Being gay is making me depressed

Hi everyone,

Just to give a bit of background of myself, I am 18 years old, about to go to Uni in September, and gay.

I have always known deep down, but came out to 'myself' at 15. I have never told anyone before in real life though. I am so used to keeping it to myself, that sometimes I actually think I'm straight!

The main reason for keeping it to myself was the fact that my friends at school were extremely homophobic. They were deeply deeply homophobic, and didn't even grow out of it as they got older. Other than that, they were great friends, but they made their views crystal clear. I just didn't want to put myself through unneccesary stress of coming out, being harrased by them and it effecting my exam results etc.

I don't fit the stereotypical 'image' of a gay guy. No one ever suspects it at all. But anyway, lately it's been making me depressed. I am just too scared to come out. My family wouldn't disown me, but things would be awkward between us, and my Mum is going to be dissapointed. She has even said before that if she had a gay child she would accept it, but she would be gutted. I just don't want to face the day of her being hysterical because she finds out her son is gay.

I am also sick of pretending I'm straight all the time. I'm sick of going to bars and clubs with my mates and pretending that I think the group of girls sitting next to us are hot. I am sick of pretending I'm interested in girls full stop.

Being forever alone also depresses me. Gay guys have a fraction of the option that straight guys have. And the few gays I have met, I have never had any attraction to before. At my school there were about 2 'out' gay people, and I just imagine University to be the same. There will probably be that one gay in my lecture, who is 'out and proud' but extremely flambouyant and feminine, and I just don't find that attractive at all.

I know you guys are going to tell me to come out, but I just can't find the strength to. I think I will tell people at Uni, but I don't know when the right time is to tell my family. Maybe never lol.

take your time its grand

my family would be the same..but theyll realise what really matters and you seem decent so it wont take too long

gay people acutally have decent success meeting people..gay men are a lot more forward...it helps..

I have homophobic mates myself..you can make new mates especially at uni
whether they accept you as gay or not it doesnt matter youll make new mates trust me :smile:

theres many less flamboyant gays ..ive met them myself..you dont neccesarily need to come out..you can just make a move on a lad if yeh want.unis tend to be very open on such issues so let yourself get comfortable with it first there

the world and especially the uk are become much more accepting of gays hence if anything there is reason for hope and smiles :smile:

itl take a while getting used to it all but itl be grand
just keep faith :smile:

Reply 21

louieee

18

I have a logical argument for you that you cannot defeat , just sayin’ ,

if you are gay, (1) [[ Of, relating to, or having a sexual orientation to persons of the same sex. ]], and this is a word you identify yourself with, then I would argue that in order to be truly gay, you must meet the requirements of the entire definition as well,

(2) [[ Showing or characterized by cheerfulness and lighthearted excitement; merry. ]]
(3) [[ Bright or lively, especially in color. ]]

^because without these^, you’re just kinda like that guy who rams it in with no lube, just slams it all the way back with his full momentum behind it, *POOOWW!!* … { { pop! } },

and I can tell in you that you are more than just a bloody, poopy mess absent of lube, you have within you the full definition as well,

so, you cannot be blue [alll the time] <— key word, because everybody gets blue, thats life, but you cannot be blue all the time and still call yourself [gay], because then, well, you know who you are then

- - - - - - -
- - - - -

- - - -
- - - -

:P

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 22

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Hi everyone,

Just to give a bit of background of myself, I am 18 years old, about to go to Uni in September, and gay.

I have always known deep down, but came out to 'myself' at 15. I have never told anyone before in real life though. I am so used to keeping it to myself, that sometimes I actually think I'm straight!

The main reason for keeping it to myself was the fact that my friends at school were extremely homophobic. They were deeply deeply homophobic, and didn't even grow out of it as they got older. Other than that, they were great friends, but they made their views crystal clear. I just didn't want to put myself through unneccesary stress of coming out, being harrased by them and it effecting my exam results etc.

I don't fit the stereotypical 'image' of a gay guy. No one ever suspects it at all. But anyway, lately it's been making me depressed. I am just too scared to come out. My family wouldn't disown me, but things would be awkward between us, and my Mum is going to be dissapointed. She has even said before that if she had a gay child she would accept it, but she would be gutted. I just don't want to face the day of her being hysterical because she finds out her son is gay.

