I’d like some advice
First off, I love my boyfriend and everything is going really well, but I have some slight concerns:
1) he’s quite a big smoker
This is something that was initially a deal breaker for me, but I didn’t realise he was a smoker until I got to know him and liked him so much that I thought I’d just deal with it.
It’s partly due to the fact that his housemate smokes, because he’s always got someone to smoke with. However he does smoke on his own too, and not round me, because he knows I don’t like it.
He’s also mentioned quitting for me, and he’s said that he’s partly smoking because it’s the routine of it. He said quitting is “on the cards” but hasn’t said anything else. He also has admitted to being addicted.
2) he’s also quite considerably overweight, to the point where his doctor (who he sees for MH issues) has asked him to lose weight and asks him if he’s doing exercise when he has an appointment
He’s partly like this because he’s a PhD student and so a lot of what he does is sitting still writing, paired with the fact he really likes cooking.
He talks about this quite a lot, but his view is that he doesn’t want to pay for a gym because he can just cycle and run etc, but he just doesn’t do it.
I suppose I’m asking whether I should bring it up, and if I should how should I do it?
I love him, and I can quite easily deal with both of these as they are, but it’s just not ideal
1) he’s quite a big smoker
This is something that was initially a deal breaker for me, but I didn’t realise he was a smoker until I got to know him and liked him so much that I thought I’d just deal with it.
It’s partly due to the fact that his housemate smokes, because he’s always got someone to smoke with. However he does smoke on his own too, and not round me, because he knows I don’t like it.
He’s also mentioned quitting for me, and he’s said that he’s partly smoking because it’s the routine of it. He said quitting is “on the cards” but hasn’t said anything else. He also has admitted to being addicted.
2) he’s also quite considerably overweight, to the point where his doctor (who he sees for MH issues) has asked him to lose weight and asks him if he’s doing exercise when he has an appointment
He’s partly like this because he’s a PhD student and so a lot of what he does is sitting still writing, paired with the fact he really likes cooking.
He talks about this quite a lot, but his view is that he doesn’t want to pay for a gym because he can just cycle and run etc, but he just doesn’t do it.
I suppose I’m asking whether I should bring it up, and if I should how should I do it?
I love him, and I can quite easily deal with both of these as they are, but it’s just not ideal
Original post by Anonymous
First off, I love my boyfriend and everything is going really well, but I have some slight concerns:
1) he’s quite a big smoker
This is something that was initially a deal breaker for me, but I didn’t realise he was a smoker until I got to know him and liked him so much that I thought I’d just deal with it.
It’s partly due to the fact that his housemate smokes, because he’s always got someone to smoke with. However he does smoke on his own too, and not round me, because he knows I don’t like it.
He’s also mentioned quitting for me, and he’s said that he’s partly smoking because it’s the routine of it. He said quitting is “on the cards” but hasn’t said anything else. He also has admitted to being addicted.
2) he’s also quite considerably overweight, to the point where his doctor (who he sees for MH issues) has asked him to lose weight and asks him if he’s doing exercise when he has an appointment
He’s partly like this because he’s a PhD student and so a lot of what he does is sitting still writing, paired with the fact he really likes cooking.
He talks about this quite a lot, but his view is that he doesn’t want to pay for a gym because he can just cycle and run etc, but he just doesn’t do it.
I suppose I’m asking whether I should bring it up, and if I should how should I do it?
I love him, and I can quite easily deal with both of these as they are, but it’s just not ideal
1) he’s quite a big smoker
This is something that was initially a deal breaker for me, but I didn’t realise he was a smoker until I got to know him and liked him so much that I thought I’d just deal with it.
It’s partly due to the fact that his housemate smokes, because he’s always got someone to smoke with. However he does smoke on his own too, and not round me, because he knows I don’t like it.
He’s also mentioned quitting for me, and he’s said that he’s partly smoking because it’s the routine of it. He said quitting is “on the cards” but hasn’t said anything else. He also has admitted to being addicted.
2) he’s also quite considerably overweight, to the point where his doctor (who he sees for MH issues) has asked him to lose weight and asks him if he’s doing exercise when he has an appointment
He’s partly like this because he’s a PhD student and so a lot of what he does is sitting still writing, paired with the fact he really likes cooking.
He talks about this quite a lot, but his view is that he doesn’t want to pay for a gym because he can just cycle and run etc, but he just doesn’t do it.
I suppose I’m asking whether I should bring it up, and if I should how should I do it?
I love him, and I can quite easily deal with both of these as they are, but it’s just not ideal
Sit him down and have and adult talk. "Im worried about your health...." kinda thing.
With those habits, the guy is gonna die young. If you are thinking of a long, happy life together, be aware that it won't be that long...
Original post by Anonymous
With those habits, the guy is gonna die young. If you are thinking of a long, happy life together, be aware that it won't be that long...
That’s why I want to help him change them, but I’m not sure how to do it
Hey. I think that you should sit down and talk to him about how you're worries about his health and you want to help him. Offer him more productive solutions, like that you could go running with him and maybe find something that will help him stop smoking, like patches or apparently sven just chewing gum
How do I bring it up, because I don’t want to offend him or be really pushy about it, but at the same time I feel like I need to say something
Original post by Anonymous
That’s why I want to help him change them, but I’m not sure how to do it
The exercise bit is easy - take up some kind of exercise together. The smoking bit is more difficult. He would probably benefit from getting smoking cessation help.
Thank you! I’ll definitely try it, I might try and say it in the context of new year resolutions as well
Original post by Anonymous
The exercise bit is easy - take up some kind of exercise together. The smoking bit is more difficult. He would probably benefit from getting smoking cessation help.
I don’t know if he’d actually go that far to quit, and that’s what’s making me worried
Original post by Anonymous
I don’t know if he’d actually go that far to quit, and that’s what’s making me worried
Hopefully, he'll quit, but even reducing it will be some sort of improvement
Original post by Anonymous
How do I bring it up, because I don’t want to offend him or be really pushy about it, but at the same time I feel like I need to say something
you have to be pushy if you want him to quit. Dont be worried about him being offended....be worried about him dropping dead.
Original post by Anonymous
I don’t know if he’d actually go that far to quit, and that’s what’s making me worried
if it's a deal breaker for you, tell him and leave it up to him to decide whether he would be willing to go that far or if he would rather leave you.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you! I’ll definitely try it, I might try and say it in the context of new year resolutions as well
Honestly i'd be careful of this, of trying to schedule someone else's recovery or tie it to something a cheap as new years resolutions (which everyone breaks and jokes about breaking)
Quitting smoking is a serious choice and someone has to make it for their own reasons or it's near sure to fail, pretty much anything else will fall under nagging, whether it's you, a doc or a warning of a ciggy pack. (TBH i've long felt we should treat ciggy addiction deeper like other drugs, but we gloss over it)
I'm not saying you're wrong to be worried or have your own standards btw, just these these kind of commitments made under pressure or duress don't tend to pan out well IME
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