My guy friend is obsessed with me and it makes me feel sick (NSFW)

No immediate advice, but could I just say how well you've dealt with this so far. He's obsessive and emotionally immature but you've been clear with him throughout and his dreadful behaviour is entirely his doing.

How long have you got left on your lease?

Men aren't your platonic friends, unless they're gay. So many young women don't know how men think or function. Don't interact with this guy anymore, and don't even live with him again, it's a toxic environment, he's not going to get over you if he sees you everyday, he sounds like a guy who never had a girlfriend or a lot of female interaction and has just gotten star struck with you and has no idea how to deal with it or to let it go, and you hurt him when you rejected him, which is why now he's stuck in this place where he insults and demeans you but still is obsessed with you. He doesn't know how to navigate this. He sort of sounds like a loser honestly.

For the future, when a guy wants something romantic with you and you don't, then you cut contact with him, you don't just expect he'll magically have zero attraction to you now just because you said no to him, and still hang out with him and all that. Guys that are experienced will already not interact with a woman they have their eyes on if she rejects them, but he's clearly not experienced at all.

(This is a long one but I rlly need help so please read)

At the beginning of my first year of university, I had no friends but I had a freshers wristband, so I was looking for people that also had them. I met this guy at a freshers event I went to alone, I’ll call him A. We both had wristbands and lived in the same accom so we decided to walk home together and go to the freshers events together. We had a fun time at the events but there was no flirting or any kind of indication from me that I viewed him in any way other that a friend. Anyways we continued to hang out and then flash forward a little bit, he ends up moving into my flat in halls because he has become good friends with the people in my flat (we became a friend group).
I started to wonder if he liked me only because we could sometimes go out to eat and he’d always order loads and then insist on paying, and he also would touch my back or take my hand when we were at the club. There was no other indication of attraction. I’m also a curvier girl so I have a hard time believing people are attracted to me. I confided in one of my girlfriends (I’ll call her K) and she told me she didn’t think he had any king of feelings for me so I stopped thinking about it.

In the Christmas Holidays we all went on to his hometown and stayed at his house for a few days. One night we were watching Titanic and we were both sat on the sofa with our friends surrounding us, engrossed in the movie. When suddenly, A starts typing in his notes the words “Can I hold”. I already had an inkling that he liked me so i was praying that what I was imagining wasn’t about to happen. But sure enough he turns the phone towards me and it reads “Can I hold your hand”. The sinking feeling I got at that moment I can never forget. Luckily I was able to brush it off as it was the part of the movie where the boat was sinking so i just jokingly asked him if he was scared and then moved on. The whole night I was sat in bed taking to K about what had happened, and being so angry that he had done that when I had given no indication that I felt that way for him. I felt that he had just ruined the whole holiday as well as the friendship group.

The next day K fell sick and had to stay at the house, but me A and another guy decided to go on a hike up to a waterfall. It was so awkward and I was so angry and uncomfortable the whole time that I could barely enjoy it. I basically ignored him for the rest of the trip. I liked him as a friend but the idea of being physically intimate with him makes me feel repulsed. After that we all went to our own homes to celebrate Christmas with our families. But when I came back to uni, it was even worse. I assumed that he got the hint after my reaction but apparently not.

One night our group was in his room watching a movie, when suddenly everyone apart from A left to go to the bathroom or get a snack or whatever. I felt awkward but I just sat quietly hoping nothing would happen until the others got back. As soon as we were alone, he started trying to convince me to go on a date with him and telling me i’m so cute and beautiful and he liked my face in a really creepy way and it made me extremely uncomfortable. I decided to leave and spoke to my other friends about what had happened. They convinced me that I should sit him down and formally reject him so that’s exactly what I did. I asked him to come to the kitchen and i told him exactly how I felt. He told me a lot of things, like how when I brought a guy back to my room one time, he cried himself to sleep. But at the end of the conversation he told me he understood but that he couldn’t help his feelings and I said that I want him to move on because there is absolutely 0 chance we will be together.

