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Met a guy, chickened out and regretting it

Looking for some advice TSR.

Around end of January, early February this year I met a guy via online dating. I'd ended my previous long term relationship a month prior to meeting him. We went out 3 times, it was great and he's a really nice guy. We had a lot in common, conversation was easy and we got on really well.

On the third date he started speaking about how he's been telling his parents and work colleagues about me, and I have to admit I freaked out a little about this. I felt like it was moving way too quickly for me and I made an excuse about not seeing it work out etc. and we stopped seeing each other and talking. In hindsight I was obviously not ready for a new relationship so soon after the previous one ended, who was also my first love which made it a lot harder to get over. I felt awful about it but knew I had to sort myself out because it wasn't fair on him .

Since then I cut off all contact with my ex for months. We're back in touch but don't talk much and I feel ready to move on. I'm not desperate for a new relationship but I would be open to one if it happened.

I feel really awful about how I treated the guy I met and bailed on. It kinda feels like we just met at the wrong time and if I wasn't so stupid looking for something that soon after a failed relationship, then something couldve happened . I've thought about it quite a bit since it happened and I've always convinced myself out of not getting back in touch with him to explain what really happened.

I'm considering sending him a message apologising for what happened before, and explaining that it was my fault and nothing to do with him. Do you think this is a stupid idea? It would make me feel a lot better knowing that he knows why I ran away so quickly like I did, and I'd be open to maybe seeing if anything could develop now, if he was interested also and wasn't seeing anybody else. What do you think his reaction would be?

Thanks <3

Reply 1

kka25

Original post by Anonymous

I'm considering sending him a message apologising for what happened before, and explaining that it was my fault and nothing to do with him. Do you think this is a stupid idea? It would make me feel a lot better knowing that he knows why I ran away so quickly like I did, and I'd be open to maybe seeing if anything could develop now, if he was interested also and wasn't seeing anybody else. What do you think his reaction would be?

Thanks <3

If he's mature and sensible, then yes.

When was the last time you contacted him OP?

Reply 2

Darien91

I say go for it. From what you've said he seemed to be quite interested in you and I'm sure he'd like to hear that you felt the same way it just wasn't the right time

and at the end of the day if it makes you feel better messaging him and explaining so it's not hanging over your head, then give it a shot. look out for #1

Reply 3

tengentoppa

If it will make you feel better then go for it. At least you'll get some closure. I don't know if the guy would be open to going out with you again but I don't see how an apology and an explanation could be a bad thing.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by kka25

If he's mature and sensible, then yes.

When was the last time you contacted him OP?

Last time wouldve been Marchish, that's why I'm wondering if too much time has past. :s

Reply 5

TorpidPhil

Original post by Anonymous

Last time wouldve been Marchish, that's why I'm wondering if too much time has past. :s

Well it is ages hehe, but you never know! Like other posters have been saying... An explanation+apology doesn't hurt at all. The closure may actually help you even if he isn't interested and perhaps he will be? I don't see why you shouldn't tbh, he's clearly on your mind; to contact him isn't even a risk since he's not like a IRL friend or anything. If you don't contact him you'll never ever see/speak to him again. So just contact him. You really have nothing to lose even if he's married by now XD

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Thanks for the replies guys, I guess I don't have anything to lose by giving it a go. Even if he's not interested I guess it'll just be a life lesson learned. I'll contact him tonight and post here what happens. :P

Reply 7

TorpidPhil

Original post by Anonymous

Don't expect too much. It would be quite likely he won't even respond. But if that does happen, well, he will have read it I assure you and you will probably have made him feel a bit better and yourself anyway.

But yeah, good luck :smile: