First relationship; is it over?

Anon as he may be on here.

I've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 2 months now after knowing him for around 5. When I met him, there after we'd speak pretty much everyday and have really long conversations on the phone regularly lasting hours. After we'd been going out for a month and things have changed. We're in a long distance relationship btw, and we're both in our last years of college.

- We don't talk as much and now it's difficult for me personally to hold down a conversation with him when we do, because it's as if I've forgotten what binds us and how we get on. I don't know what to say anymore. The conversations are short (20 minutes) because we're both strapped for cash at the minute and can't afford it.

- I feel distant from his because of this, and have lost sight of the reasons why I appreciate him.

- I feel less inclined to tell him I love him (not IN love, just love)

- I've forgotten how to be with him. As in, last time I visited him I just found it tough to discern how to be with him.

- We're really different people and I'm beginning to find that because there are sides of me I don't show him, the relationship isn't as fulfilling as it used to be when it was new and fresh. I'm not if this is because of money and the distance though that I've forgotten whether that's relevant.

- He's been irritating me lately. When I'm upset I don't tell him and it feels as though he encourages me not to with the little things he says. So I keep it to myself. I've also been keeping all of this to myself. When we're talking I bring some of the things up that are bothering me and he never really gives it attention as (and I know this) he doesn't pick up that it's relevant, quickly changing the subject to him, which makes me irritated. It annoys me, I help him out and give his problems masses of attention, why can't he do the same for me?

- I'm not sure if I want to have sex with him anymore.

I care for this guy incredibly, incredibly much. I care about his welfare and if he's happy, and I want this relationship to work because it used to be so, so good. He'd be devastated if we broke up. Can people give me advice? Thanks

Reply 1

maybesBABY

Anonymous

He'd be devastated if we broke up. Can people give me advice? Thanks

yes but he could also be devastated if he found out how you were feeling.

yes it's over, please break up him.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

maybesBABY

yes it's over, please break up him.

My heart actually sank when I read that. Things were so good to begin with though. He's had exams and like said, keeping in touch is difficult. Surely there's a way of fixing things. I was thinking of waiting until exams had finished or going on a break. I really don't want to let this go.

Reply 3

maybesBABY

well if you want to fix things, you have to be open and communicate everything you have written in your first message to him.

you said you don't talk as much as before but I think it's because you're holding a lot of your feelings inside. Just be open seriously communication is the secret weapon to successful relationships.

and what about msn? e-mail? texting?

but surely if you have lost sight of why you appreciate him and there are sides of you, you don't show him it's over?

take a break maybe? see different people for a while.

but although i know this isn't what you want to hear, i genuinely think it's over between you two, unless you tell him EXACTLY how you feel and work on that.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

maybesBABY

well if you want to fix things, you have to be open and communicate everything you have written in your first message to him.

you said you don't talk as much as before but I think it's because you're holding a lot of your feelings inside. Just be open seriously communication is the secret weapon to successful relationships.

and what about msn? e-mail? texting?

but surely if you have lost sight of why you appreciate him and there are sides of you, you don't show him it's over?

take a break maybe? see different people for a while.

but although i know this isn't what you want to hear, i genuinely think it's over between you two, unless you tell him EXACTLY how you feel and work on that.

I'm going to do this then. We're in an LDR though and he has exams, how do I go about doing it? I don't want him to mess up his A Levels on account of us. Should I do it after exams and shall I do it over the phone or visit him?

Reply 5

StudentLingerie

When you first go into a relationship the first couple of months are the honeymoon period where everything is perfect... after this period is over is when you find out if the relationship is real.

Your only chance to saving it is to tell him everything you wrote here, and I wish you luck, but relationships should happen and shouldnt need to be forced.

Reply 6

maybesBABY

Anonymous

I'm going to do this then. We're in an LDR though and he has exams, how do I go about doing it? I don't want him to mess up his A Levels on account of us. Should I do it after exams and shall I do it over the phone or visit him?

however you feel comfortable i guess.

sometimes its easier over the phone because cos you don't feel as nervous as you would in real life.

and to be honest, i don't think you should wait until he's ready. I think you should tell him whenever you're ready. That way when it finally comes out in the open it will be an absolute relief for you and the sooner this happens the sooner you guys can make up should you decide to continue in the relationship.

best of luck.

First relationship; is it over?

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