Feel uncomfortable with boyfriend going clubbing

username3832020

My bf goes to a lot of clubbing nights because he is still at uni and is part of a lot of societies. I don't like clubbing because I am claustrophobic and I work two jobs so I couldn't go even if I wanted to.

I don't feel comfortable with him going clubbing because he gets drunk and when there are a lot of scantily clad girls there he can easily end up cheating on me while at a club. His friends are also always encouraging him to dump me because they don't like me. They think I'm snobby because my parents are rich even though my parents never give me money.

My ex cheated on me before when he was at a club so I already have a bad experience. How do I tell my bf I don't like him going clubbing without coming across as clingy or over-controlling?

Reply 1

ANM775

20

Original post by Lastone123

My bf goes to a lot of clubbing nights because he is still at uni and is part of a lot of societies. I don't like clubbing because I am claustrophobic and I work two jobs so I couldn't go even if I wanted to.

I don't feel comfortable with him going clubbing because he gets drunk and when there are a lot of scantily clad girls there he can easily end up cheating on me while at a club. His friends are also always encouraging him to dump me because they don't like me. They think I'm snobby because my parents are rich even though my parents never give me money.

My ex cheated on me before when he was at a club so I already have a bad experience. How do I tell my bf I don't like him going clubbing without coming across as clingy or over-controlling?

Tell him you'd rather him not be in such environments due to what typically happens between males and females in such places, his friends encouraging to dump you, and your previous boyfriends cheating on you there

Reply 2

AzureCeleste

20

Explain the situation.
You can't stop him from clubbing, but he can take your opinion on board

Reply 3

Ladoni_Potnyye

5

tell him about how you dread him going there and ask him if there's anything he can do to give you some peace of mind. if you two end up being incompatible in this aspect, breaking up might be the best for your sanity.

Reply 4

DrawTheLine

22

Has he given you any reason for you to think he might cheat on you?

Reply 5

CTLeafez

22

Best bet is communication although you've gotta have some trust in a relationship. If you think he'd cheat on you when just in the presence of other women, why are you with him? Has he personally done anything to make you unsure of his loyalty or are you just taking worries from previous relationships forward?

Reply 6

username2965904

19

The getting drunk bit should be your main concern.

Reply 7

Student-95

20

You can tell him how you feel but it will look like you don't trust him and he will probably keep going anyway so it's probably best to keep quiet.

Reply 8

Dunnig Kruger

16

Original post by DrawTheLine

Has he given you any reason for you to think he might cheat on you?

What? Like going clubbing a lot and having friends that are putting pressure on him to split them up?

Reply 9

DrawTheLine

22

Original post by Dunnig Kruger

What? Like going clubbing a lot and having friends that are putting pressure on him to split them up?

That's not him giving a reason. If he has said "I'm tempted" then that's a reason. Just his friends pressuring him doesn't mean he himself has given a reason to think he will cheat.

Reply 10

Dunnig Kruger

16

Lastone123, do you and your boyfriend have similar attitudes to money?

On the face of it seems like you might be the earn a lot and put some aside for saving type - you have 2 jobs and rich parents.
Whilst he might be the spend it as quick or qucker than he gets it type - he's clubbing a lot on a student income.

So, even if he does cheat on you, and you break up because of it, it may be for the best in the long term, as compatible philosophies on money are essential to a happy marriage.

As for telling him what you think of his clubbing without coming over as clingy or controlling - that may be a mission impossible. Reverse psychology may be the least worst option. For example, telling him that you want him to enjoy himslef whilst he's still a student, and that if he cheated on you, you'd probably understand and would be happy for him whilst also at the same time being upset for you, and that you'd prefer it if he told you about it up front for practical STI precautions - condom sex only for 3 months followed by a full blood test for him. If he then says that you don't love him if you're willing to share, reply by saying on the contrary you love him too much and can see the world through his eyes. Also add that you'd tell him straight away if it looked like you might cheat on him, before any cheating happened - not that you're planning on doing it anyway.

At the end of the day, cheaters gonna cheat, regardless of what you say or do.
Whilst faithful types gonna stay faithful regardless of what you say or do.

Reply 11

Dunnig Kruger

16

Original post by DrawTheLine

That's not him giving a reason. If he has said "I'm tempted" then that's a reason. Just his friends pressuring him doesn't mean he himself has given a reason to think he will cheat.

Actions speak louder than words.