A little bit sad after trying out online dating :(
Hey,
I'm a Pakistani girl first of all, and I recently started online dating with a Welsh white boy and spent two months chatting online. I think the reason I tried out online dating to begin with is because I really am not attracted to asians at all, it's just personal preference and I can't really explain why
the obvious problem with that is that white guys just never ask me out. I always get asked out on dates by Asian boys, and I feel awful having to turn them down, but I can't date someone I'm not attracted to. It's upsetting that white boys never ask me out on dates, even when they think I'm pretty. I hope I don't sound shallow, that's not my intention, personality is obviously really important but so are looks to a degree, you can't date someone you don't think is good looking in my opinion! So anyway, I just took my initiative and thought that the best way to tackle this problem would be to try out online dating, because I thought that would help me finally find someone that I thought was gorgeous as well as really sweet. So I did meet a white guy who I talked to for two and a half months - he seemed to have a really sweet personality, and I added him on facebook. He thought I was very beautiful and thought my Eastern, olive complexion made me 'hot' - we really liked each other and we were planning on meeting up in September when I moved to London for University. He said that he enjoyed talking with me, he commented on the fact that we had been talking for two months all day every day, and the conversation had never run dry. We used to talk about anything and everything! He also said he appreciated the fact that I was very mature for my age (I'm 18 and he's 23 so this was important to him), that I was focussed in my schoolwork and had ambitions, and that I was 'so gorgeous it's unbelievable' (in his words). He seemed to genuinely like me for who I was, I was really quite shocked at my own luck!
Wales is quite far away from where I live in North England, so we decided it was best to meet up once I had moved down to the South of England, since the commute would be more comfortable for both of us (London is half the distance I am from him right now). I was really happy, he seemed to be everything I would want in a guy I dated - but then, last night, he went to a party and met a girl who he has now asked out on a date (this Wednesday night). He told me this last night, and I have to admit I was pretty heartbroken and even had a little cry! I was actually surprised at myself, because we weren't exactly dating or anything, but I still seemed really upset and I think the main reason for that is because it was the first time a white guy liked me enough to want to meet up/date. I doubt I will still be meeting up with him, and I've now moved into the friend category - he described me yesterday as the 'best friend' he could discuss anything with, all the things he never discussed with other people.
I'm a bit down after this ordeal. Two months really isn't very long at all, but I realise now that I was more emotionally attached to him than I thought. I have seen the new girl's facebook profile and wow, she is absolutely stunning, and probably smarter than me because she's a forensic scientist! She's 27, so older than him by 4 years. She seems to have all the qualities he had originally admired *me* for, but with an extra bonus: she lives very close to him, so there's no need to cover long distances (which had been the case with me). Naturally, my self esteem has just gone down the drain (admittedly, it was never very high anyway, after a lot of emotional abuse I suffered at the hands of an Asian boyfriend I had had previously).
The questions in my mind are no doubt trivial - questions like 'will I ever find another white guy who likes me as much as he did?' and 'am I pretty?' and 'what will happen at University?'.
When I met this boy, I was an emotional wreck from a horrible, horrible relationship with an Asian boy who cheated on me with no less than two other girls. It ended in a nasty way, I was repeatedly told I was no good, and that I was quite literally 'ugly'. In theory, I should be able to have deflected these criticisms, but it's harder to do than it seems and they really did sink in. So when a white, gorgeous boy said I was beautiful, I couldn't believe it. In just two months, he really worked wonders for my self esteem and treated me like a princess. I can't believe it's over If anyone wants to see my pictures to get a better understanding of my situation then please feel free to PM me. We still talk every day, and he still calls me 'babe', 'baby', 'hun' etc. which sort of makes me hopeful and very depressed at the same time.
All I'm really looking for is some advice, and some answers to the trivial questions pounding through my head right now. I'm a bright girl, and I was always very confident, so I'm surprised to find myself crying over a boy I never met, and having no confidence in my appearance. I really want to stop being such an emotional wreck! I want to be able to socialize without getting nervous, and I want to get into a healthy relationship, since the only relationship I ever had was so terrible. I also want to get over my cyber-friend, because he obviously meant a lot more to me than I had originally realised.
Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read through this, I really do appreciate it.
