My boyfriends past really bothers me

Hi i am 17F almost 18 and my boyfriend is 19M we've known each other since we were like 13 and we've been romantically involved for 3 months now.

Being together for a while we've started discussing each others sexual history and his really really bothers me. I'm not bothered by the fact he has a past as i do too. but its how long his past is. hes been involved with so many other girls and this really really upsets me and haunts me... does anyone else relate? any advice? i hate feeling this way

(edited 2 years ago)

As long as he’s clean, and gets check ups, I don’t really see how it can affect you. Maybe your insecurity (the thought of being “compared”) might get to you?

Well, it’s pretty natural for him to replay the moments but it’s all fine as long as he’s not trying to force you to do what you don’t want to do. If he’s communicating clearly - this just means that he’s utilising his experience effectively and adjusting to what he might like - which is ok.

There’s nothing really to be upset about as you can’t really change how long his past is. If it bothers you and makes you sick, you can always break up but I wouldn’t let that get to me tbh.

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 2

JAckieee.chan

21

dump him. if it bothers you now, it will bother you again somewhere in the future.

Reply 3

londonmyst

19

Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your common sense is telling you. :smile:

If you are very uncomfortable with your bf's sexual past or relationship history it could be a warning that the two of you are incompatible.
I have some heterosexual friends who would never date a virgin, others who would not date someone with no sexual experience or a relationship history that included fewer than 4 exes.
Different people have their own very different dealbreakers & relationship preferences and that is fine.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

I've been there before, although it could indicate self esteem issues (totally normal at your age just worth considering), from experience it will not stop bothering you and your gut feelings are a sign this isn't a good match and it could end in a toxic relationship dynamic where you constantly feel negative, i or unequal, even inadequate, jealous or insecure. It might cause trust issues too which do not go away when it's not a good match anyway.

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

Original post by Tres-2b

Hi i am 17F almost 18 and my boyfriend is 19M we've known each other since we were like 13 and we've been romantically involved for 3 months now.

Being together for a while we've started discussing each others sexual history and his really really bothers me. I'm not bothered by the fact he has a past as i do too. but its how long his past is. hes been involved with so many other girls and this really really upsets me and haunts me... does anyone else relate? any advice? i hate feeling this way

Break up with him then

Reply 6

username3477548

20

Have you voiced your concerns? If he doesn't make you feel comfortable, dump him. Like @JAckieee.chan said.

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 7

Tres-2b

OP

3

Original post by CaptainDuckie

As long as he’s clean, and gets check ups, I don’t really see how it can affect you. Maybe your insecurity (the thought of being “compared”) might get to you?

Well, it’s pretty natural for him to replay the moments but it’s all fine as long as he’s not trying to force you to do what you don’t want to do. If he’s communicating clearly - this just means that he’s utilising his experience effectively and adjusting to what he might like - which is ok.

There’s nothing really to be upset about as you can’t really change how long his past is. If it bothers you and makes you sick, you can always break up but I wouldn’t let that get to me tbh.

it doesnt bother me to the Point i am considering ending it, it jus givess me an icky feeling when its dicussed or i remember it. but if im being totally honest it is bus my insecurities. everyones intilted to their own past. i jus wanted to know if my feelings are irrational or not.

Reply 8

Tres-2b

OP

3

Original post by Qxi.xli

Have you voiced your concerns? If he doesn't make you feel comfortable, dump him. Like @JAckieee.chan said.

i've let him know i dont like talking About it and that he should refrain from bringing it up or giving me details ab it. this has helped me feel better but again its jus not a nice thought knowing hes been with soooo many other girls.

Reply 9

Tres-2b

OP

3

Original post by Anonymous

I've been there before, although it could indicate self esteem issues (totally normal at your age just worth considering), from experience it will not stop bothering you and your gut feelings are a sign this isn't a good match and it could end in a toxic relationship dynamic where you constantly feel negative, i or unequal, even inadequate, jealous or insecure. It might cause trust issues too which do not go away when it's not a good match anyway.

thank you for this. i do Think its self esteem issues as i often get these thoughts when we are being sexually Active

Original post by Tres-2b

it doesnt bother me to the Point i am considering ending it, it jus givess me an icky feeling when its dicussed or i remember it. but if im being totally honest it is bus my insecurities. everyones intilted to their own past. i jus wanted to know if my feelings are irrational or not.

Not at all.

But don’t end it. Just try and cope with it, and whatever you do, don’t bring up his past with him because that’s just a low blow.

He’s free to see and sleep with whoever he wanted.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by Tres-2b

thank you for this. i do Think its self esteem issues as i often get these thoughts when we are being sexually Active

I think its normal but tbf you're young nobody would expect you to be super experienced, that's not why he chose to be with you

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by Tres-2b

thank you for this. i do Think its self esteem issues as i often get these thoughts when we are being sexually Active

plus your own personal 'experience' builds from from enjoying the moment, if you're worrying about it the whole time then it's not gonna flow and you won't get much out of it except negative feelings. just focus on the enjoyment, sex is natural and doesn't need lots of experience to be great. don't let porn and things like that make you believe so

Reply 13

karl pilkington

20

how many women has he slept with?

Reply 14

kekedoyouloveme?

21

Original post by Tres-2b

Hi i am 17F almost 18 and my boyfriend is 19M we've known each other since we were like 13 and we've been romantically involved for 3 months now.

Being together for a while we've started discussing each others sexual history and his really really bothers me. I'm not bothered by the fact he has a past as i do too. but its how long his past is. hes been involved with so many other girls and this really really upsets me and haunts me... does anyone else relate? any advice? i hate feeling this way

I think you need to try and forget about the past, it's the past for a reason.

He's with you now and as long as his "past" doesn't linger, (I'm talking ab any weird exes or anything) then it's perfectly fine to let things go, and just embrace who you are and who he is with you in this moment.

It's kind of hard, as you've only been together for three months but don't give up and by all means if it means his past makes you want to put barriers up and be weary of him then that's perfectly normal too, but don't let your anxiety of his previous sexual history sabotage how you feel for him.

Think of it like this, do you think you deserve him and do you want him? If so keep working on your relationship with him and don't let external factors bother you so much

But if it does bother you and you're starting to doubt your feelings then discuss that with him, you deserve the best too and if it doesn't float your boat then it simply doesn't and that's okay.

I'm the type to get upset over something like that too, it's just preferences

(edited 2 years ago)

My boyfriends past really bothers me

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