Fresher's Mom

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I live off campus as well, I haven't even seen the halls rooms but tell her to put herself out there and to organise events at her house like Predrinks and movie night (especially after a big night out)
This would sound Soo weird telling it to your daughter

Tell her to join society's and say hi to everyone,

I think she's homesick and blaming it on the halls situation

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Reply 21

LadyBunion

I doubt very much that the kids who are feeling upset in the first few weeks actually need to "man" or "woman" up - neither have they much royal blood.

People who move into a situation that is highly unfamiliar - not knowing anyone etc / living in halls or a house can become distressed by it - many manage to overcome the unfamiliarity by madly getting to know people and collecting friends like badges and dashing round like overgrown kids etc etc - many seem unable to cope alone..

None of this helps with coping with the situation and indeed there is the risk of the old BFF (best friend for freshers) who you discover after a while you really don't like!

In most of these situations it is best to coax them through the next few weeks / months - may well settle and feel much stronger for it. Kids do tend to poor out the woe on parents and expect them to take it all!

Reply 22

benfan

Original post by katyness

Well little princess could adapt and make the most out of the situation...

You know, unless there is a serious problem with the house i.e infestation, messy flatmates

"Little princess" implies that she is spoilt which she certainly is not. Reading other posts/forums it seems many students struggle at first and a lot of them don't like their halls. This does not make them spoilt or weak as a few judgemental people are implying.

Reply 23

pepperthecat

She could try setting herself some achievable goals -these might be: going along to a meeting of a uni society (sporting, cultural or whatever) that she is interested in; asking her flatmates if they fancy a film/pizza night - in or out of the flat; striking up a conversation with someone on her course and suggesting going for coffee after lectures. Obviously not every chance conversation will lead to a lasting friendship, but you have to start somewhere. It's very common in your first few weeks to feel that everyone else is having more fun (like the whole world is at a massive party to which you are not invited!). Keep trying - with small achievable steps- and hopefully she'll start to feel better.

Reply 24

evening sunrise

Original post by benfan

Your points are valid but your representation, which can be paraphrased as: I wanted halls, I did not get them, so I will take my ball home, did not paint your daughter in a very good light.

The answer is: such is life; now grow up get on with it.

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Reply 25

parentlurker

many students struggle with homesickness at first and not being in halls does make life a little more difficult.

A tip I picked up elsewhere - encourage them to structure their day and to plan activities. So they arrange to work in the library and eat lunch on campus, perhaps, where they are more likely to run into other students. Encourage them to set themselves targets - invite someone for coffee, send a friend request on Facebook, speak to two people in their lectures they haven't met, attend an event, admit to another student they are missing home. Arrange to visit in a few weeks so the term is broken into smaller parts and they have something to look forward to. Send a parcel or letter, it's good to get post.

Most students get through this and settle but she, and you, will be happier knowing that many of the students around her feel the same way in the initial weeks.

Reply 26

Texstyler

Original post by freshersmom

my daughter has just started uni, she unfortunately did not get accommodation in halls and is in a privately rented house with 5 other students, whom she didnt know prior to moving in. She is extremely unhappy and feels that she cant make friends and embrace the whole uni experience because she is not in halls.

she is seriously considering quitting the course and coming home as she is so unhappy.

ive tried all the usual 'mum' type solutions/advice..... can anyone help at all??

Hi, my daughter is in her freshman year as we speak and asked me to pass on this message.

Halls are not all they're cracked up to be. I have had food stolen from my part of the fridge, I have opened the door to my room one morning and trod (bare foot) in vomit left by an over drinker. I have witnessed one boy wee in the kitchen sink while being egged on by fellow students. I only have a room in a block and don't like the idea of locking myself in at night, especially as the windows only open about 20cm. I do however, close my door but have been awoken by the guy who has the room opposite, who thought he'd like to introduce me to a few of his friends at 3am by bringing them into my room. Needless to say either drunk or out of his head on something.
if you don't drink much then you get ostracised as that's all they seem to do. You can tell when their student loan is in the bank, in my block, they all walk around drinking neat vodka through a straw straight from the bottle.
of course not everyone or every uni is like that, but it's better to know that it could be.Plus halls cost much more than private rental and in private rental you will get a mix of ages. In halls they tend to be more or less the same age and act like they have just been let off of a leash.
Here are some alternative ways of meeting people and I will say it's a good idea to try and have some of your social life away from uni too.

volunteer in a charity shop, they always need help, you can get some great bargains and the people in them tend to be nice.
join a gym, but do the classes.
take an evening class in something you find relaxing, yoga or painting etc.
join your student union, they offer all sorts of advice and groups to join and lots of people do.
offer to help out with something like a Little League Football Club
use your Internet, search for things that may interest you in the area.

Good luck and remember, even the crap stuff is an experience.

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