Approaching girls at the club

I've always been confused about how to approach girls at the club. I've seen many lads whisper something in a girls ear and 5 mins later they're making out. I've tried approaching them and talking but im not sure what to say. I usually ask their name and then ask if they are single most girls would say no and those who would say they are single ive struggled to keep the conversation going most of the time which would result in them awkwardly running away

Reply 1

Surnia

Life & Style Forum Helper

20

Not every girl who goes clubbing is there wanting to be picked up, so put yourself in their shoes and think how it comes across when a guy approaches them and the first thing he asks is "what's your name and are you single?"

Reply 2

corneredTiger

OP

2

Original post by Surnia

Not every girl who goes clubbing is there wanting to be picked up, so put yourself in their shoes and think how it comes across when a guy approaches them and the first thing he asks is "what's your name and are you single?"

Yah i get that but thats what’s bothering me what else can i say without making them uncomfortable or making the situation awkward

Reply 3

Zarek

21

You have to be a bit of a natural for it in terms of looks and dancing ability to do well in a clubbing environment. Fine to try to get chatting, then just ask if they would like to dance. Do not ask if they are single, it’s transparent that you’re desperate and presumptuous that if they are that they would want to get off with you

Reply 4

corneredTiger

OP

2

Original post by Zarek

You have to be a bit of a natural for it in terms of looks and dancing ability to do well in a clubbing environment. Fine to try to get chatting, then just ask if they would like to dance. Do not ask if they are single, it’s transparent that you’re desperate and presumptuous that if they are that they would want to get off with you

I've tried the dance technique and mostly it results in them giving me a hand id twirl them around and like we'd dance around for like 5 mins and then thats about it. I'm sure I need to throw in some words in the middle and obviously asking abt her course or uni seems like the last thing she would want me to ask her

Reply 5

Zarek

21

Original post by corneredTiger

I've tried the dance technique and mostly it results in them giving me a hand id twirl them around and like we'd dance around for like 5 mins and then thats about it. I'm sure I need to throw in some words in the middle and obviously asking abt her course or uni seems like the last thing she would want me to ask her

It’s positive if they agree to dance with you. Perhaps then suggest going to the bar for a drink and then to somewhere quieter to talk

Reply 6

Old Skool Freak

20

Original post by corneredTiger

I've always been confused about how to approach girls at the club. I've seen many lads whisper something in a girls ear and 5 mins later they're making out. I've tried approaching them and talking but im not sure what to say. I usually ask their name and then ask if they are single most girls would say no and those who would say they are single ive struggled to keep the conversation going most of the time which would result in them awkwardly running away

I'll try to help..

Given the nature of the typical club environment, how you come across is far more important than specific things you say. What do you look like? What is your vibe like? Do you seem like you belong in that environment? Are you confident or nervous etc.

Generally, the key to getting a good reception, is to make sure they're aware of you before you actually make an initial approach. Think of it like approaching a dog (I mean the animal / pet 🐕️, before anyone starts lol)... if the dog can see / hear you approaching them, 90% of the time it'll be OK; however if you sneak up on it, then obviously it's gonna get spooked (and you may even get bitten). Same sort of thing here... if you can make yourself stand out from the rest of the crowd, then they're far more likely to notice you and be receptive to your approach. Here are a few ways you can do this:-

1) Being good looking is the most obvious way (the benefits of being good looking have been done to death on this board, not going to repeat them, but it's no where near as critical or extreme as some people on here make out).

2) Be a good dancer. IMHO, ANYONE who doesn't have a physical disability can double their sex appeal by being able to dance. Please note, I'm NOT talking about being a creep and groping random women on the dancefloor, I'm talking about being able to follow a beat with some confidence. You don't have to be the British answer to Usher, Justin T or Chris Brown or auditioning for the Diversity crew... but just having a bit of rhythm will help you stand out from the rest (most people in nightclubs can't dance; trust!).

3) Being the life and soul of a party. However, if you're seen splashing the cash and buying drinks for everyone etc., you need to think about the kind of girls that may attract (e.g. gold-diggers) .

