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Addicted to snooping

Hey all, bit of a common problem but I'm at a bit of a loss.

About 2 months ago me and my boyfriend went through a rough patch. After it I could sense he had become distant and strange as I had been unable to give him pretty much any attention due to personal circumstances at the time. I only realised this when I managed to meet up with him and could see the physical changes in his body language, and the fact that he took longer to send texts and the texts were much shorter.

The night after we met up we had sex and afterwards he became much more like his old self. Still I was really worried about what might have happened, and that night I did something I'm not proud of and went through his messages. I found a conservation of him arranging to meet up with a randomer from online for sex, but could see from the conversation he never went through with it. I had to ask him about it the next day.

He said that he was just struggling with the 'malaise' our relationship was going through and was seeking for the attention and the chase from somewhere else. He said he'd never told me because he realised it wasn't what he wanted to do and for him it was 'already over'. I found it really difficult but I decided to forgive him since nothing happened, so long as we were more communicative about this kind of stuff (he's terrible at communication). He also forgave me snooping, acknowledging that what he did was worse. He doesn't lock his phone (and still doesn't) or anything which leads me to believe this isn't common for him.

Even though I said I'd forgive him though, I'm finding it really difficult. We're in a LDR now which doesn't help the trust issues and obviously makes it much harder to solve. We speak on the phone everyday and logically I know everything is much better between us, but the thoughts of him cheating occupy my head daily to an almost obsessional degree. When we meet up and he goes to the shower and leaves his phone out, I feel the adrenaline rise and I really want to check it out. I haven't done it again yet, except for seeing if it's locked, taking solace in the fact that it isn't.

I want to move past this SO much. It's up to me now, I don't badger him with questions or discuss it with him because i acknowledge that would drive us further apart and on the surface everything is fine. He's said all he can to explain and apologise and reassure me. Are there any exercise I can do to get rid of these obsessional thoughts?

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

I should have also mentioned that the 'addiction to snooping' comes from the fact that I search dating websites all day to see if he has any profiles up. This is the result of the obsessional behaviour. I need help...

Reply 2

IanDangerously

It's unhealthy to have a relationship with somebody that you don't completely trust. If you can't put it aside and learn to trust him your going to have to let it go for your own good. Nobody needs all that pressure and worry in the long term.