been in a relationship for the better part of a year, within that time made a huge mistake of seeing an ex for casual sex when testosterene kicks, and just out flat lying to my gf saying i wasn't seeing anyone. said ex tells my partner and as can probably guess - things just end between us.
in honesty i've done similar things in the past.. (cheating) and emotions were faked emotions for mainly manipulative purposes so when being outsted came, i never really cared. the *****y part is, i kept saying i'll stop this time.. knowing that i actually love my gf - and managed to even screw up listening to myself.
i have no defence for my actions, and would do anything to turn back time. it's pathetic what i did and not excusable - and definitely learned from it.
was planning LT to marry this girl. i guess i knew the risk, but had a continuation of previous habits. maybe deep down i know i should just leave this girl to live her life - but at the same time i'm almost at a loss without her & once again directionless.
guess 3 questions:
- am i broken, is this feeling to cheat normal amongst most men?
- how do i fight back for her? (really and truly it's probably a lost cause - but if i don't atleast try, it'll be the biggest regret of my life)
also i already know what i did is vile - feel free to put me down more, but it is duly noted.
TL;DR: screwed up my relationship via senseless and uneeded cheating & lying about that. *questions above*
edit: i understand my primary fault is a sense of discipline in my personal life - and currently taking active steps to try resolve that and form a moral structure.