful. Cruel as it may sound, when someone makes the threat to end/harm themselves over you, you NEED to end it if you have any self respect. You can be their friend, you can offer support, but you need to accept they are not capable of a supportive romantic relationship and will just keep hurting you.

Reply 3

Surnia

The saying is "you can't help those who don't help themselves."

You don't need to help him move on, let him sort his own life out. I don't usually advocate ending things over text, but I think in this case it's justified. Tell him it's over and block him.

A lot of lessons to learn for you, too. If you were in the wrong, don't do stupid things in a relationship. If you weren't, don't be bullied; it's not a case of "he wouldn't let you leave", you decided not to. And develop your communication skills. There's too many people on here rely too heavily on messaging instead of opening their mouths and talking.

Finally, if you're going to put a lot of trust in someone so quickly, and do something wrong to them, are there issues in your life that you need help with? If so, seek support.