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Going crazy over a girl from the past Watch

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    Someone I really believe was my boyfriend's true love, she was always his friend and I am not sure if anything ever happened (I know they never dated but I genuinely don't know if he slept with her or not) but the point is he did so much more for her than he ever does for me.
    Over a period of a few years, he seemed to make so much effort for her (some of what he's told me and some I know because I looked at his message history- which I know is completely wrong)

    He always invited her to go to his friend's flat (I have never been invited to do that- only once when the friend invited us himself)
    He always suggested stuff to her like going to exhibitions or some cool bar (He NEVER suggests places to me/takes me out, or very seldom. It's always me who has to)
    He paid for her at the cinema and stuff a lot when they went (Generally I pay for the majority of stuff in our relationship like food shopping etc. even though he earns 500 a month more than me sometimes, but he never offers me money)
    He said she looked like a supermodel, but he has never said that kind of stuff to me.
    He was just soo nice and sweet with her. They haven't talked for ages and she has a boyfriend now.
    She never CONFIRMED or denied whether she had feelings, even though he liked her for years. He knew I was insecure about her in the past. He had other female friends but he ONLY made effort with HER, never really the others.
    He thinks she's beautiful (it was obvious) and I just don' know what to do, it's driving me crazy. I feel like I was a second choice because he couldn't have her.
    Should I talk to him about this? I just can't stop thinking about it :s
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    oh and he invited her to parties with all his coursemates who didn't even know her (of course I have never been invited to that either)
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    Don't settle for second best.
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    (Original post by Terry McDermott)
    Don't settle for second best.
    We have been together for a couple of years now. He's said they have nothing in common, but I think he knew this already in those 3 years and that didn't stop him. Something that's weird was that she went on holiday with some guy who he didnt know at all (at a point where they hadn't seen each other for ages and he claimed he wouldn't see her again) and I found that he had been looking through this guys' profile pictures on facebook :s why would he care?
    I feel horrible for this, he says he loves me and I know he is with me, but she never said to him I don't like you in that way, he never knew and neither did his friends. I do not want to hurt him but I just feel depressed thinking about this every day and I want him to make more effort with me.
    He would probably dump me for bringing this up :s
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He would probably dump me for bringing this up :s
    Doesn't sound like much of a guy tbh.

    If he isn't prepared to talk to you about your insecurities I'd say he isn't worth it, but it's your choice
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    (Original post by Mubariz)
    Doesn't sound like much of a guy tbh.

    If he isn't prepared to talk to you about your insecurities I'd say he isn't worth it, but it's your choice
    He is just hard to talk to and gets angry easily. I once looked through his messages and I discovered stuff about this girl and another comment he'd made about me to a mate. I was upset and confonted him and he went crazy, saying he was not sure what to do about me and I thought he might end it, but he was ok with me after a couple of days.
    There has been no mention of this girl for months, so I think he'd be very angry with me for saying it. He told me that he was no longer attracted to her etc. but I think actions speak louder than words. I just wish he did as much for me as he did for her :s
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He is just hard to talk to and gets angry easily. I once looked through his messages and I discovered stuff about this girl and another comment he'd made about me to a mate. I was upset and confonted him and he went crazy, saying he was not sure what to do about me and I thought he might end it, but he was ok with me after a couple of days.
    There has been no mention of this girl for months, so I think he'd be very angry with me for saying it. He told me that he was no longer attracted to her etc. but I think actions speak louder than words. I just wish he did as much for me as he did for her :s
    I think looking through his messages was wrong but surely if he said something that upset you he shouldn't have said it. The fact that he got angry when you confronted him about it does tell me that he's not the one you're looking for.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Someone I really believe was my boyfriend's true love, she was always his friend and I am not sure if anything ever happened (I know they never dated but I genuinely don't know if he slept with her or not) but the point is he did so much more for her than he ever does for me.
    Over a period of a few years, he seemed to make so much effort for her (some of what he's told me and some I know because I looked at his message history- which I know is completely wrong)

