Is it better for me to avoid women-physically avoid them-until I am less insecure?

If women can smell insecurity (metaphorically), then it seems there is no point in trying to even be friends until I have gained more confidence in myself and made something of my name. (This is the root I took for most of adolescence). Challenge my view.

Move to 'advice on everyday issues'?

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 1

miser

20

Original post by Riku

If women can smell insecurity (metaphorically), then it seems there is no point in trying to even be friends until I have gained more confidence in myself and made something of my name. (This is the root I took for most of adolescence). Challenge my view.

Move to 'advice on everyday issues'?

No. If you keep cocooning yourself and digging everywhere to find more shortcomings, you'd never get better.

Reply 2

Riku

OP

2

Original post by miser

No. If you keep cocooning yourself and digging everywhere to find more shortcomings, you'd never get better.

but the negative feedback from this forum has been so strong that there seems no choice but to crawl into my man-cave and devise a plan of action that would make me come out as a handsome, attractive, powerful, successful man. Otherwise, I'm not going to get respected by my female friends, and might not even know it.

Am I doing this wrong?

Reply 3

So Fetch

12

How will you gain confidence if you're hiding from women?

Reply 4

miser

20

Original post by Riku

but the negative feedback from this forum has been so strong that there seems no choice but to crawl into my man-cave and devise a plan of action that would make me come out as a handsome, attractive, powerful, successful man. Otherwise, I'm not going to get respected by my female friends, and might not even know it.

Am I doing this wrong?

Yes, in my opinion you are doing it totally wrong. You get negative feedback because people get tired of reading the same threads about your insecurities, asking for advice and yet not acting on any of it. You shouldn't be entertaining the idea that secluding yourself and strategising is going to somehow make you better - it's obsessing about this stuff in the first place that has been so bad for you.

It won't help you win women's respect either - if anything, becoming a hermit living in your "man-cave" would do precisely the opposite.

In my opinion, you should continue to work through this stuff with health professionals whilst trying to live as normally as possible, i.e., not constantly reading, writing and thinking about the things that cause you anxieties.

+1 for faking it

You never fail to amuse me :biggrin:

Reply 7

Riku

OP

2

I find this hard to believe, I respected myself around my employer and she still won't give me extra hours, I really feel people expect you to have something to back up your claims of self confidence or they think you're full of it. Quantifiable, material skills and attributes useful in a relationship or for the workforce.

Reply 8

Riku

OP

2

Original post by TSR Mustafa

You never fail to amuse me :biggrin:

glad to see that the primary reason for my mental health problems (when all is said and done) amuses you :rolleyes:

Reply 9

Riku

OP

2

should have explained: by 'smell insecurity', I do mean that you have like a hawk eye for body language etc. :s-smilie:

yeah that's what happened when was 14-16 :tongue:

honestly it's just debilitating social anxiety around women because of so many stories of failed r'ships, people talking behind each other's back (my ex told me a lot of women do this), those fine lines between 'hot' 'cute/sweet' and 'loser'…personally I've turned to the likes of Redpill (minus the misogyny) for answers now, there is such a disparity between what people get told to do-'just be yourself/be confident' etc.-and how the situation plays out

Is it better for me to avoid women-physically avoid them-until I am less insecure?

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