Is he flirting with me?
Back story: I'm 26 on a MSc course. My focus this year was to get a distinction and so without meaning to I've made friends with some of the more hardworking people on the course. One them is this 29 y/o guy. We're always in the library at the same time etc. He knows i have a boyfriend, I know he has a girlfriend. We're about 7 weeks into the course, and from about 3 weeks ago he's started making some jokes. (Sorry, I hate writing this bit, I'm not being vain, but just to put it in context, I know that I'm above average in looks.)
- He brought some lollipops in (one for him and one for me) while we were studying. And he got the giggles. Saying he can't watch me eat it, it reminds him about blowjobs. Admittedly at the time I laughed, it still made me think that it was a bit out of place. I mean neither of us are 18 anymore, and the vibe is generally a lot more mature in an MSc course.
- One night late at the library, he asked if I was going home, and I said no I was going to my boyfriend's. And he asked if I was going to get a good 'f uc king'. I didn't reply.
- He's been jokingly shoving me, if we disagree about something. Or he'll try and ruffle my hair if he walks past. (again annoying, as it just messes up my hair)
- Yesterday in the library, out of nowhere he asked how many guys I could suck off in an hour. I was a bit caught aback, personally thinking it was a bit of a disgusting question, which I told him. But joked it out, and sort of tactically replied.
All of this is starting to annoy me a little bit. Yes, I can take jokes etc, but these feel so lewd and to be honest I think I'm past the age of putting up with childish, silly, jokes and expected him to be a bit more mature.
I know my boyfriend isn't like this with his female friends and would never ask them such sexually motivated Qs, in fact, none of my guy mates act like this with me either.
Anyway, I was just thinking as he's just messaged me about how I am, and I ignored it and why I ignored it, and it's because I'm annoyed at the above. Surely, if he knows I have a boyfriend, and he has a girlfriend, this isn't flirting? Is it?
There is no way I am being in anyway suggestive/flirty with him. Why is he being like this? He isn't like this with other people on the course.
- He brought some lollipops in (one for him and one for me) while we were studying. And he got the giggles. Saying he can't watch me eat it, it reminds him about blowjobs. Admittedly at the time I laughed, it still made me think that it was a bit out of place. I mean neither of us are 18 anymore, and the vibe is generally a lot more mature in an MSc course.
- One night late at the library, he asked if I was going home, and I said no I was going to my boyfriend's. And he asked if I was going to get a good 'f uc king'. I didn't reply.
- He's been jokingly shoving me, if we disagree about something. Or he'll try and ruffle my hair if he walks past. (again annoying, as it just messes up my hair)
- Yesterday in the library, out of nowhere he asked how many guys I could suck off in an hour. I was a bit caught aback, personally thinking it was a bit of a disgusting question, which I told him. But joked it out, and sort of tactically replied.
All of this is starting to annoy me a little bit. Yes, I can take jokes etc, but these feel so lewd and to be honest I think I'm past the age of putting up with childish, silly, jokes and expected him to be a bit more mature.
I know my boyfriend isn't like this with his female friends and would never ask them such sexually motivated Qs, in fact, none of my guy mates act like this with me either.
Anyway, I was just thinking as he's just messaged me about how I am, and I ignored it and why I ignored it, and it's because I'm annoyed at the above. Surely, if he knows I have a boyfriend, and he has a girlfriend, this isn't flirting? Is it?
There is no way I am being in anyway suggestive/flirty with him. Why is he being like this? He isn't like this with other people on the course.
Original post by the bear
his behavior is rather worrying. are you sure he has a girlfriend, or is it just that he says he has one ?
Nope sure he has one... She's in a few of his profile pictures on facebook. Although he himself rarely mentions her.
Original post by Black Cat
Lewd guy indeed he seems to enjoy banter you need to tell him that it is isn't right for him to speak to you in such manner. Set standards for yourself at the moment he walking all over you and knows that you wouldn't say anything.
Yeah, it annoys me that he feels he can act like that with me. At the same time, I really hate conflict etc and don't want an argument or to make things weird. Trying to think of a tactical way to do it. Each time, I don't reciprocate, but joke it off. Maybe next time I'll be a bit more firm.
