How do I limit contact with my parents in the future?

Please keep anonymous as it is personal.

Have you ever had to limit contact with your parents? How did you do this and how far would you go to do this?

I am 18 years old, living in London and I have applied to go to university (for 2011 entry). I have had a very difficult childhood (abuse and bullying) and I am currently seeking counselling to deal with my problems and I have applied to universities outside of London to keep my distance from my parents. In the future I want to have a better life where I can be free, happy, independent and be myself, and most importantly in control of my life.

I am from a family where family is a big deal to my parent's culture, but it means so much control and lack of self-control. My parents are abusive, particularly my dad who gets angry easily and does not want to accept that he gets angrily, so he won't get help. I need to get away. I am not being physically hurt now and the Social Services are involved, but I will try to get as far away as possible because I need to be safe, although I don't want to completely cut off contact, I want to limit it, but how?

Please help.

Move abroad.

Fly to the moon.

Pack your bags and leave. Doesn't take a genius to figure it out.

Reply 4

Am_Kay

To be fair, it's much easier to apply to a University outside of London due to competition, international students, etc. In the first year, you'd most likely be living on campus as a general rule so you'd be okay there. By the second year, you'd have already separated yourself almost entirely through not visiting, etc :smile:

Change your name

Good start by moving to a far away uni and then start with less and less contact each week or whatever so that eventually youse rarely contact each other and by that stage it'll be unnoticeable. Sad situation for you but c'est la vie I suppose. My uncle moved away a few years ago and at first he came home every few weeks, then months and now he hasn't been home in 2 years and barely phones and just sends bday and xmas cards :sad:

Reply 7

theths

12

Well, moving away is a good start :smile:

If family is that important to them I guess you could appease them by calling perhaps once every couple of months?
Make plans over the holidays if needs be so that you can get out of going home

Reply 8

emanuel_arsenalfc

11

you've done a good thing and gone to a uni outside london..i guess since you're still young unless you can rent a flat you're doing all that you can

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Arcanine

Pack your bags and leave. Doesn't take a genius to figure it out.

I know that it doesn't take a genius to work it out but it is not the simplest thing to do. I need to plan thorougly because I don't really want to come back and live with them when I have gone away to university and I will really need to plan my new life and not allow them t hurt me or to have any control, because I have to be safe and protect others (e.g. my future boyfriend, future kids, etc). All the stuff I have been through is massive so it is not simple or realistic for me to just go. I need advice and that is why I am asking this question, to get some advice and experiences so I can learn and work out what to do for myself.

Reply 10

2kuayyaz

Yes, your parents may not treat you well. But at the end of the day they are your parents. You can't just cut contact with them. You have to ask your self which one you get along with better and go and have a word with them. Because, they might not see how they are treating you. They may not see how it is affecting you.
But if you are talking abuse to the standards of Joseph Fritzel then I say you call the authorities.

Reply 11

kristinaalovesu

15

The question is, whats gonna be their reaction about you moving abroad?(Being realistic) Surely, they will probably have locked you up in the room by the time you even complete what you're about to say.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

By the way I have applied to universities outside of London but my problems are so complex, I don't know if moving away is enough. I'd be willing to, but like I said I need control, happiness and independence.

Also has anyone else been through this?

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by 2kuayyaz

Yes, your parents may not treat you well. But at the end of the day they are your parents. You can't just cut contact with them. You have to ask your self which one you get along with better and go and have a word with them. Because, they might not see how they are treating you. They may not see how it is affecting you.
But if you are talking abuse to the standards of Joseph Fritzel then I say you call the authorities.

Yes you are right, my parents are my parents. But I am their daughter and yet they have chosen to treat me bad for most of my life, so that is no excuse, and I will not put them on a high pedestal when they don't deserve it, so I will put myself first. I don't want to completely cut contact with them, I didn't say I wanted to, i want to limit contact. When I say abuse it is not to the standards of Josef Fritzl but that doesn't mean that it is not serious enough. It is very serious and the Social Services are now involved and I told the Social Worker for my family that I am planning on moving away for university because I can't stay in an abusive family any more.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by kristinaalovesu

The question is, whats gonna be their reaction about you moving abroad?(Being realistic) Surely, they will probably have locked you up in the room by the time you even complete what you're about to say.

I don't think they would mind if I was moving abroad (for business for example). I had reletives who have moved abroad for work, but permanently I don't know how they would feel, but I am not entirely bothered by how they would feel, because by the time I have decided (if I decide) then I would be a lot older and slightly distant by then.