I am also sick of pretending I'm straight all the time. I'm sick of going to bars and clubs with my mates and pretending that I think the group of girls sitting next to us are hot. I am sick of pretending I'm interested in girls full stop.

Being forever alone also depresses me. Gay guys have a fraction of the option that straight guys have. And the few gays I have met, I have never had any attraction to before. At my school there were about 2 'out' gay people, and I just imagine University to be the same. There will probably be that one gay in my lecture, who is 'out and proud' but extremely flambouyant and feminine, and I just don't find that attractive at all.

I know you guys are going to tell me to come out, but I just can't find the strength to. I think I will tell people at Uni, but I don't know when the right time is to tell my family. Maybe never lol.

I think this is what reddit is for

http://en.reddit.com/r/lgbt/

http://en.reddit.com/r/gaybros/

Seriously really useful.

Reply 23

C_G

11

Hit up the LGBT society when you get to uni, it will definitely help you.

Reply 24

fojodef

Original post by Anonymous

Hi everyone,

Just to give a bit of background of myself, I am 18 years old, about to go to Uni in September, and gay.

I have always known deep down, but came out to 'myself' at 15. I have never told anyone before in real life though. I am so used to keeping it to myself, that sometimes I actually think I'm straight!

The main reason for keeping it to myself was the fact that my friends at school were extremely homophobic. They were deeply deeply homophobic, and didn't even grow out of it as they got older. Other than that, they were great friends, but they made their views crystal clear. I just didn't want to put myself through unneccesary stress of coming out, being harrased by them and it effecting my exam results etc.

I don't fit the stereotypical 'image' of a gay guy. No one ever suspects it at all. But anyway, lately it's been making me depressed. I am just too scared to come out. My family wouldn't disown me, but things would be awkward between us, and my Mum is going to be dissapointed. She has even said before that if she had a gay child she would accept it, but she would be gutted. I just don't want to face the day of her being hysterical because she finds out her son is gay.

I am also sick of pretending I'm straight all the time. I'm sick of going to bars and clubs with my mates and pretending that I think the group of girls sitting next to us are hot. I am sick of pretending I'm interested in girls full stop.

Being forever alone also depresses me. Gay guys have a fraction of the option that straight guys have. And the few gays I have met, I have never had any attraction to before. At my school there were about 2 'out' gay people, and I just imagine University to be the same. There will probably be that one gay in my lecture, who is 'out and proud' but extremely flambouyant and feminine, and I just don't find that attractive at all.

I know you guys are going to tell me to come out, but I just can't find the strength to. I think I will tell people at Uni, but I don't know when the right time is to tell my family. Maybe never lol.

well.
in regards to coming out. I'm from quite a ruff around the edges background. grew up on an estate, having fights is a common way to resolve disputes and as you can imagine lots of homophobia.

but a few of my mates are gay. all of them had a non negative reaction when they came out to their families. in fact a few of them said they were quite underwhelmed at how little people cared.

I have a good friend whos gay. we grew up together. n he came out about 6 years ago. he's a lad. like me. wouldnt think he was gay to look at him. but we'll go out and i'll still ask him what he thinks of other girls. not asking if he would have sex with them. but just his opinion of how attractive they are. which is a difference. i broke the ice with him about it because i wanted to know what guys he was into cause i just couldnt imagine him being with some yellow hotpants wearing guy. anyway i would be aware that if we're out with the lads its obviously largely based on finding women. but cause we know he's gay we'll sometimes point guys out to him n be like "mate i'd shag him". but obviously he doesnt cause the guys probably straight. he have tried goin to gay bars with him but the bouncers are quite funny about letting so many straight lads in. but yea so we have this running joke of "i'd shag em" and he points out girls n we point out lads. its a laugh. plus as straight guys we can tell if men are attractive. don't mean we wanna shag em. but we are aware of other men at the least to gauge competition.

in fact if i could choose i'd be gay. cause i think theres more benefits to dating men than women.

like men are a lot more useful to have by your side. a lot more responsible and a lot less naggy n all that.

but you know. im straight, so i have to deal with girls irresponsibility and lack of loyalty and skill.

sounds like im bein a bit harsh there but its kinda true. a lot of girls waste their time on how to be attractive rather than being attractive by having a great skill.

anyway

also you'd have that "gay connection."