Other than this stuff, he does help with work, and I also help with his ie. he's a good sutdy buddy and we share the same goals for the course, so it would be rubbish if we stopped being friends.
So how many guys can you suck off in an hour OP?
Original post by Silver Arrow
So how many guys can you suck off in an hour OP?
i vote deck him
Yeah, it's pretty horrid. I hoped decency would prevail but obviously not.
And re bf getting involved, firstly, he wouldn't be violent, but secondly and most importantly... this is a really small campus where the researcers know the students, and I don't want an awkward scene on my reputation, especially as I'm hoping to do my PhD there.
And re bf getting involved, firstly, he wouldn't be violent, but secondly and most importantly... this is a really small campus where the researcers know the students, and I don't want an awkward scene on my reputation, especially as I'm hoping to do my PhD there.
Just have a word with him.....tell him in clear terms the kind of relationship you expect to have with him.
Just because he has a gf doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings for you. If that is it, his behavior makes a lot of sense.
Just because he has a gf doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings for you. If that is it, his behavior makes a lot of sense.
Original post by KingStannis
Just have a word with him.....tell him in clear terms the kind of relationship you expect to have with him.
Just because he has a gf doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings for you. If that is it, his behavior makes a lot of sense.
Just because he has a gf doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings for you. If that is it, his behavior makes a lot of sense.
Yes, I think I'll have to. The next time he does something, I will. And I'll try to do it tactfully so it doesn't seem like a big deal or it doesn't make things awkward.
Lately, the number of non-study related messages from him has increased too... like what I'm doing and if I'm OK (not sleazy things though, those he saves for when we're face to face...)
I can't help but think what I've done to make him think it's OK to act like that towards me, and it makes me feel angry he feels like he can act like that with me.
Just blank him and don't communicate with him for some time then he will probably stop and realise that your no longer close (in terms of friends) so he will stop talking to you to. If he says hello do you want to go... say I got work to do and if says I will tag along say NO. Simply keep avoiding him it works all the time for me for girls I don't want to talk to. But if he does keep coming back then that means he's attracted to you. If blanking him doesn't work just tell him we can no longer be friends or tell him be appropriate its not funny.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Project Tsukyomi
Just blank him and don't communicate with him for some time then he will probably stop and realise that your no longer close (in terms of friends) so he will stop talking to you to. If he says hello do you want to go... say I got work to do and if says I will tag along say NO. Simply keep avoiding him it works all the time for me for girls I don't want to talk to. But if he does keep coming back then that means he's attracted to you. If blanking him doesn't work just tell him we can no longer be friends or tell him be appropriate its not funny.
Yeah see that's where the problem lies. As I mentioned in my original post... I've made friends with people who are hardworking and who are good to study with. Like people you can bounce ideas off and people who are equally motivated as me. Minus all the dirty things he does, he's actually a good study partner. It's just those infrequent, but nasty, things in between that are bugging me.
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah see that's where the problem lies. As I mentioned in my original post... I've made friends with people who are hardworking and who are good to study with. Like people you can bounce ideas off and people who are equally motivated as me. Minus all the dirty things he does, he's actually a good study partner. It's just those infrequent, but nasty, things in between that are bugging me.
I see that is a problem, I guess your only option is to talk to him and settle things. (the guy sounds like a weirdo.)
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Project Tsukyomi
I see that is a problem, I guess your only option is to talk to him and settle things. (the guy sounds like a weirdo.)
Yup I agree with you. But such a massive idiot for someone who's in a committed relationship. Ugh, just so disrespectful on all grounds.
Original post by Meduza
God OP, you're making such a big deal out of it - maybe if you didn't ignore him or joined in the 'banter' and actually told him off you wouldn't be here making this thread.
I'm really not making a big deal out of it... made the thread to gauge whether or not there was anything underhand happening. I'm not spending time mulling over it, that's what the thread is for. And if you've read the above, you'll find I've already come to a conclusion in a relatively short amount of time - ergo, it's no big deal, just something I find annoying.
Firstly, I don't want to join in the 'banter' because this is exactly the sort of thing I don't like in guys. I don't find it funny and I'm definitely not going to encourage it. And, I have jokingly told him jokes like that aren't appreciated.
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