4) Go in fancy dress if the venue dress-code allows it. It's the build up to Christmas, so you can go in some Christmas themed get-up. The outfit itself provides a safe talking point, and also provides a mask for you to hide behind to make rejections seem a bit easier.

5) If you're of a different race / ethnicity to everyone else in there, this can help you stand out from crowd. However, it's one of those scenarios where it can either work really well or destroy any hope. Whether this is a good or a bad thing very much depends on the area and the type of people who go to that venue.

In general, the girls who are up for chatting to random guys tend to be out in very small groups of 2-3. I would avoid the very large groups of girls... it may seem like rich pickings, but they're more likely to be celebrating something in particular, and any guy trying to get in there is likely to be eaten alive and spat out (unless you're a stripper / kissogram). Leave those to other deluded / misguided fools lol.

Ideally, you want to get some eye-contact (preferably accompanied by smiling) before you approach. However, if you MUST make a cold approach, make sure they can see you coming. That way, if you can spot an "Oh no, he's coming over" type look, you can make a last minute diversion and avoid any awkwardness or making them feel uncomfortable.

When you open with them, don't bother with any cheesy cringe-worth chat-up lines... just keep it simple and approach with a smile and a simple, "Hey, how's it going?". Don't over-think the conversation, just keep it simple, natural getting to know you type chit-chat. You can ask who they're out with, what they think of the place etc... maybe how they know each other (if she's with a friend). Pay attention to what she's saying, and don't give it the big "I Am...".

Don't ask if she's got a boyfriend... if she has one (or she's not interested), chances are she'll mention a boyfriend pretty early on in the conversation (N.B. if she opens with "My boyfriend's over there", she's telling you to get lost) . If you can, get a "free-flowing" conversation going, and if you want to be absolutely sure she's single, when appropriate, you can say something like "Oh, bet your fella loves that eh?"). If she's got a boyfriend, she'll either agree or disagree as appropriate; however, if she's single she'll then have to say she is. Please note, unless she immediately follows it up with how great it is to be single or how a BF would be a bad move now, you can take it as red she's interested.

Spoiler

When talking, don't blow it by mentioning sex... so look at her face and not her cleavage when talking to her. No one likes the idea of being "used" for sex (especially girls, who've got the whole "sl**" factor to contend with). Openly talking about sex only really works on three types:-

a) Those who are promiscuous or work in the sex industry
b) The blunt types who speak their mind
c) The uber confident types (e.g. the career one)

Having said that, it's (normally) OK to imply sex by body language and actions (once you've established a rapport, of course). Slowly escalate things by making things more and more intimate. It's difficult to explain, but (discreetly) watching people who are confident will give you an idea of what I mean.

OK, so you're lucky enough to get some obvious signs she's into you (e.g. dirty dancing, maybe a snog) and you want to leave with her... bear in mind what I said about making it obvious about sex. Even "Do you want to come back to my place?" may be too blatant for some people. For me, I often find a generic "Do you want to get out of here?" normally works well.

Finally, definitely do NOT do any of these things (i've already mentioned them, but it's worth reiterating)

1) Grope people on the dancefloor. Don't do this, the people who do this are the ones who get really harsh rejection (e.g. F**k off!). Furthermore, until / unless she reciprocates, you're technically committing a sexual assault... which can not only land you with a criminal record, but potentially also on the sex-offenders register.

2) Cheesy Chat up lines:- I've yet to hear of anyone who's successfully pulled with a lame chat up line... most make women feel cheap, and they know they've been used on 000's of other women as well (probably unsuccessfully).

3) Perving over her:- Look at her face, to avoid staring like a psycho, form a triangle between her eyes and her mouth and shift your focus between these points. If you struggle looking into peoples eyes, you can swap the eye for an eyebrow or the corner of her glasses.

