23 year old in relationship with 17year old

I have just found out that a male friend of mine who is 23 has a new girlfriend that is only 17. To me this seems rather inappropriate as even if the girl is fairly mature she is still a child and they are both in very different places in their lives. Just wondered what other peoples opinions are of big age gap in relationships when one person is under 18.

Reply 1

donutaud15

22

Done it, don't recommend it to any girl

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my HTC Sensation Z710e

Reply 2

FuzzySheep

15

I'm 18 and my bf is 24. Been together 2 years, and it's fine. As long as she's mature and responsible, and the guy isn't taking advantage, and there is genuine attraction then age shouldn't be much of a problem. I understand your concern though, a few of my friends were, but as long as they're both in a healthy relationship together then it should be okay.

Reply 3

farrow000

11

Taking advantage of the less experienced, I'd watch him if I were you. He could be the kind of person that sits outside a school in his car, sounds pretty awkward to me.

Reply 4

dgeorge

12

Original post by liv89

I have just found out that a male friend of mine who is 23 has a new girlfriend that is only 17. To me this seems rather inappropriate as even if the girl is fairly mature she is still a child and they are both in very different places in their lives. Just wondered what other peoples opinions are of big age gap in relationships when one person is under 18.

Depends on how far below 18 they are

I don't see the problem with a 17 yr old and 23 year old 2 b honest

Reply 5

username917703

17

Original post by liv89

I have just found out that a male friend of mine who is 23 has a new girlfriend that is only 17. To me this seems rather inappropriate as even if the girl is fairly mature she is still a child and they are both in very different places in their lives. Just wondered what other peoples opinions are of big age gap in relationships when one person is under 18.

Only by law. People mature at different rates. You can't make a decision based on law as to who you're attracted to, you either are or you aren't.

From a purely biological standpoint puberty is the signal of a girl becoming sexually available. For thousands of years it was our 'age of consent'. Society has since imposed a set of rules about who/how old/what gender/what hole etc (some of which have been repealed).

Our genes tell us what we want to bang, society tells us when -- finding a 15 year old sexy is natural and is not a mental disorder, we just choose to live by society's rules over our own natural urges.

If they feel comfortable with it, they are breaking no laws and nobody else should matter. I am 23 and I personally can't see myself being compatible with many 17 year old girls as they are generally in a different place to me in their lives, like you say. But, if it's consensual (and legal) it's fine.

And that is all I have to say about that, your honour. :eek:

Reply 6

WelshBluebird

16

Don't see the problem really.

Gazza Glitter esque

I was 17, my fiance 24! Nearly 4yrs on we're still together. None of your business really anyway.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 9

Spontogical

Not really an issue.. I personally couldn't do it, because it's incredibly rare to find a 17 yr old with the same mentality and maturity as myself at 21. If the relationship survives past Uni, then you've got something good imo.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

kinda been there... didn't find it an issue though.. it's more romantic for me :colone:

Reply 11

KeepYourHeadUp

7

My older sister had a relationship with a 30 year old when she was 19. This lasted well over a year and although it is a big age gap (for any age) she was mature enough to deal with it,not everyone is and like the OP stated, in this case she is under 18 so may be more of a problem. It is well known that girls develop/mature faster than guys but at the same time it does depend on the individual.

The way I see it, if they are both happy and there is no obvious threat to either of them there isn't a problem with it. Besides, most people learn from their experiences/mistakes. I'm sure both people involved have weighed up the benifits/risks of being together.

Reply 12

Jammie_x

16

My mate is 18 and is with a 25 year old. They get on like a house on fire.. And really suit each other! I went out with a 21 year old when I was 16 and it really didn't work out.. It's a tricky one but if they are happy, leave it to them. She's over 16 so she's legal to have sex if wanted to etc.