    He always invited her to go to his friend's flat (I have never been invited to do that- only once when the friend invited us himself)
    He always suggested stuff to her like going to exhibitions or some cool bar (He NEVER suggests places to me/takes me out, or very seldom. It's always me who has to)
    He paid for her at the cinema and stuff a lot when they went (Generally I pay for the majority of stuff in our relationship like food shopping etc. even though he earns 500 a month more than me sometimes, but he never offers me money)
    He said she looked like a supermodel, but he has never said that kind of stuff to me.
    He was just soo nice and sweet with her. They haven't talked for ages and she has a boyfriend now.
    She never CONFIRMED or denied whether she had feelings, even though he liked her for years. He knew I was insecure about her in the past. He had other female friends but he ONLY made effort with HER, never really the others.
    He thinks she's beautiful (it was obvious) and I just don' know what to do, it's driving me crazy. I feel like I was a second choice because he couldn't have her.
    Should I talk to him about this? I just can't stop thinking about it :s
    talk to him about it.
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    (Original post by Mubariz)
    I think looking through his messages was wrong but surely if he said something that upset you he shouldn't have said it. The fact that he got angry when you confronted him about it does tell me that he's not the one you're looking for.
    Yeah, he's a very angry person in general though, he said that he 'chose me'. I think he would have absolutely no idea that I am feeling like this, and I am so scared because I don't want to hurt him, I've tried so hard to forget this stuff but I can't....
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    Talk to him about it, maybe hes still caught up on her.
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    I'll be honest. This guy has no value to you.
    He ignores you, seems to be ashamed to take you anywhere or introduce you to anyone, doesn't treat you (in fact, by your own admittance, you pay for everything). You don't trust him or you wouldn't be going through his FB.
    Why are you with him? He seems to have sapped your self esteem, if you had any to begin with.
    Find someone who makes you his world, not his make do.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah, he's a very angry person in general though, he said that he 'chose me'. I think he would have absolutely no idea that I am feeling like this, and I am so scared because I don't want to hurt him, I've tried so hard to forget this stuff but I can't....
    A relationship is about give and take, if you aren't happy, then leave.

    as the person above said, confront him about it, tell him how you are feeling and if he dumps you then you can find a better guy.
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    (Original post by Malevolent)
    Talk to him about it, maybe hes still caught up on her.
    Even after all this time He liked her for years without even ever dating her, it's crazy. I actually got upset once because he was making excuses as to why we shouldn't go to his friends' party, and I just got mad and told him that he could take her to all the parties, but he couldn't take me, his girlfriend. (We never went to any parties together and never do now)
    and he looked so shocked and didn't even argue, and then told me the next day that we should go to the party....
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    (Original post by Cobbler)
    I'll be honest. This guy has no value to you.
    He ignores you, seems to be ashamed to take you anywhere or introduce you to anyone, doesn't treat you (in fact, by your own admittance, you pay for everything). You don't trust him or you wouldn't be going through his FB.
    Why are you with him? He seems to have sapped your self esteem, if you had any to begin with.
    Find someone who makes you his world, not his make do.
    I don't think that because he earns more money than me means that he should pay for more, but I want it to be equal. I don't think he's paid for our big food shop in about 3 months :s he knows I am always paying, but never offers anything. But he'll pay expensive cinema tickets for his precious friend no problem.
    If i'm not that great, then I don't know why he is with me really. We've been through all of these things, and I think now it's just about me finding the courage to leave him.
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    I don't see how he's desirable to you at all.

    He puts you second best, you can't even talk to him because of fear that he'll get angry. This is not a healthy relationship.

    Are you putting out? If yes, you have your answer. He's 'enjoying' you without giving you the time of day when you want it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Even after all this time He liked her for years without even ever dating her, it's crazy. I actually got upset once because he was making excuses as to why we shouldn't go to his friends' party, and I just got mad and told him that he could take her to all the parties, but he couldn't take me, his girlfriend. (We never went to any parties together and never do now)
    and he looked so shocked and didn't even argue, and then told me the next day that we should go to the party....
    Honestly it sounds like hes still stuck on her. It really isn't right how hes treating you!
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    (Original post by Malevolent)
    Honestly it sounds like hes still stuck on her. It really isn't right how hes treating you!
    I just feel like screaming or punching a wall. I don't care if a boy is rich, has a six-pack, drives a flash car or any of that. I just want someone who just wants me and who doesn't fawn for other girls secretly!
    I was so upset because he randomly invited this girl who had only met 2 of his classmates, to a party full of classmates who don't know her at all. What I should mention is that I did an internship at their college for a couple of months (even though we're all the same age) and the first few months of us dating (they had left college for good) he did not want to tell anyone about us dating in case people 'judged us' or were '*****y'- even one of his close friends didn't know until I got upset about it after 4 months!
    It's as if I were a 60 year-old dating a 14 year-old student! We were all over 20!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just feel like screaming or punching a wall. I don't care if a boy is rich, has a six-pack, drives a flash car or any of that. I just want someone who just wants me and who doesn't fawn for other girls secretly!
    I was so upset because he randomly invited this girl who had only met 2 of his classmates, to a party full of classmates who don't know her at all. What I should mention is that I did an internship at their college for a couple of months (even though we're all the same age) and the first few months of us dating (they had left college for good) he did not want to tell anyone about us dating in case people 'judged us' or were '*****y'- even one of his close friends didn't know until I got upset about it after 4 months!
    It's as if I were a 60 year-old dating a 14 year-old student! We were all over 20!
    Get out seriously. You need to find someone who loves you and respects you. This guy sounds like hes being a right douche.
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    He got friendzoned by that girl. And now he's settled for you and is too lazy to make the same effort he did with the other girl. Basically.
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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    He got friendzoned by that girl. And now he's settled for you and is too lazy to make the same effort he did with the other girl. Basically.

    Sounds like you're right.

    Wouldn't want somebody like that personally.
 
 
 
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