Why can't I (21F) maintain friendships with other women?

I've tried googling this but every website seems to tell me I must be a misogynist. Whilst I could be a misogynist, I don't think I am.

I have cried a lot about not having any female friends. I have 2 close platonic relationships with men. They are both always telling me to make friends with women more.

I have lots of surface level friendships with people of the all genders. However, I only get invited to things by my male friends. They are the only ones that reach out to me and thus I feel comfortable reaching out to them.

Last year, I really made a big effort to hang out with other women. I invited people to things, I included myself in conversations etc. Most of the time I either got turned down or I ended up getting the feeling I was making them uncomfortable. I don't think all women are like this, but the experience was demoralising.

I have had a handful of close relationships with women in the past but they all ended quite badly. The problem is definitely me but I'm having a hard time figuring out what the problem is.

I'm really close to my mum and a female family friend, so I have women influences in my life, just none my own age.

I make an effort to hang out with my guy friends (and sometimes big mixed gender groups) every week, as socialising is good for my mental health. However, I know that hanging out with men most of the time is not a good look.

I guess I just wish I could hang out with women more. I feel a lot of anxiety around women these days, I always feel like I'm going to mess up.

Anyway, suggestions on how fix the problem would really be appreciated. Thank you.

Reply 1

Student2011584

From what you've said you don't seem to be the problem? Could potentially try joining a sports club, yoga etc. Or if sports aren't your thing maybe an arts club, book club etc which would help you meet new females with similar interests.

What do you think it is making these relationships not work? Are you ending in arguments, just not talking much, don't really like them? I understand you say you got turned down but was this like you'd ask to hangout and they'd say no?

Ladies can sometimes be quite *****y but by 21 I find most woman have matured, it sounds like you've just gotten unlucky. Feel free to private message me if you want a girl to chat to though, always open to new friendships!

Also, some people just get on better with guys and if they're good friends then their gender shouldn't matter too much (:

Reply 2

londonmyst

Plenty of women just don't want to be friends with other women, for a variety of different reasons.
Too competitive, crave male attention only, insecure about looks, view socialising with other women as a waste of their time, bitter that every other female has a better/happier life, traumatised by childhood experiences with 'mean girl' types and won't risk any friendship based opportunities for a repeat performance.

Different people often have very different friendship preferences and social circles.
It is fine not to have close women friends.
Or even any female friends at all.
As long as you are not habitually angry, envious or automatically hostile towards most/all other women.
My best friend is a fellow female but most of my friends are male.

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Articles for you

10 things new lawyers wish they'd known before studying law

What university is really like

Women in Stem: interview with an apprentice engineer

How to write your personal statement when you have nothing interesting to say