After that things seemed to go back to normal for a while, but eventually he started being a bit creepy again and constantly calling me baby names and staring at my face for uncomfortably long periods of time. I had several talks with him throughout the rest of the year in which I reiterated my complete lack of interest in him. Eventually he just stopped being in any way nice to me and was honestly pretty mean. I confronted him about it and he said he’s trying to get over me and if he’s nice to me he can’t do that… he even made a joke about my weight at one point which really upset me. I told him he can’t just treat me like **** because he’s trying to get over me. Why do I deserve that? I told him if he can’t be nice to me then he should just say that and we won’t talk to each other, rather than him just being mean to me? Anyways on the last day of my 1st year, the night before I was moving out, he came to my room and asked me for a hug to say goodbye. Honestly I don’t like to touch him cus it grosses me out but I obliged because I felt bad.

During the summer my friends told me that hopefully 3 months will be enough time to get over me and that by August it will all be a distant memory. I thought so too seeing as I had rejected him in December. I was wrong. Come August and we all move into our 2nd year house (I decided to live with him for 2nd year before all of this happened). A is acting just as flirty as he was before, helping me unpack my room, making me a special tea on the first night because I was sick, putting his arm behind me on the sofa. He even started doing sexual things that made me extremely extremely uncomfortable. For example, we don’t have a tumble dryer so we have to hang our clothes up to dry. One day I was sat in the living room, and I guess he had collected the clean laundry from outside, when he comes into the living room with my bra in his hand and started swinging it around and said “This is your bra yeah?” in a creepy way. All I could say at the time was “what are you doing?” but I should have said “Stop that right now that made me really uncomfortable.”

I decided to go back home for a while because Uni didn’t start until October. But when I came back, it’s like there had been a switch. Most of the time he ignored me, and the other times he was being rude, mumbling, not even looking at me and giving me 1 word answers. Now I honestly didn’t think it was that weird as he was always awful at communicating and liked to say 1 word to imply a whole sentence. But then he also started being like that towards K and stopped cleaning up after himself, left food out and unrefrigerated for days and left all the lights on when he went to work early in mornings when everyone else was still sleep(he even left the tap running once). He also refused to lock the front door when he went to work even though we told him it made us feel unsafe as we live in a really sketchy area (literally next to a drug house). He would just reply “it’s fine, no one’s going to brake in”.

My last straw was one night when me and him were just chilling in the living room, no problems and I decided to make some food. I couldn’t find the salt so I asked him if he knew where it was because I knew he was the last person to use it. All he said is that he didn’t know so I continued to look for it. After a while of not being able to find it I asked him if he’s sure he doesn’t know where it is, when he proceeded to swear at me saying “I don’t ******* know” in an annoyed voice. This ****ed me off so I said “well then can you please help me find it!?”. He continued to play on his Xbox, didn’t even look at me and said “I can’t be bothered” In the most rude tone I have ever heard in my life. He literally said it in a way that said “I couldn’t give a single **** about you *****”. I was honestly in disbelief. I was going through a tough time at the point so when I got to my room I ended up crying. I know it sound silly that an altercation about salt would push me over the edge, but it’s not what it was about, it’s the way he said it. Sure he’s ****ed me off before because he can’t communicate or he says something stupid, but he had never been purposefully rude or mean towards me before. (He never even said sorry even though he knew he was being horrible.) A couple months ago he was telling me how much he cared about me and how he just wants to be around me, to this. After everything he already put me through and how hard I had tried to be a friend to him and understand him the whole time, I did not deserve this treatment from him.

