'Nice Guy' Making Me Irrationally Angry...
ARGH...
This guy from work (I work in an office), he's only 19 but seems to have latched onto me. We're the two youngest, although I am in my mid twenties so a fair bit older. I am a sociable, friendly person so was happy to chat to him regularly in the office (we're in different rooms) and even by email. I let him add me on facebook. I started getting signs of it not being a normal, casual work friendship when I started to feel uncomfortable around him. I'm certainly no prude but he could be quite vulgar and he doesn't even know me. He had a girlfriend at this point though so I didn't feel too threatened. He made some off colour comments that offended my liberal tendencies but I did put him straight, told him off haha, and I also put it down to his young age and the fact he's never left this small rural place (I've been to Uni, lived in London after uni etc).
Anyway... he messages me all the time, work, FB messenger, and will use any excuse to try and tie to work so I have to respond as I'm higher up than him and I've been here longer. He doesn't do it as much at the mo as I've been ignoring his messages. He sent me a message the other night which I didn't read until two days later (I muted him so didn't get the notification) to say his girlfriend had dumped him and would work mind if he had a day off etc. I felt bad for him as I think he's a nice lad but I also was a bit frustrated that he was still trying to get my attention and it felt a bit like a neon sign saying I'M SINGLE NOW!!! Why can't he tell his friends who he has known for much longer, his good friends? I'm starting to think he doesn't have any...
I said I was sorry to hear it as I don't want to be heartless and ignore him but I felt like it was just his way of trying to get me to talk to him. I am, thankfully, leaving very shortly anyway so won't see him but he's started asking me what I want for a leaving present. He's boasted in the past to me about how much money he spends. I'm not materialistic, in fact I'm a bit scabby, I have no idea why he thinks it's impressive but perhaps it's because of his age. I'm clearly not that kind of girl anyway, I wear Converse to work and most of my clothes are recycled! He keeps telling me what he's thinking of buying for me but I told him not to bother and he insisted he will buy me gifts.
Just... I can't understand why he can't just be normal, I have plenty of colleagues I am friendly with, but none of them bombard me. He has calmed down since I've been ignoring him but things like the message about his girlfriend indicate to me that he's still not given up hope.
Yeah, I'm leaving, so I can just see it out and say nothing but I'm worried he'll pester me one time too much and I'll end up losing my temper with him!!!!!
This guy from work (I work in an office), he's only 19 but seems to have latched onto me. We're the two youngest, although I am in my mid twenties so a fair bit older. I am a sociable, friendly person so was happy to chat to him regularly in the office (we're in different rooms) and even by email. I let him add me on facebook. I started getting signs of it not being a normal, casual work friendship when I started to feel uncomfortable around him. I'm certainly no prude but he could be quite vulgar and he doesn't even know me. He had a girlfriend at this point though so I didn't feel too threatened. He made some off colour comments that offended my liberal tendencies but I did put him straight, told him off haha, and I also put it down to his young age and the fact he's never left this small rural place (I've been to Uni, lived in London after uni etc).
Anyway... he messages me all the time, work, FB messenger, and will use any excuse to try and tie to work so I have to respond as I'm higher up than him and I've been here longer. He doesn't do it as much at the mo as I've been ignoring his messages. He sent me a message the other night which I didn't read until two days later (I muted him so didn't get the notification) to say his girlfriend had dumped him and would work mind if he had a day off etc. I felt bad for him as I think he's a nice lad but I also was a bit frustrated that he was still trying to get my attention and it felt a bit like a neon sign saying I'M SINGLE NOW!!! Why can't he tell his friends who he has known for much longer, his good friends? I'm starting to think he doesn't have any...
I said I was sorry to hear it as I don't want to be heartless and ignore him but I felt like it was just his way of trying to get me to talk to him. I am, thankfully, leaving very shortly anyway so won't see him but he's started asking me what I want for a leaving present. He's boasted in the past to me about how much money he spends. I'm not materialistic, in fact I'm a bit scabby, I have no idea why he thinks it's impressive but perhaps it's because of his age. I'm clearly not that kind of girl anyway, I wear Converse to work and most of my clothes are recycled! He keeps telling me what he's thinking of buying for me but I told him not to bother and he insisted he will buy me gifts.
Just... I can't understand why he can't just be normal, I have plenty of colleagues I am friendly with, but none of them bombard me. He has calmed down since I've been ignoring him but things like the message about his girlfriend indicate to me that he's still not given up hope.
Yeah, I'm leaving, so I can just see it out and say nothing but I'm worried he'll pester me one time too much and I'll end up losing my temper with him!!!!!
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It might be easier to tell him that you didn't consider it while he was with someone and you still don't consider it now, the fact that you are in a higher position at work means you can also ask for him to leave it to a professional level as you don't want your work to be effected by him.