Reply 15

Blueflare

18

Just move out and don't give them your phone number. Sorted.

Reply 16

kristinaalovesu

15

Original post by Anonymous

I don't think they would mind if I was moving abroad (for business for example). I had reletives who have moved abroad for work, but permanently I don't know how they would feel, but I am not entirely bothered by how they would feel, because by the time I have decided (if I decide) then I would be a lot older and slightly distant by then.

Right, but don't you love your parents even though they are terribly rude to you? Were actually on the same boat.

Reply 17

JohnC2211

17

Original post by Anonymous

Please keep anonymous as it is personal.

Have you ever had to limit contact with your parents? How did you do this and how far would you go to do this?

I am 18 years old, living in London and I have applied to go to university (for 2011 entry). I have had a very difficult childhood (abuse and bullying) and I am currently seeking counselling to deal with my problems and I have applied to universities outside of London to keep my distance from my parents. In the future I want to have a better life where I can be free, happy, independent and be myself, and most importantly in control of my life.

I am from a family where family is a big deal to my parent's culture, but it means so much control and lack of self-control. My parents are abusive, particularly my dad who gets angry easily and does not want to accept that he gets angrily, so he won't get help. I need to get away. I am not being physically hurt now and the Social Services are involved, but I will try to get as far away as possible because I need to be safe, although I don't want to completely cut off contact, I want to limit it, but how?

Please help.

If you have the cash, I have the solution.

In all seriousness though, if Social Services are involved you should be set. If you don't want to live with your parents/have physical contact with them then they wont make you. Moving abroad is one thing, but it is a major lifestyle change (language, culture etc) so it'd have to be a very bad situation for you to do this.

Get through university first, and then think about what you want to do.

Reply 18

Amandeep_Psych07

2

Original post by Anonymous

Please keep anonymous as it is personal.

Have you ever had to limit contact with your parents? How did you do this and how far would you go to do this?

I am 18 years old, living in London and I have applied to go to university (for 2011 entry). I have had a very difficult childhood (abuse and bullying) and I am currently seeking counselling to deal with my problems and I have applied to universities outside of London to keep my distance from my parents. In the future I want to have a better life where I can be free, happy, independent and be myself, and most importantly in control of my life.

I am from a family where family is a big deal to my parent's culture, but it means so much control and lack of self-control. My parents are abusive, particularly my dad who gets angry easily and does not want to accept that he gets angrily, so he won't get help. I need to get away. I am not being physically hurt now and the Social Services are involved, but I will try to get as far away as possible because I need to be safe, although I don't want to completely cut off contact, I want to limit it, but how?

Please help.

Talk to your counsellor about it. In a similar position to yourself and talking about it with someone will help you plan it appropriately and become stronger. You've done a good thing by moving out but get a lot of support (University counselling etc) because it might be difficult adjusting from an overbearing environment. Good luck. There light at the end of the tunnel. :h:

Reply 19

Anonymous #5

Hi.
I have no contact with my dad now since I moved away to uni. I don't know your exact situation but my dad was emotionally abusive and although i did love him very much (obviously because he was/is my parent) I, for I dunno, lets call it self preservation.. or as you said... safety in the future.. and it has to be safe for future boyfriend/husband/children had to cut him from my life. It was the single most hardest thing i've ever done and it took me from being 14 to moving away to uni at 18 to decide that this was the actual decision i needed to make. I did it slowly, i stopped texting him, stopped answering calls, saw him every few weeks instead of every week, made up excuses for not seeing him, when we met up i would just be quiet and distant... because actually i didnt want to speak to him nor did i trust anything that came out of his mouth. Then i moved to uni, he tried to contact me there but i blocked him on facebook, then i blocked his calls/texts,changed my number and his emails go to an account that i only access when i want to.. he doesnt know this as far as i can tell. It was hard because I still wanted to be in contact with the rest of his family. However, I just dont tell them stuff either generally. With time not speaking to him has got easier and as far as i am aware he never knew where i was living.
Please make sure you are absolutely 100% certain with this decision because it will not go down lightly. If in the future you change youre mind, blood is thicker than water, you can always go back. But for now, if this is right for you... like my decision is most definitely right for me, then go for it. Just stop all contact, it will be easier if you can move away because then they dont have your address, phone number, your social group etc etc. I wish you luck with your decision and hope they make it an easy ride for you :smile:

Take care

How do I limit contact with my parents in the future?

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