4) Don't take rejection badly:- Some guys turn into a**holes when girls say No to them. Not only does it make you seem immature and threatening, but you never know, it could only be your timing or approach that was bad and another time she may have said yes. When you do that, she'll obviously remember you as that jerk that ruined her night out, and she'll never want anything to do with you. If she's not interested, get a life, get a shot down ya face and find someone else.

Right... go get 'em tiger 😉 🐯🐅

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 7

NoDelusionsPLZ

2

Original post by corneredTiger

I've always been confused about how to approach girls at the club. I've seen many lads whisper something in a girls ear and 5 mins later they're making out. I've tried approaching them and talking but im not sure what to say. I usually ask their name and then ask if they are single most girls would say no and those who would say they are single ive struggled to keep the conversation going most of the time which would result in them awkwardly running away

Bro imagine almost all of the guys your describing whispering in their ear are saying exactly what your saying. Maybe in a more obvious and deliberate way because they understand almost everyone in the club for the same thing. The girls will go easy on you they meet nervous guys literally all the time.

Pick the right moment, be considerate. Get close and yeah just what’s your name…Now your name… I saw you over here and you looked so good I realised I had to introduce myself or live to regret it…. I don’t usually kiss girls i just met in the club but can I kiss you?

It’s either yes or no. Either way you’re surrounded by girls in the club, all unique, most searching for the same thing you are. So just shoot your shots.

Get your priorities in order, my friend.

Fear regret not rejection.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Can someone please give me something to say to approach girls at clubs or going out generally. I have been out a few times this summer and seen one or two girls glancing at me, not just once, but a few times in succession which I assume is an invitation to approach them. This doesn't happen to me all the time, it is pretty rare so it is important for me to make the most of the chances I get. But every time a girl shows interest I have a total mind blank and literally can't think of anything to say. It was really bad last weekend as there was this girl dancing near our group that I thought looked amazing, and she looked at me a couple of times, but I just had a total blank and didn't say anything. Why can some guys go up to a girl, strike up a conversation and the next minute they are laughing and swapping phone numbers, instagram facebook whatever. It is so unfair.

Reply 9

Old Skool Freak

20

Original post by Anonymous

Can someone please give me something to say to approach girls at clubs or going out generally. I have been out a few times this summer and seen one or two girls glancing at me, not just once, but a few times in succession which I assume is an invitation to approach them. This doesn't happen to me all the time, it is pretty rare so it is important for me to make the most of the chances I get. But every time a girl shows interest I have a total mind blank and literally can't think of anything to say. It was really bad last weekend as there was this girl dancing near our group that I thought looked amazing, and she looked at me a couple of times, but I just had a total blank and didn't say anything. Why can some guys go up to a girl, strike up a conversation and the next minute they are laughing and swapping phone numbers, instagram facebook whatever. It is so unfair.

Try reading my reply in this thread (post 6), it's pretty much all covered in there.

What you're describing is something called, "Paralysis by analysis" ... this is when you overthink a (simple) situation, and get yourself completely worked up about it, that you literally freeze. Quite often, it's accompanied by a stupid annoying voice that goes off in the back of your head, going on and on (and on) about how rubbish and useless you are.

Therefore, the only thing I'll add (for your case), is maybe you should try approaching a girl as soon as you notice her. That way you don't give that stupid annoying voice a chance to get going. What's more, if you approach as soon as you see her, you'll come across far more natural, and less like you're using a rehearsed pick-up routine.

Don't make the classic mistake of treating this like an academic subject, and don't keep on searching for a perfect flawless solution (it doesn't exist)... read my post, take the main points, and put them into action! Yes, there are some guys who are naturally confident with women (they genuinely love women, and women love them)... but for the majority of us mortals, we have to work at it and develop our skills, and learn through our mistakes. (trial and error.)

After all, what's the worst that can happen? She's not interested (for whatever reason)... if that happens, simply get a life, get a shot down ya face, and find someone else; it's not like the world is going to stop turning, or you'll disintegrate out of existence. On the other hand, she may fall for you; hook line and sinker 😎

(edited 6 months ago)

Approaching girls at the club

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Articles for you