If he stops then you should report him for harassing you depending on what level he keeps following you if you confront him about it.
Stay strong to your belief as breaking what you feel now will give someone a chance to manipulate you.
If he stops then you should report him for harassing you depending on what level he keeps following you if you confront him about it.
Stay strong to your belief as breaking what you feel now will give someone a chance to manipulate you.
Original post by Arkarian
It might be easier to tell him that you didn't consider it while he was with someone and you still don't consider it now, the fact that you are in a higher position at work means you can also ask for him to leave it to a professional level as you don't want your work to be effected by him.
If he stops then you should report him for harassing you depending on what level he keeps following you if you confront him about it.
Stay strong to your belief as breaking what you feel now will give someone a chance to manipulate you.
If he stops then you should report him for harassing you depending on what level he keeps following you if you confront him about it.
Stay strong to your belief as breaking what you feel now will give someone a chance to manipulate you.
He hasn't explicitly made his intention clear but I can sense things quite well. I think the fact he messaged me straight away after splitting up with a long term partner to let me know and vaguely link it to a work related questions shows me he either a) has absolutely no friends, which is quite worrying, or b) he does have romantic~ intentions towards me. Both make me feel uncomfortable.
If he did explicitly state the obvious, I would take your advice, thank you. I would be honest and firm with him due to work and also because I think if I was a weaker person, I might be intimidated by the force of his persistence.
Thanks !
Original post by Anonymous
He hasn't explicitly made his intention clear but I can sense things quite well. I think the fact he messaged me straight away after splitting up with a long term partner to let me know and vaguely link it to a work related questions shows me he either a) has absolutely no friends, which is quite worrying, or b) he does have romantic~ intentions towards me. Both make me feel uncomfortable.
If he did explicitly state the obvious, I would take your advice, thank you. I would be honest and firm with him due to work and also because I think if I was a weaker person, I might be intimidated by the force of his persistence.
Thanks !
If he did explicitly state the obvious, I would take your advice, thank you. I would be honest and firm with him due to work and also because I think if I was a weaker person, I might be intimidated by the force of his persistence.
Thanks !
Give him a few years and a few good slaps and he might stop doing the routine XD
But if it makes you feel uncomfortable at his suggestions then it is defined either as harassing or stalking.
All in all you should deal with it somehow otherwise it might get too much for you, people here like me are always around if you need to PM and have a chat. And don't worry I don't judge people. (If I did I would have judged myself so much by now)
Original post by Arkarian
Give him a few years and a few good slaps and he might stop doing the routine XD
But if it makes you feel uncomfortable at his suggestions then it is defined either as harassing or stalking.
All in all you should deal with it somehow otherwise it might get too much for you, people here like me are always around if you need to PM and have a chat. And don't worry I don't judge people. (If I did I would have judged myself so much by now)
But if it makes you feel uncomfortable at his suggestions then it is defined either as harassing or stalking.
All in all you should deal with it somehow otherwise it might get too much for you, people here like me are always around if you need to PM and have a chat. And don't worry I don't judge people. (If I did I would have judged myself so much by now)
Ha! Thanks
Original post by PrincePaul255555
Just bang im
I'd rather not
Original post by Anonymous
Ha! Thanks
(Plus I'm a loner and need people to PM me because I have no friends ;-
So yeah... Hi.
Original post by ALevelBro
Yep, this guy just wants to get laid, tell him he's a loser and has no chance with you, that'll sort him out quick.
Ha, cheers. If he made it explicit and asked me out, I would have to be straight.
He has asked me out for after work drinks before, with others, and also hinted a few times at being out drinking but not explicitly asked me to join... but y'know when someone is hinting.
Original post by Anonymous
has absolutely no friends, which is quite worrying
Goodness knows why he likes you, you don't sound pleasant at all.
Original post by Anonymous
I've been ignoring his messages. He sent me a message the other night which I didn't read until two days later (I muted him so didn't get the notification)Why can't he tell his friends who he has known for much longer, his good friends? I'm starting to think he doesn't have any.
Original post by Anonymous
As above.The solution is quite obvious. You tell him that you aren't interested in him romantically, and do so in a kind way, instead of being passive aggressive like a 14-year-old Mean Girl. You say he's younger than you but you are obviously extremely immature yourself.
Lol, like I care what some anon poster on a forum thinks about me! Bore off
Original post by Anonymous
Goodness knows why he likes you, you don't sound pleasant at all.
And you bothered to replied to my thread because.....?
Original post by Anonymous
There was no question contained in your thread - we're free to respond in any way we see fit. I thought it might be helpful to give you a verbal slap to bring you back down to earth so that you might realise that your post makes you come across as a cliquey and passive aggressive schoolgirl, not a mature, working woman.