Me & K decided to start completely ignoring him. Both for our own reasons. K mostly because he likes to belittle us and tell us how much more mature he is than us, how we know nothing about the world, and how we need to listen to him. He recently told K off for “cutting an apple the wrong way” and he asked me if I knew how to use a washing machine!?!?! Like excuse me? I’m an extremely capable and independent person as well as very strong minded and he knows that, so when he treats me and K like this, it’s so unbelievably disrespectful. We don’t need his ******* help. If anyone’s immature it’s 100% him. He also made inappropriate comments to K telling her she has a nice ass (her boyfriend is his best friend!?!? is he insane?) Anyways yes, me and K were ignoring A up until last weekend. Even when he tried to have a conversation with me I didn’t even look at him and just carried on doing my thing. Eventually he got it and started ignoring us too. He even unfollowed us and removed us from following him on instagram (how petty can you get).

After 2 weeks of completely ignoring A, it all went down one Saturday night. I’m broke right now, barely being able to buy enough food on this student money, and I had bought a block of butter to use for the next week. When I went into the kitchen I saw that he had used pretty much the entire block to cook whatever he was cooking. I didn’t have a go at him, I just calmly asked him if he would replace the butter he had used as I didn’t have the money to get another one. He proceeded to explode and start screaming at me. Clearly he was extremely angry at me. Everyone immediately took to my side and told him to stop shouting which I am so grateful for. Me and K went upstairs to recuperate as we both get extremely anxious when hearing men shout. We decided that as he had started the argument, we may as well finish it and say everything we have been feeling as it was bound to come out at some point. We sat down with him and argued properly telling him how awful he’s been and how upset he’s making us. His response was basically that he didn’t understand what we meant and that he doesn’t think he has been rude at all. I tried to explain more thoroughly and he eventually ended up apologising but I really don’t know how sincere he was being. After K left I decided to ask him if he still had feelings for me. Me and K had believed that he had finally gotten over me, especially because how how mean and uncaring he was acting towards me (there’s a lot of incidents I haven’t written about here). But lo and behold he told me he still likes me. In his words “You’re like my drug, you’re bad for me but I can’t get enough. I can’t stop thinking about you.” Yeah… I don’t even know what to say about that. It sounds like something from a cheesy song lyric. How can someone supposedly like me but treat me like ****? Both me and K don’t rlly believe he likes me but more is just obsessed with me. I mean, even in this conversation he told me he doesn’t like my opinions, what I say or what I do. I was like ? so you don’t like me you just like the idea of me? or you just like it when I don’t speak? He doesn’t like me as a person but he’s in love with me? Wtf does that even mean. He told me he wants me to change, he wants me to be more “proactive” whatever the hell that means. He wishes I had more friends, even though I’ve never once complained about not having enough!? And he also wishes I would stop saying no to everything he suggests. What am I supposed to do, just agree with him even though I don’t just to make him happy lmao? It’s like he thinks he has the right to even request that from me, he’s not a family member or something, he’s literally some guy I met last year. He also keeps telling me that I owe him so much cus he’s done loads of things for me?

I know all of these things are huge red flag. He’s not a threatening guy or anything, for an image: he’s a short chubby thai guy with glasses and he doesn’t scare me at all, but he does make me feel uncomfortable sometimes. I don’t know what to do at this point. K isn’t talking to him anymore. I loved it when we were all friends, we had some great times, it’s sad that this has happened. I’ve decided to be civil with him and just say hello and stuff but I don’t think i’ll be hanging out with him again. I can’t move out or kick him out because of money and the house lease.

Right now the worst thing for me is the thought of me constantly being in his mind. It makes me feel sick. I have no control over what I do in his mind, he can make me do anything, make me naked and god knows what. It disgusts me. It makes me feel trapped, like I have no privacy. Like i have no autonomy, like i’m just an object for his satisfaction and he can do whatever he wants to me in his head. I know it’s better than him actually trying to do something to me irl (which i don’t believe he would do) but it still makes me feel disgusted.

If anyone has any opinion on this (whether it’s advice or not) I’d be interested to know, so please reply if you managed to read this all. Thank you.

I got advice for you, run away from him as far as possible this guy sounds like the sort who would rape a girl