I'm a Pakistani girl first of all, and I recently started online dating with a Welsh white boy and spent two months chatting online. I think the reason I tried out online dating to begin with is because I really am not attracted to asians at all, it's just personal preference and I can't really explain why
the obvious problem with that is that white guys just never ask me out. I always get asked out on dates by Asian boys, and I feel awful having to turn them down, but I can't date someone I'm not attracted to. It's upsetting that white boys never ask me out on dates, even when they think I'm pretty. I hope I don't sound shallow, that's not my intention, personality is obviously really important but so are looks to a degree, you can't date someone you don't think is good looking in my opinion! So anyway, I just took my initiative and thought that the best way to tackle this problem would be to try out online dating, because I thought that would help me finally find someone that I thought was gorgeous as well as really sweet. So I did meet a white guy who I talked to for two and a half months - he seemed to have a really sweet personality, and I added him on facebook. He thought I was very beautiful and thought my Eastern, olive complexion made me 'hot' - we really liked each other and we were planning on meeting up in September when I moved to London for University. He said that he enjoyed talking with me, he commented on the fact that we had been talking for two months all day every day, and the conversation had never run dry. We used to talk about anything and everything! He also said he appreciated the fact that I was very mature for my age (I'm 18 and he's 23 so this was important to him), that I was focussed in my schoolwork and had ambitions, and that I was 'so gorgeous it's unbelievable' (in his words). He seemed to genuinely like me for who I was, I was really quite shocked at my own luck!Wales is quite far away from where I live in North England, so we decided it was best to meet up once I had moved down to the South of England, since the commute would be more comfortable for both of us (London is half the distance I am from him right now). I was really happy, he seemed to be everything I would want in a guy I dated - but then, last night, he went to a party and met a girl who he has now asked out on a date (this Wednesday night). He told me this last night, and I have to admit I was pretty heartbroken and even had a little cry! I was actually surprised at myself, because we weren't exactly dating or anything, but I still seemed really upset and I think the main reason for that is because it was the first time a white guy liked me enough to want to meet up/date. I doubt I will still be meeting up with him, and I've now moved into the friend category - he described me yesterday as the 'best friend' he could discuss anything with, all the things he never discussed with other people.
I'm a bit down after this ordeal. Two months really isn't very long at all, but I realise now that I was more emotionally attached to him than I thought. I have seen the new girl's facebook profile and wow, she is absolutely stunning, and probably smarter than me because she's a forensic scientist! She's 27, so older than him by 4 years. She seems to have all the qualities he had originally admired *me* for, but with an extra bonus: she lives very close to him, so there's no need to cover long distances (which had been the case with me). Naturally, my self esteem has just gone down the drain (admittedly, it was never very high anyway, after a lot of emotional abuse I suffered at the hands of an Asian boyfriend I had had previously).
The questions in my mind are no doubt trivial - questions like 'will I ever find another white guy who likes me as much as he did?' and 'am I pretty?' and 'what will happen at University?'.
When I met this boy, I was an emotional wreck from a horrible, horrible relationship with an Asian boy who cheated on me with no less than two other girls. It ended in a nasty way, I was repeatedly told I was no good, and that I was quite literally 'ugly'. In theory, I should be able to have deflected these criticisms, but it's harder to do than it seems and they really did sink in. So when a white, gorgeous boy said I was beautiful, I couldn't believe it. In just two months, he really worked wonders for my self esteem and treated me like a princess. I can't believe it's over
If anyone wants to see my pictures to get a better understanding of my situation then please feel free to PM me. We still talk every day, and he still calls me 'babe', 'baby', 'hun' etc. which sort of makes me hopeful and very depressed at the same time.All I'm really looking for is some advice, and some answers to the trivial questions pounding through my head right now. I'm a bright girl, and I was always very confident, so I'm surprised to find myself crying over a boy I never met, and having no confidence in my appearance. I really want to stop being such an emotional wreck! I want to be able to socialize without getting nervous, and I want to get into a healthy relationship, since the only relationship I ever had was so terrible. I also want to get over my cyber-friend, because he obviously meant a lot more to me than I had originally realised.
Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read through this, I really do appreciate it.
Scroll to see replies
Cyber relationships are a terrible idea.... But I understand your situation with the being asian thing so yeah..
