Am I being unfair to my boyfriend?
Hey, made an account to make this post as people seem to get good advice on here 
.
I've been with my boyfriend for four years and he has never had a job while I've known him. For a while it didn't bother me as I was a student, but now I'm realising that he should really grow up.
He does apply for jobs, but never gets any further, but he only applies to jobs that he thinks he will love. He says there are four things he won't do: care work, warehouse work, fast food and cleaning. Unfortunately, in our town, that pretty well sums up all that's on offer at the moment.
Until he has a job, I feel like we can't move on in our relationship. He's 30 and I'm 24 so we're at the stage where we're talking about things like getting a house and starting a family - neither of which we can do while he's on benefits (I've always been the type of person who likes to pay their own way, and could never have kids and just sponge).
Am am I being unreasonable to expect him to get a job, perhaps in a warehouse, that he wouldn't enjoy? Or should he realise life isn't all fun and games and get on with it?
I have a job that I love, and I understand that I'm lucky to have that - but I honestly believe that I would apply for everything if I was on benefits.
Thanks in advance for any replies - and sorry for any typing errors, I'm on my BB.
.I've been with my boyfriend for four years and he has never had a job while I've known him. For a while it didn't bother me as I was a student, but now I'm realising that he should really grow up.
He does apply for jobs, but never gets any further, but he only applies to jobs that he thinks he will love. He says there are four things he won't do: care work, warehouse work, fast food and cleaning. Unfortunately, in our town, that pretty well sums up all that's on offer at the moment.
Until he has a job, I feel like we can't move on in our relationship. He's 30 and I'm 24 so we're at the stage where we're talking about things like getting a house and starting a family - neither of which we can do while he's on benefits (I've always been the type of person who likes to pay their own way, and could never have kids and just sponge).
Am am I being unreasonable to expect him to get a job, perhaps in a warehouse, that he wouldn't enjoy? Or should he realise life isn't all fun and games and get on with it?
I have a job that I love, and I understand that I'm lucky to have that - but I honestly believe that I would apply for everything if I was on benefits.
Thanks in advance for any replies - and sorry for any typing errors, I'm on my BB.
(edited 10 years ago)
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I'm surprised he doesn't get kicked off benefits for not going into potential employment. I think you're right, he should get a job and he should know that as soon as he has one, and if he works hard, then he has a reference for his CV and could get a job he prefers. You have to start somewhere I suppose.
This isn't the time for idealism. He's on benefits because he can't be bothered to get a job and deal like everyone else has to, essentially. As you say, life is not fun and games, and he's 30, he should know that you can't afford to turn down jobs because you want one you love.
The longer he doesn't have a job and is on benefits, the harder it will be for him to finally get one. As is, right now, he has probably trapped himself into a job like fast food. He needs to get a job first, get some regular income, then he can start planning for the future and looking for the job he actually wants, or one that he wants more. But to stagnate as unemployed until you're 30 is, yes, unacceptable in my eyes. You're not being unreasonable by asking him to be what he is - an adult.
The longer he doesn't have a job and is on benefits, the harder it will be for him to finally get one. As is, right now, he has probably trapped himself into a job like fast food. He needs to get a job first, get some regular income, then he can start planning for the future and looking for the job he actually wants, or one that he wants more. But to stagnate as unemployed until you're 30 is, yes, unacceptable in my eyes. You're not being unreasonable by asking him to be what he is - an adult.
That's not unreasonable at all. He's 30 for goodness sake... does he expect to simply carry on not having a job and just leaving you to work?!
What qualifications does he have? Perhaps I'd understand if he has a degree and thinks he's over-qualified but still... I don't think anybody should think they're too good for a job considering the current situation we're in.
What qualifications does he have? Perhaps I'd understand if he has a degree and thinks he's over-qualified but still... I don't think anybody should think they're too good for a job considering the current situation we're in.
Unless there is good reason for it, he is a lazy sod! He should be getting a job, even if it's not something he particularly enjoys.If you love him, help him find a job. If you don't... what are you doing. There's plenty more cock in the chickenhouse that is life.
He hasn't been working for 4 years? tell him to stop being a bane on society and do something with his life.
I find it ridiculous that I'm ten years younger than the guy and have probably worked more hours in my life than he has. I personally think if you're unemployed and there are jobs available you shouldn't receive any benefits.
I find it ridiculous that I'm ten years younger than the guy and have probably worked more hours in my life than he has. I personally think if you're unemployed and there are jobs available you shouldn't receive any benefits.
(edited 10 years ago)
When I started reading I was thinking his probable around 18yrs old. 30 years old and hasnt had a job for atleast 4 years, the problem with this country.