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 13

ChloeElizabeth

I met my fiancé aged 18. He was 28. Just over a year later it's still all gooood. I've had relationships with guys only 3 or 4 years older and it's been a massive problem to them but this one is like there's no difference at all. Obviously hence fiancé

The main thing about under 18, you can't feel you're on the same level cos you can't go to the same places together for socialising.

But other than that, it is truly noone else's business. It's their life

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 14

HalleStar

2

My boyfriend is 25 I'm 19 we've been dating for two years. There's nothing wrong with it it's legal and if they're fine with it, it's all good

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App.

I was 17, he was 24. We met, we fell in love, we got engaged......

That was 11 years ago. We've been married now for 7 years, our daughter is coming up to 7 in September, our middle lad is going to be 5 in a couple of weeks time, and our youngest son is going to be 3 in September.

Reply 16

Anonymous #2

Original post by saey

But if you're going to have a proper emotionally connected relationship, that age gap could be so strange BECAUSE they are at different places in their lives. It would be more 'normal' if they had both been through uni and had been working for a few years (eg. he's 32 and she's 26).

Original post by KeepYourHeadUp

My older sister had a relationship with a 30 year old when she was 19. This lasted well over a year and although it is a big age gap (for any age) she was mature enough to deal with it.

This. To be fair, 23 isn't that bad - my last boyfriend was 22, and although wisened on a lot of things, was completely immature when it came to responsibility. However, the situations are very different - once you've found yourself living independently and taking care of your own affairs, you are compatible with many more people. Not to say a 17 year old can't be mature enough to have a relationship with someone 20+, but the life experiences are different, and life experience is the key.

The age gap itself isn't a problem. I've currently got a bit of a thing going on with someone just turning 36 (I'm 19), and we get along great because our life experiences are pretty similar. On the contrary, I have a friend in his early 30s who has a kid and is in the process of getting divorced, and although my interests and maturity levels are similar to his, the dynamics of our friendship are slightly different because he's had two huge experiences (marriage and parenthood) that I haven't.

A lot more goes into a relationship than age. I'd only be wary because your friend hasn't had the experience of living alone yet, and the fact that actual intercourse is still technically illegal until she turns 18.

Original post by Jammie_x

She's over 16 so she's legal to have sex if wanted to etc.

That isn't quite how the law works. It's legal for her to have sex with someone below the age of 18 (another minor), but as soon as the partner hits 18 they become an adult and it becomes classed as an adult taking advantage of a minor.

Bit of an odd technicality, but there you go.

Reply 17

WelshBluebird

16

Original post by Anonymous

and the fact that actual intercourse is still technically illegal until she turns 18.

No. Its legal as she's over 16.

Original post by Anonymous

That isn't quite how the law works. It's legal for her to have sex with someone below the age of 18 (another minor), but as soon as the partner hits 18 they become an adult and it becomes classed as an adult taking advantage of a minor.

Bit of an odd technicality, but there you go.

Errr no. Totally wrong. Age of consent is 16. End of argument. The only times where anything else comes into it is if the older person is in a position of authority or care (think of a teacher etc etc). What you say is the case in some other parts of the world, but not in the UK (well England and Wales anyway - not sure about the laws in Scotland or NI).

Reply 18

Miss G

12

Too big of an age gap. Then again, my friend who's 17 is in a similar situation. Been with the guy for over a year. They're really happy together. Didn't work for me when I was in a situation like that, but I think it really depends on the people.

Reply 19

Jammie_x

16

Original post by Miss G

Too big of an age gap. Then again, my friend who's 17 is in a similar situation. Been with the guy for over a year. They're really happy together. Didn't work for me when I was in a situation like that, but I think it really depends on the people.

Same here man. It really does depend if you are willing to work at it, whether you are very similar people etc. I dated someone at the age of 16 which was at that time 21.. It didn't work because he liked drinking, going out clubbing etc. - something that I could not do. In the end, he cheated on me and we split up. I think it does vary on what you both are like as people e.g. if both dont like going drinking, then will have a bit more of a percentage of working since can find other things to do.

23 year old in relationship with 17year old

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