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Boyfriend tells me to compliment him more... I don't find him attractive
Basically as the title says. He gets upset that I don't constantly tell him that he's "beautiful" or "really attractive" and that I don't jump on him for sex every time I see him... but he's really not all that good looking (I feel horrible for saying it but I don't know where else to look for advice)
He always goes fishing for compliments and at every opportunity will tell me I don't tell him how good looking I find him, when the truth is I don't. He eats so much junk and is a heavy smoker / lover of beer when he goes out so he has a chubby belly and bad skin from smoking and his **** diet, I just don't get how he thinks I should be all over him all the time. I've tried to suggest kindly things like how he should eat better just for general health but he just whinges that why would he eat things that taste less good (eg veggies) than the **** he eats (pizza sweets etc). It kind of annoys me because he always has a go at me for not telling him how 'beautiful' he is when he puts in no effort whatsoever into his appearance. What should I do?
[just read this back and realise I sound like a total bitch, but I needed to get it out]
He always goes fishing for compliments and at every opportunity will tell me I don't tell him how good looking I find him, when the truth is I don't. He eats so much junk and is a heavy smoker / lover of beer when he goes out so he has a chubby belly and bad skin from smoking and his **** diet, I just don't get how he thinks I should be all over him all the time. I've tried to suggest kindly things like how he should eat better just for general health but he just whinges that why would he eat things that taste less good (eg veggies) than the **** he eats (pizza sweets etc). It kind of annoys me because he always has a go at me for not telling him how 'beautiful' he is when he puts in no effort whatsoever into his appearance. What should I do?
[just read this back and realise I sound like a total bitch, but I needed to get it out]
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Original post by Anonymous
Basically as the title says. He gets upset that I don't constantly tell him that he's "beautiful" or "really attractive"
Beautiful? Seriously?
Anyone else see something fundamentally wrong with this relationship?
Original post by Tsukuyomi
Original post by Tsukuyomi
I can never understand people who can get into relationships with people they aint physically attrated to.
To all the ugly people, this aint a shallow statement. Physical attration matters
To all the ugly people, this aint a shallow statement. Physical attration matters
I was attracted to him, but that was over a year and a half ago and he has since let himself go.. quite a lot
Original post by Hemzo
Original post by Hemzo
Beautiful? Seriously?
Exactly, it makes me cringe when he says that.
I won't agree that there is inherently something wrong with being with someone you don't find attractive, although that may personally be something many people need, maybe the OP feels she can go without that. In any case, he may have insecurity issues. If you don't find ANYTHING about him attractive (we're stretching this to personality too), then why the flip are you with him? You're doing him and yourself no favours.
EDIT: I've just read your posts after that. You need to tell him. First, try to push him to go to the gym with you, and eat healthy. Say something like "I like a bit of muscle" etc. If he doesn't get it, start making it clear that you expect he takes care of himself, as its important to you. Then, if he's still eating sh**, leave.
EDIT: I've just read your posts after that. You need to tell him. First, try to push him to go to the gym with you, and eat healthy. Say something like "I like a bit of muscle" etc. If he doesn't get it, start making it clear that you expect he takes care of himself, as its important to you. Then, if he's still eating sh**, leave.
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Exactly, it makes me cringe when he says that.
Just tell him that if he keeps eating easy foods and smoking you won't compliment him. Exercise, eat healthily yourself in front of him so he has something to copy.
What's the point of the relationship anymore then? Dump him nicely.
If he's not making any effort on his appearance then it makes no sense to ask for compliments on his appearance.
He probably knows he's let himself go and wants to feel okay about it.
You probably shouldn't comply tbh; it's only likely to make him think that making no effort is acceptable. It's fine to believe that it isn't. Physical attraction is important.
He probably knows he's let himself go and wants to feel okay about it.
You probably shouldn't comply tbh; it's only likely to make him think that making no effort is acceptable. It's fine to believe that it isn't. Physical attraction is important.
Original post by xTazx
Original post by xTazx
I won't agree that there is inherently something wrong with being with someone you don't find attractive, although that may personally be something many people need, maybe the OP feels she can go without that. In any case, he may have insecurity issues. If you don't find ANYTHING about him attractive (we're stretching this to personality too), then why the flip are you with him? You're doing him and yourself no favours.