He sounds like a complete waste of space. No offence, but he's a fully grown adult, and he needs to get a grip of his life. Really pisses me off that somebody can even sit there on their arse for FOUR ****ING YEARS and yet harp on about how they "won't do" certain jobs. Give him a plunger and a pair of marigolds, because this is reality.
Original post by Lucy_Jo
x
For me his behaviour would be totally unacceptable. People can't choose jobs that they want, he should accept that he may have to apply for a job that he is not going to like. And to be honest, if he hasn't had a job in four years, if I was in charge, I would think about withdrawing his benefits.
(edited 10 years ago)
He's 30 , wtf? Sounds like a teenager. Why are there so many overgrown man-children in this generation? It's like that bank advert recently where the guys meant to be 31 and talking about moving out of his 'rents house. For real?
Original post by Get_Lucky_606
He's 30 , wtf? Sounds like a teenager. Why are there so many overgrown man-children in this generation? It's like that bank advert recently where the guys meant to be 31 and talking about moving out of his 'rents house. For real?
Bro, that's different. Trust me- if you live in London especially, you'll need to earn aroud 30K at least to justify living out. Even then, £40K is reasonable and ensures some comfort
Original post by Lucy_Jo
Hey, made an account to make this post as people seem to get good advice on here .
I've been with my boyfriend for four years and he has never had a job while I've known him. For a while it didn't bother me as I was a student, but now I'm realising that he should really grow up.
He does apply for jobs, but never gets any further, but he only applies to jobs that he thinks he will love. He says there are four things he won't do: care work, warehouse work, fast food and cleaning. Unfortunately, in our town, that pretty well sums up all that's on offer at the moment.
Until he has a job, I feel like we can't move on in our relationship. He's 30 and I'm 24 so we're at the stage where we're talking about things like getting a house and starting a family - neither of which we can do while he's on benefits (I've always been the type of person who likes to pay their own way, and could never have kids and just sponge).
Am am I being unreasonable to expect him to get a job, perhaps in a warehouse, that he wouldn't enjoy? Or should he realise life isn't all fun and games and get on with it?
I have a job that I love, and I understand that I'm lucky to have that - but I honestly believe that I would apply for everything if I was on benefits.
Thanks in advance for any replies - and sorry for any typing errors, I'm on my BB.
.I've been with my boyfriend for four years and he has never had a job while I've known him. For a while it didn't bother me as I was a student, but now I'm realising that he should really grow up.
He does apply for jobs, but never gets any further, but he only applies to jobs that he thinks he will love. He says there are four things he won't do: care work, warehouse work, fast food and cleaning. Unfortunately, in our town, that pretty well sums up all that's on offer at the moment.
Until he has a job, I feel like we can't move on in our relationship. He's 30 and I'm 24 so we're at the stage where we're talking about things like getting a house and starting a family - neither of which we can do while he's on benefits (I've always been the type of person who likes to pay their own way, and could never have kids and just sponge).
Am am I being unreasonable to expect him to get a job, perhaps in a warehouse, that he wouldn't enjoy? Or should he realise life isn't all fun and games and get on with it?
I have a job that I love, and I understand that I'm lucky to have that - but I honestly believe that I would apply for everything if I was on benefits.
Thanks in advance for any replies - and sorry for any typing errors, I'm on my BB.
Yes. Yes, you are.
If he doesn't like the jobs around his area, he should move.
It doesn't look like he's willing to work his ass off and find a job. It's not acceptable, especially at an age of 30!
It doesn't look like he's willing to work his ass off and find a job. It's not acceptable, especially at an age of 30!
Original post by Icycandle
Yes. Yes, you are.
How?
I wouldnt dream of settling down with this guy, he should know by 30 that its easier to get a job if you are employed, so get into the damn warehouse and earn some money THEN look for his dream job. The longer he is out of work the harder it will be to get his life sorted out, and he might actually enjoy it once he gets there, you know the new mates, the camaraderie, the money...
Original post by Get_Lucky_606
He's 30 , wtf? Sounds like a teenager. Why are there so many overgrown man-children in this generation? It's like that bank advert recently where the guys meant to be 31 and talking about moving out of his 'rents house. For real?
Original post by 9MmBulletz
Bro, that's different. Trust me- if you live in London especially, you'll need to earn aroud 30K at least to justify living out. Even then, £40K is reasonable and ensures some comfort
9MmBulletz is absolutely correct. It makes no sense to move out of your parents' house when you are in your early 20s. Most people who think they can afford to do this probably can't.
How old are you if you don't mind me asking? The majority of people I know have moved out and are renting/sharing, maybe it does depend where you live though as the above poster has said? I can't imagine living at home still when I'm 30, christ.
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