I have a female friend and we were really close while at uni, we had a lot in common and very similar interests, etc. A few months ago I asked her out, but she just wanted to be friends. Since then things are still good between us when we are together, however we don't really see each other that much anymore due to not being at uni now, I want to still be friends with her because things are good when we are together and we are still more or less how we used to be.
The problem is I now seem to be extremely competitive with her, and I always feel like I have to be better than her, or the first to do something. I seem to have a lot of negative feelings aimed at her as welll, but its only when I'm not with her, when we hang out everything is fine.
I don't really know what to do about this or why it's happening. Its starting to really frustrate me, I want to still be friends with her as things are great when we are together, but when she tells me what she's doing I always get really angry/frustrated afterwards. Is there a way to stop this happening, while still being able to stay friends with her?
When she tells you how she's doing? You mean in terms of jobs/success? I might be going off assumptions here because you were being vague but do you feel like she's doing better than you in life/career and that that reduces your chances of being with her?
It is likely from what you say that you are not enjoying the relationship that you really want with this female friend and this is where the trouble starts...you actually deep down want something from her. The best relationships..in fact the only really successful ones are based on giving and wanting the best for others....somehow you have made the link between your perceived loss and her success. Know this..her success and happiness doesn't diminish you in any way at all. Look at what is happening in your mind and choose to feel differently. Celebrate the fact that your friend is happy and successful and be a fantastic friend. We cannot control how others feel about us..if you cannot be around her without negative feelings then it is time to move on...but really it is time to control your mind..SA
I think these negative feeling might be because inside you want to be part of and to share in her success in a way that a relationship would allow - but a friendship doesnt quite get there. I have had 'what might have been' frustrations like this when 'friendzoned'. Although spending time with someone you really like, who has rejected a relationship, can be fun, it also can lead to years of angst.
I honestly think it best to put more energy in to finding a good relationship. This would put things in to perspective and your friendship with her could stabilise in to something consistently good or even become less important to you.
You just want to do better than her in every aspect of life, so some part of her could feel like she missed out on something, and didn't see your potential.
Also she rejected you, so part of you takes pleasure in her misfortunes. But when you're together these emotions are forgotten temporarily because you are entranced by her presence.