EDIT: I've just read your posts after that. You need to tell him. First, try to push him to go to the gym with you, and eat healthy. Say something like "I like a bit of muscle" etc. If he doesn't get it, start making it clear that you expect he takes care of himself, as its important to you. Then, if he's still eating sh**, leave.
EDIT: I've just read your posts after that. You need to tell him. First, try to push him to go to the gym with you, and eat healthy. Say something like "I like a bit of muscle" etc. If he doesn't get it, start making it clear that you expect he takes care of himself, as its important to you. Then, if he's still eating sh**, leave.
I've tried this
His parents had a cheap gym membership for him a while back, and like a month before it expired I suggested that he exploit having the freedom to go whenever (also given that it is literally at the end of his road). His excuse was that he's always too tired to go as he works during the day from like 7-4/5. I said why not go in the evening after he's relaxed a bit from work as he does nothing else apart from just sit on his *** watching tv, but he said he can't be bothered.... it's pretty much down to the fact that he's just lazy. But you're right about the insecurity thing, I don't think I've ever met someone so insecure. That's why I feel like if I start pushing him to change himself it'll become clear that I don't find him attractive and he'll get upset like usual and make it out like I've done something wrong, and I really can't be bothered to have the drama.
Original post by Nepene
Just tell him that if he keeps eating easy foods and smoking you won't compliment him. Exercise, eat healthily yourself in front of him so he has something to copy.
HAHA wtf he's not a dog or a toddler. Mega lol at training people like that.
Who is the girl in the relationship and who is the man? Sounds like all that fat on him has messed up his hormones levels and he is producing too much estrogen. Whining that you don't compliment him enough?
If this carries on he will get man breasts and his nipples will get all sensitive and he will burst into tears during movies.
If he wants to be complimented all the time ,tell him to put a dress on ,put some makeup on and head to a gay bar. He might find a couple of queers that will go up his fat arrse deliverance stylee. Squeal piggy squeal.
If this carries on he will get man breasts and his nipples will get all sensitive and he will burst into tears during movies.
If he wants to be complimented all the time ,tell him to put a dress on ,put some makeup on and head to a gay bar. He might find a couple of queers that will go up his fat arrse deliverance stylee. Squeal piggy squeal.
Original post by Anonymous
I've done something wrong, and I really can't be bothered to have the drama.
Then ditch him.
Original post by Sophie_girl
HAHA wtf he's not a dog or a toddler. Mega lol at training people like that.
He is a human. Humans learn by social proof. If you do something he's more likely to do it. People like to copy others.
Original post by Anonymous
I've tried this His parents had a cheap gym membership for him a while back, and like a month before it expired I suggested that he exploit having the freedom to go whenever (also given that it is literally at the end of his road). His excuse was that he's always too tired to go as he works during the day from like 7-4/5. I said why not go in the evening after he's relaxed a bit from work as he does nothing else apart from just sit on his *** watching tv, but he said he can't be bothered.... it's pretty much down to the fact that he's just lazy.
But you're right about the insecurity thing, I don't think I've ever met someone so insecure. That's why I feel like if I start pushing him to change himself it'll become clear that I don't find him attractive and he'll get upset like usual and make it out like I've done something wrong, and I really can't be bothered to have the drama.
His parents had a cheap gym membership for him a while back, and like a month before it expired I suggested that he exploit having the freedom to go whenever (also given that it is literally at the end of his road). His excuse was that he's always too tired to go as he works during the day from like 7-4/5. I said why not go in the evening after he's relaxed a bit from work as he does nothing else apart from just sit on his *** watching tv, but he said he can't be bothered.... it's pretty much down to the fact that he's just lazy. But you're right about the insecurity thing, I don't think I've ever met someone so insecure. That's why I feel like if I start pushing him to change himself it'll become clear that I don't find him attractive and he'll get upset like usual and make it out like I've done something wrong, and I really can't be bothered to have the drama.
See, I've been insecure about stuff in the past too (thankfully way past now), as has most people. It's entirely up to him, he could USE that insecurity to push himself to work out, get fit, get some confidence back. Instead, he fishes for cheap compliments and gets annoyed when he doesn't get his fix from you. You have your own personality to develop and a world to enjoy, and if his laziness, jealousy and lack of self esteem (which is self-incflicted) is hindering your development, he has to go.
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