6 years my mates been gay but he's already got all these links to people in different areas of society. its like some secret cult. really allows for a unique level of networking.

if you want to get involved in creative work being gay will always be in your favour.

plus you dont have to tell anyone your gay you can just be like some gay james bond going out on gay nights/dates outside your city. could be quite the adventure.

also gay things are managed way better. like gay clubs are known for their good music n crazy nights to the point where even straight people go there. and at uni literally the most well organised society was the lgbt society. they even had their own custom (and well made) website separate from the students union page.

hope that helps you feel less down about bein gay.

peace

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 25

Anonymous #3

Your parents may actually already know, but keep it to themselves due to uncertainty. Parents sometimes have a tendency to notice things like this! Coming out will help with the depression, I have heard countless stories of people becoming much happier and comfortable with themselves after coming out!

Being gay is not a choice but you decide what you want to do about it. You'll look back and wish you did it earlier since it's almost an unnecessary burden to be closeted in our growingly accepting society. :yep:

Reply 26

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

Your parents may actually already know, but keep it to themselves due to uncertainty. Parents sometimes have a tendency to notice things like this! Coming out will help with the depression, I have heard countless stories of people becoming much happier and comfortable with themselves after coming out!

Being gay is not a choice but you decide what you want to do about it. You'll look back and wish you did it earlier since it's almost an unnecessary burden to be closeted in our growingly accepting society. :yep:

I doubt they know. They always talk about when I get a girlfriend, my future wife etc..

Reply 27

capachino

7

it might be diferent at uni , theres alot of gay people at mine and theres a local gay club people go to
its very accepting at my uni , i havent met anyone with opinions against gay people everyone seems cool with it , but i did speak to some people wit diferent views to that in my hometown
i go uni in london

Reply 28

ryan.tran1509

3

Original post by Anonymous

Hi everyone,

Just to give a bit of background of myself, I am 18 years old, about to go to Uni in September, and gay.

I have always known deep down, but came out to 'myself' at 15. I have never told anyone before in real life though. I am so used to keeping it to myself, that sometimes I actually think I'm straight!

The main reason for keeping it to myself was the fact that my friends at school were extremely homophobic. They were deeply deeply homophobic, and didn't even grow out of it as they got older. Other than that, they were great friends, but they made their views crystal clear. I just didn't want to put myself through unneccesary stress of coming out, being harrased by them and it effecting my exam results etc.

I don't fit the stereotypical 'image' of a gay guy. No one ever suspects it at all. But anyway, lately it's been making me depressed. I am just too scared to come out. My family wouldn't disown me, but things would be awkward between us, and my Mum is going to be dissapointed. She has even said before that if she had a gay child she would accept it, but she would be gutted. I just don't want to face the day of her being hysterical because she finds out her son is gay.

I am also sick of pretending I'm straight all the time. I'm sick of going to bars and clubs with my mates and pretending that I think the group of girls sitting next to us are hot. I am sick of pretending I'm interested in girls full stop.

Being forever alone also depresses me. Gay guys have a fraction of the option that straight guys have. And the few gays I have met, I have never had any attraction to before. At my school there were about 2 'out' gay people, and I just imagine University to be the same. There will probably be that one gay in my lecture, who is 'out and proud' but extremely flambouyant and feminine, and I just don't find that attractive at all.

I know you guys are going to tell me to come out, but I just can't find the strength to. I think I will tell people at Uni, but I don't know when the right time is to tell my family. Maybe never lol.

I used to be in a fairly similar situation.
Feel free to contact me if you need someone to share, just send me a private message :smile:

Hope you will feel better and be who you are in Uni

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 29

username4474260

1

Coming out when you are ready is the best thing you will ever do got yourself! I have had a long journey and came out when I was 20, I left my friends behind because of small town mentality. If your friends are homophobic and can't understand sexualities, then they are insecure, afraid and scared of being themselves . Perhaps in time you WILL change their behaviour. People surprise you sometimes, and your mum will support you. You need to start accepting yourself and get away from those dicks, otherwise you are going to find yourself in a very dark place my friend. Look after yourself, I'm in a better place now but have been through everything to get to where I am now. Be strong dude!

Being gay is making me depressed

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