I just want love! LONG

So Ive known this guy for 3 years now, and at the start of last year we fell in love.
I was his first kiss and I should just mention that he was brought up by only his mum and knows no other family, also he's very awkward about a lot of things such as he wont go to anyone's house or invite anyone over (just an example and this kinda ruins the relationship a little)

So last year it was all great, we were hanging out all the time and kissing and it was great fun, I really felt like we were boyfriend and girlfriend! He told me he's waiting until college for an 'official' relationship so I thought I'd just wait until then and we called ourselves half bf and gf since we acted like a couple but weren't officially 'dating'.
Recently, he's really changed...
He's lately been really sassy with me and it pisses me off, he used to be really happy and a good guy pretty much all the time until this year. As well as that he says he doesn't feel comfortable kissing me for more than a soft peck as he thinks anything more is moving too fast. Another thing is we hardly ever hang out anymore and even when I invite him out somewhere he usually has an excuse not to go.
I understand that he doesn't feel comfortable with kissing and I'm not saying he's bad for it but the thing is I'm the type of girl that's really into romance and especially since we hardly hang out now, I feel like I'm not getting any love anymore. We used to have long Facebook chats until 2am but it's barely anything now. I feel a bit trapped, I love him so much and I want to be with him but I feel like I'm holding onto nothing here and I'm struggling on what to do. I really just want someone to love me but if he won't then what can I do 😞 I miss the feeling of kisses and cuddles, it hurts a lot.

Any advice at all would be appreciated and sorry if I sound selfish I just really need to get this out and have help. I'm wondering how long it will take for him to progress the relationship but asking him sounds really pushy if you know what I mean.
He does tell me he loves me but doesn't show it anymore

(Please don't just hate on me, that really won't help)

Reply 1

Dreamer583

I'm really sorry this is happening to you. Below I've offered a solution for you, but I don't think you'll like it. Please read my reasoning, and think it through. I'm not trying to be cruel, or to hurt you. You posted on this forum for help and that's all I'm trying to offer.

My solution to your problem is to end your relationship with him. (And what you described, insofar as I understand, is a relationship whether or not HE wants to call it that.)

To be completely honest, it sounds like he's just not that into you or the relationship anymore. He sounds fairly immature and so he probably doesn't know how to straightforwardly tell you, which can be maddening and I'm sorry. First of all (and this is general) if a guy fancies you -- he will start conversations and he will want to see you. If he doesn't fancy you (or likes you fine, but isn't THAT interested) he won't. It's harsh and I'm sorry, but it's also true. Second of all, I think it's probably the case because I've been in the same situation, except I was the one who didn't really want to be that close to my then-boyfriend. I evaded him and made excuses, when I should have told him what was going on.

My advice to you? Is to end it. Meet him for coffee (or meet him at his house or yours if you think there will be tears) and say, "I don't feel like you're interested in me anymore, and I think we both deserve to see other people... I wish you the best." I don't know you, but you sound nice and anyone who is a decent, kind person (and you sound like both) deserves someone who values them, who WILL call you his girlfriend, who WON'T avoid seeing you and who WON'T suddenly not want to cuddle and kiss you. You deserve better than him.

I won't lie to you, ending it is going to hurt. But let me promise you this -- it gets better. It gets way better, I promise. How can I promise this? Experience. The guy I was dating who was to me what this guy is to you broke up with me about two years ago, and at first... it hurt. It took a long time for us to finally stop grovelling over each other after the breakup. But what happens is that one day, I woke up and it hurt a little less... and then it hurt a little less the day after that... and I met new people, I got into another relationship and life moved on, and I realised that there was a bigger world, and I had dreams that somehow, magically -- were bigger than the guy.

Do I still think about the guy sometimes? Yes, of course. Will I ever forget the guy, and how I felt about him? Nope, not for a second. Does it still feel like there's a gaping hole in my chest where he once was? Honestly... no. I miss him sometimes, I think about him sometimes... but no, the gaping, energy-sucking, emotional-sucking wound healed. There's a bigger world out there, that expands past him. And this will happen for you: It'll be hard at first, but slowly your life will expand past him and you'll meet people (friends, potential boyfriends) who will expand your world, and your horizons -- I promise!

Good luck, I hope this helped you. Whatever you decide to do, remember that you are someone who has a lot to offer the world and there IS someone out there who will see it, and honour everything you have to offer every day. Good luck.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Dreamer583

Thank you so much for your advice, I honestly really appreciate it!
I was considering ending things, I think we're just gonna go back to being friends as I don't want him completely out of my life or anything, I'm just tired of waiting for things that won't happen.
The only thing is that he is my prom date so I'm not sure what to do about that, prom is in a month so I'm a bit stuck there :/ Also I think that if he starts going out with other girls I can't say anything about it but it will still break my heart and idk if I can handle it 😁
I just wish he would have shown me love 😪

Thank you again so much for the reply <3

Reply 3

Dreamer583

Perhaps talk to him beforehand, and then go to prom as "just friends"? It might be a little weird at first, but I'm sure you can push through. I'm not sure about that one, though. Good luck! :-)

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Dreamer583

Perhaps talk to him beforehand, and then go to prom as "just friends"? It might be a little weird at first, but I'm sure you can push through. I'm not sure about that one, though. Good luck! :-)

Yeah I think that's a good idea!
It's just such a shame that what was an amazing relationship has turned to dust

I'll let you know how it goes :smile: