Can't get over my ex

Been about 4 months since my ex broke up with me and I'm still really struggling. I know 4 months isn't exactly the longest time but I still miss him so much. Feel like I should probably go back on the dating apps just to occupy myself, but the thought of dating someone else just does not appeal to me. I want it to be him, not anyone else.

Reply 1

Surnia

20

Find other activities to occupy you; meet with friends, pamper yourself, do some community work to appreciate what you have. But he's your ex for a reason and you'll find it better to move on without clinging on to false hope; if he loved you he wouldn't have left you, so don't think he's the only guy in the world for you.

Reply 2

Zarek

21

I think it can take at least a year to get over a breakup, but new and better love comes. Maybe heal a while longer, with some new pursuits where you might meet someone good. And when you’re ready hit the apps again

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

This was me a year ago. And I went back and we broke up again just 2 months ago. But this time it was easier because we broke up for the same reason.
I wish someone told me before we got back together that you broke up for a reason.
You don't miss him. You miss the texts, the dates, the late night calls. And if you go back, he's filling the void that feels empty right now. Trust me, you don't miss him.
Going on dating apps can be fun as long as you're not looking for anything serious.
I suggest going out to bars/clubs and meeting new people, having fun with your friends and getting back to you. Just learn to love yourself more, realise your worth and become a better you. Trust me, months of having fun with your friends will fill the void. In most relationships, we forget to have fun especially with loved ones around us.
Hope this has helped. I feel like I'm rambling on lol. XOX

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Surnia

Find other activities to occupy you; meet with friends, pamper yourself, do some community work to appreciate what you have. But he's your ex for a reason and you'll find it better to move on without clinging on to false hope; if he loved you he wouldn't have left you, so don't think he's the only guy in the world for you.

I've been trying to occupy myself but he's always on my mind. My friends are all in relationships so hard for them to understand and they're often busy. He was the first boy I was able to open up to and fully be myself in such a long time which makes it worse. Not to mention I got really close with his friends and family, so feel like I've lost them too which makes the whole thing even worse.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Zarek

I think it can take at least a year to get over a breakup, but new and better love comes. Maybe heal a while longer, with some new pursuits where you might meet someone good. And when you’re ready hit the apps again

God I don't think I can hack feeling like this for much longer, but yeah you're right. It took me a good year to get over my previous ex and honestly I think there's still things that I'm not fully over from that break up. I want to find someone but realistically the only way to do that nowadays in on the apps, but I really don't feel ready for that. So it's a bit of a catch 22.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

This was me a year ago. And I went back and we broke up again just 2 months ago. But this time it was easier because we broke up for the same reason.
I wish someone told me before we got back together that you broke up for a reason.
You don't miss him. You miss the texts, the dates, the late night calls. And if you go back, he's filling the void that feels empty right now. Trust me, you don't miss him.
Going on dating apps can be fun as long as you're not looking for anything serious.
I suggest going out to bars/clubs and meeting new people, having fun with your friends and getting back to you. Just learn to love yourself more, realise your worth and become a better you. Trust me, months of having fun with your friends will fill the void. In most relationships, we forget to have fun especially with loved ones around us.
Hope this has helped. I feel like I'm rambling on lol. XOX

No not rambling at all, thank you.

See I would love to go out and have more fun with my friends, don't get me wrong I have been doing. But all my friends are in relationships so are usually busy/don't want to go out and get drunk.

Oh believe me I've been there. My previous ex & I went back and forth a lot, but I think in the end it solidified that we did need to break up.

This break up is completely different however as it came out of nowhere, a complete shock. Everything was going so well, then he got cold feet when things were getting too serious. Still confused about the whole thing. As were all his friends and family.

Reply 7

Surnia

20

Original post by Anonymous

I've been trying to occupy myself but he's always on my mind. My friends are all in relationships so hard for them to understand and they're often busy. He was the first boy I was able to open up to and fully be myself in such a long time which makes it worse. Not to mention I got really close with his friends and family, so feel like I've lost them too which makes the whole thing even worse.

Hang on, was this the boyfried who was treated badly by an ex so wouldn't commit to you?

Reply 8

username6011214

8

Original post by Anonymous

Been about 4 months since my ex broke up with me and I'm still really struggling. I know 4 months isn't exactly the longest time but I still miss him so much. Feel like I should probably go back on the dating apps just to occupy myself, but the thought of dating someone else just does not appeal to me. I want it to be him, not anyone else.

I feel this in my soul. Sometimes the short-lived ones hit a little harder, because it feels like there was more potential. I remember reading/watching these tips when I was going through a real gut-wrenching break up - but I can't remember who it was. If anyone knows, please let me know, because it was the best damn advice I've ever gotten.

1. Give yourself time to mourn the loss of the relationship. A week or two, no more. Allow yourself to feel sad, vent to a friend you really trust. Or, video yourself and rant. Cry if that's what you need. Journal, get it all out. It's your half-way there to moving on.

2. After the two weeks, it's time to get on your healing, and start to move on. I know you mentioned about not wanting to date right now, but get out there (and I don't necessarily mean dating apps!). Go out with friends, speak to new people when you're out. People find you when you're not the one looking.

3. Whenever you have a moment of weakness, or an urge to text them again. Maybe you're missing them, or something reminds you of them, I use a four step process, and it's never failed me yet. 1) Take five deep breaths, and chug a glass of water. 2) Eat something. Something small, or a full meal. It doesn't matter, just something to nibble. 3) *Slightly NSFW* Masturbate. Two reasons, A, sexual desire, and frustration can make you feel like you're missing someone, when in reality, you're missing the idea of them. B, post-nut clarity is a god send, and a good slap in the face in a moment of weakness - only a pleasant one. 4) Take a nap. 15, 30 minutes. Go sleep.

We're in a world where everything is instant gratification, and it's the exact same for wanting to text an ex. You want that longing, and missing feeling gone instantly. You don't want to work, and wait for it to subside. You want it gone now, and want to feel better, even if it leaves you feeling worse in the long run. By doing four steps, you give yourself time, and clarity to truly think about it;and allow the urge to pass without compromising your 'healing journey'. I like to think of it as, 'if it was meant for me, and to happen, it would've.' The universe wouldn't let something that was meant for me to pass me by, so why am I wasting my time fixated, and longing for something that was never in my path? I'm just compromising, and sending off all the wrong vibes to what's actually meant for me, and what will be good for me.

Healing from a break up isn't linear. You're not aiming for an upward slope. It's be like a wave, only your lows will get a little higher each time, and as time passes. Eventually, what goes from a low of 'I need them so badly I feel physically sick' goes to 'I wonder how they're getting on' to 'It was an experience I went through, and I'm passed it'. It'll be up and down. You can't expect to never miss them, or never have a moment of weakness, or a low. You will. They'll just get easier each time.

Sending my love,

Can't get over my ex

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