When you go to uni in September there will be loads of guys there happy to be with you. I'm white from a heavily Pakistani populated area of north England and I've been asked out loads of time by Pakistani girls and had no problem with it, I don't think white guys think anything of it..
When you go to uni in September there will be loads of guys there happy to be with you. I'm white from a heavily Pakistani populated area of north England and I've been asked out loads of time by Pakistani girls and had no problem with it, I don't think white guys think anything of it..
I think cyber relationships are stupid. If you want me tbh, its stupid. Was you ever expecting some sort of relationship with a boy so far away. No offense, but I would stop your cyber dating.
I found reading it all though very sad! IIts a shame you have had bad luck with asian guys in the past and im sorry about what happened with the welsh guy. Whats important to remember though is that when you go to university there will be a lot of new people, all right there, and its important you mix straight away with the white people. Im sure if you are pretty and such, and take some initiative, you will find someone you find attractive
lol 
but loads of pakistani guys go out with white girls - but to be honest ive never seen a white guy go out with a pakistani girl
but loads of pakistani guys go out with white girls - but to be honest ive never seen a white guy go out with a pakistani girl
Original post by IamBeowulf
Original post by IamBeowulf
lol
but loads of pakistani guys go out with white girls - but to be honest ive never seen a white guy go out with a pakistani girl
but loads of pakistani guys go out with white girls - but to be honest ive never seen a white guy go out with a pakistani girl
ahhh racism; causes people's eyes to bleed when they read blocks of text.
Thus i think white guys should date pakistani girls, for the good of our eyes.
Original post by Niassuh
How do you pm an annon account? 
I didn't realise you couldn't, but I don't mind people asking in the thread and I can link seperately.
And sorry for the lack of paragraphs thing - I didn't realise how much I had written.
I read this, highlighted over to help with the lack of paragraphs :P
I feel genuinely sorry for you, this guy seemed quite misleading. Did he ever apologise or initiate that he had done anything wrong? I think your first step is to move on from that bad experience and accept that it wasnt your fault, you can't keep doubting yourself it was most likely him having last minute doubts about the distance and like you said yourself, found another version of you in better circumstances and picked her. You will find people at university I'm sure and you will find someone, you shouldn't go chasing after people and just wait until things fall into your hands as I'm sure it will happen. Just concentrate on you for now, having a boyfriend isn't the be all or end all?
Plus if you are going to near London for uni you are bound to find someone, there's always events going on so just put yourself out there.
I feel genuinely sorry for you, this guy seemed quite misleading. Did he ever apologise or initiate that he had done anything wrong? I think your first step is to move on from that bad experience and accept that it wasnt your fault, you can't keep doubting yourself it was most likely him having last minute doubts about the distance and like you said yourself, found another version of you in better circumstances and picked her. You will find people at university I'm sure and you will find someone, you shouldn't go chasing after people and just wait until things fall into your hands as I'm sure it will happen. Just concentrate on you for now, having a boyfriend isn't the be all or end all?
Plus if you are going to near London for uni you are bound to find someone, there's always events going on so just put yourself out there.
Original post by Niassuh
ahhh racism; causes people's eyes to bleed when they read blocks of text.
Thus i think white guys should date pakistani girls, for the good of our eyes.
Thus i think white guys should date pakistani girls, for the good of our eyes.
tbh ive never seen a white guy go out with a non white girl (talking about people our age)
Original post by Anonymous
Original post by Anonymous
I didn't realise you couldn't, but I don't mind people asking in the thread and I can link seperately.
And sorry for the lack of paragraphs thing - I didn't realise how much I had written.
And sorry for the lack of paragraphs thing - I didn't realise how much I had written.
Hey no problem, we're all drama queens, it's readable
Ok first of all that asian guy's a total douche, forget him. Whatever he said was just to hurt you and was in NOT the truth.
Sorry about the Welsh dude, but long distance relationships don't really work and i guess you'll just have to move on, at least you've got a new friend right?
As for uni, it's a diverse place and you'll most certainly find someone there who's right for you, don't sweat it
Original post by Niassuh
Hey no problem, we're all drama queens, it's readable
Ok first of all that asian guy's a total douche, forget him. Whatever he said was just to hurt you and was in NOT the truth.
Sorry about the Welsh dude, but long distance relationships don't really work and i guess you'll just have to move on, at least you've got a new friend right?
As for uni, it's a diverse place and you'll most certainly find someone there who's right for you, don't sweat it
Ok first of all that asian guy's a total douche, forget him. Whatever he said was just to hurt you and was in NOT the truth.
Sorry about the Welsh dude, but long distance relationships don't really work and i guess you'll just have to move on, at least you've got a new friend right?
As for uni, it's a diverse place and you'll most certainly find someone there who's right for you, don't sweat it
Thanks for this, it makes a hell of a lot of sense - it's like I already know this stuff but my brain just refuses to accept it and would rather blame it on me in the hope that I can still somehow salvage some interest from the welsh guy. I think I just need a reality check. And fix my self esteem
Original post by IamBeowulf
tbh ive never seen a white guy go out with a non white girl (talking about people our age)
I don't know where you live but I see it all the time.
Anyway OP don't let bad experiences get the best of you. I know it's horrible to get your hopes up on something that doesn't happen but remember all the good that came from it, the self esteem boost, remember all the compliments and remember that he trusts you this much and genuinely likes you. He only chose the other girl because she was closer and maybe didn't even realise you liked him so much as more than a friend. Ignore what your ex did completely. University will be a new experience with so many new people so you'll find someone, especially somewhere as diverse as London.
Original post by acat
Cyber relationships are a terrible idea.... But I understand your situation with the being asian thing so yeah..
Not necessarily true. I have a friend who met her now husband on match.com and they are very happy and my old flatmate is currently living with her boyfriend who she also met on match.com
Original post by cats are cool
I don't know where you live but I see it all the time.
Anyway OP don't let bad experiences get the best of you. I know it's horrible to get your hopes up on something that doesn't happen but remember all the good that came from it, the self esteem boost, remember all the compliments and remember that he trusts you this much and genuinely likes you. He only chose the other girl because she was closer and maybe didn't even realise you liked him so much as more than a friend. Ignore what your ex did completely. University will be a new experience with so many new people so you'll find someone, especially somewhere as diverse as London.
Anyway OP don't let bad experiences get the best of you. I know it's horrible to get your hopes up on something that doesn't happen but remember all the good that came from it, the self esteem boost, remember all the compliments and remember that he trusts you this much and genuinely likes you. He only chose the other girl because she was closer and maybe didn't even realise you liked him so much as more than a friend. Ignore what your ex did completely. University will be a new experience with so many new people so you'll find someone, especially somewhere as diverse as London.
did you know statistically white guys are the least likely out of all races to reply on dating websites (they are most likely to reply to white women, but get asked most by asian women and black women) - i saw it on a thread on tsr
did you say youre going to university?
you will most likely find someone over there in London. youre only 18! plently of time..
you will most likely find someone over there in London. youre only 18! plently of time..
Original post by ascottheyes
Not necessarily true. I have a friend who met her now husband on match.com and they are very happy and my old flatmate is currently living with her boyfriend who she also met on match.com
True I guess. I actually know someone who now lives in Singapore who has an online relationship with a French guy...
I think it's the intention too. Match.com differs to Omegle, which was more on the lines of what I was thinking
Original post by acat
True I guess. I actually know someone who now lives in Singapore who has an online relationship with a French guy...
I think it's the intention too. Match.com differs to Omegle, which was more on the lines of what I was thinking
I think it's the intention too. Match.com differs to Omegle, which was more on the lines of what I was thinking
Exactly... also I kind of met my boy online
I do find it weird telling people though!
OP, just wait till uni, you'll meet plenty of people, interested white guys included. Just make sure not to become a recluse, make the effort to socialise.
Original post by ascottheyes
Exactly... also I kind of met my boy online I do find it weird telling people though!
I do find it weird telling people though!Aww. I think online dating is a good concept but I don't like it in practice. I figured it was a good idea because you can write about your personality and they can get a quicker impression of you. I was sick of courtship just being about being a laugh in a club or something.
I went on a free one, okcupid.com and just found the experience rubbish. I get a feeling most girls on there just like the free compliments which derive from men's sexual desire rather than anything real.
Most of the females on there sense they have the upper hand and they're doing you a favour by letting you talk to them.... So I thought, pshh forget this, I'll get a girl ten times hotter than you just walking down the street.
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