We're all 'anon' to you here, and you wouldn't have posted this lengthy dribble if you didn't care about the opinions of strangers.
We're all 'anon' to you here, and you wouldn't have posted this lengthy dribble if you didn't care about the opinions of strangers.
Wow you're a sad angry person. I don't care for your pathetic attempt to 'bring me down'. Bye.
Original post by Anonymous
There was no question contained in your thread - we're free to respond in any way we see fit. I thought it might be helpful to give you a verbal slap to bring you back down to earth so that you might realise that your post makes you come across as a cliquey and passive aggressive schoolgirl, not a mature, working woman.
We're all 'anon' to you here, and you wouldn't have posted this lengthy dribble if you didn't care about the opinions of strangers.
We're all 'anon' to you here, and you wouldn't have posted this lengthy dribble if you didn't care about the opinions of strangers.
P.S. - I was just asking for advice on how to deal with this guy. If you read my original post, I say he is a nice person, but he is way too over the top with me, and I want to handle it sensitively. I don't appreciate you calling me names and insulting me personally. I'm just trying to deal with this in the best way without hurting anyone, hence why I posted on here.
Original post by Anonymous
you wouldn't have posted this lengthy dribble if you didn't care about the opinions of strangers.
You read my 'lengthy dribble'...
I do care about other's opinions but not of me personally. Calling me names like immature, school girl, unpleasant... you just know about one situation I am experiencing right now, which is why I posted this in the first place. So, no, I don't care about the opinion of someone who insults me personally on the internet. I didn't ask for an opinion about me, I asked for advice on my situation. 
Do you like him OP?
Spoiler
Original post by Advanced Subsidiary
Do you like him OP?
Spoiler
I don't think he is a nasty person. I don't like him though. Not even just romantically, I wouldn't want to go on a platonic friend date with him, or join him for a drink, even as friends. I think he has got the wrong message. I am very social and friendly around the office and have a lot of colleagues I get on with, chat to, even flirt with as I am a naturally very flirty person however I've never had this issue.
Original post by Anonymous
Wow you're a sad angry person. I don't care for your pathetic attempt to 'bring me down'. Bye.
I'm responding as I see most constructive. You just don't like what I'm saying.
Original post by Anonymous
P.S. - I was just asking for advice on how to deal with this guy. If you read my original post, I say he is a nice person, but he is way too over the top with me, and I want to handle it sensitively. I don't appreciate you calling me names and insulting me personally. I'm just trying to deal with this in the best way without hurting anyone, hence why I posted on here.
You didn't speifically ask for advice about anything, so it's obviously not reasonable to chide me for posting in a way that you didn't like. If you were offended by what I said and consider them 'names and insults' then I further advise you to develop a skin.
Original post by Anonymous
You read my 'lengthy dribble'... I do care about other's opinions but not of me personally. Calling me names like immature, school girl, unpleasant... you just know about one situation I am experiencing right now, which is why I posted this in the first place. So, no, I don't care about the opinion of someone who insults me personally on the internet. I didn't ask for an opinion about me, I asked for advice on my situation.
I do care about other's opinions but not of me personally. Calling me names like immature, school girl, unpleasant... you just know about one situation I am experiencing right now, which is why I posted this in the first place. So, no, I don't care about the opinion of someone who insults me personally on the internet. I didn't ask for an opinion about me, I asked for advice on my situation. You didn't ask for advice about anything - read your post. I didn't call you any names, I described your behaviour and I did so fairly. As above, you just don't like what you're hearing.
This thread is painful to read because I was in the exact situation 6 months ago, I met a girl at work who was about 3 years older than and I also made her uncomfortable with out realising until she reported me to HR and they told me leave her alone.... I was worried this thread was about me but im not 19 thanks god and I never did email her or facebook her.
It absolutely destroyed me when she reported me to HR because I was new in the city and only spoke to like 3 people in the entire city who were my age. She reported me because I asked her if I could talk to her after work and I dont think she remembered saying yes but she got scared when I tried to and thought I was gonna follow her home
My advice to you is to send him a polite message on facebook. Saying you value his company at work but you dont want to give him the wrong impression and want to make it clear dating is out of the question and you dont socialise with people from work. Your happy to stay in touch and help him out if he has any problems but only as a work colleague and dont mistake your kidness for anything else
It absolutely destroyed me when she reported me to HR because I was new in the city and only spoke to like 3 people in the entire city who were my age. She reported me because I asked her if I could talk to her after work and I dont think she remembered saying yes but she got scared when I tried to and thought I was gonna follow her home
My advice to you is to send him a polite message on facebook. Saying you value his company at work but you dont want to give him the wrong impression and want to make it clear dating is out of the question and you dont socialise with people from work. Your happy to stay in touch and help him out if he has any problems but only as a work colleague and dont mistake your kidness for anything else
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