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My parents are never satisfied with me

When I got 9A*'s for GCSE, they were angry about my 1A.

When I got over 90ums in all my AS subjects and got an A* in one of my A2s (I took the exams early), they were angry that I didn't revise harder and get over 95ums for all my subjects.

When I was telling them about wanting to apply for a different subject than Economics, they wouldn't let me because apparently bankers don't hire non-econ grads (they don't even work in the finance sector and yet they think they know more than me who has actually gone to loads of these banking work experiences etc!). So this year, I got rejected from Cambridge which they were obviously mad at me about because maybe if I picked an 'easier' college to get into or if I got higher UMS or if I did 5 a levels, I would have got in. Well I'm doing 4 A2s, which is already above average, but they seems obsessed with the fact that I got rejected because I'm not doing 5.

And then the other day, I found out that a family friend of ours got into Oxford for a language and they were telling me that I should have applied for a language because it's easier to get into and banks only higher from Oxbridge graduates. DESPITE the fact that I don't do a language, and the fact that they just said a year ago that I'm not allowed to apply for anything else apart from econ or else I won't get hired from a bank. They are obsessed with the idea of me becoming an investment banker and making loads of money and using that money to buy them a house or just giving them my money.

I don't know what to do with them! They're always mad at me and nitpicking at me for everything! They tell me that I'm not good at anything, that I don't have any friends etc. and it brings me down. I have firmed a place at UCL which I'm excited about but they ALWAYS bring me down saying that it's not Oxford/Cambridge so it's bad etc. But the thing is, econ is very competitive! I'm just getting so frustrated with them and I don't care about my A2 exams. I haven't really been revising (despite the fact that my exams are literally in a week away) because I know that they will never be satisfied and will still be disappointed in me anyway because even if I do well in my exams, I still 'only got into UCL and not Cambridge'. I want to do well in my exams and know I need to to get into UCL and get a job, but I just feel like giving up. Please can someone just reply to me. I feel so alone... (I don't have any siblings and whilst I do have a group of friends, I'm not particularly close to any of them and don't really trust them to tell all this stuff to - hence I'm posting here anonymously. Lol I think I don't trust anyone because my parents always tell me not to tell anyone my secrets or anything personal or else everyone will find out sooner or later and they will look down/make fun of me...)

Long rant, I know, but I just need a place to get my feelings out :frown: Any help?

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Original post by Anonymous
When I got 9A*'s for GCSE, they were angry about my 1A.

When I got over 90ums in all my AS subjects and got an A* in one of my A2s (I took the exams early), they were angry that I didn't revise harder and get over 95ums for all my subjects.

When I was telling them about wanting to apply for a different subject than Economics, they wouldn't let me because apparently bankers don't hire non-econ grads (they don't even work in the finance sector and yet they think they know more than me who has actually gone to loads of these banking work experiences etc!). So this year, I got rejected from Cambridge which they were obviously mad at me about because maybe if I picked an 'easier' college to get into or if I got higher UMS or if I did 5 a levels, I would have got in. Well I'm doing 4 A2s, which is already above average, but they seems obsessed with the fact that I got rejected because I'm not doing 5.

And then the other day, I found out that a family friend of ours got into Oxford for a language and they were telling me that I should have applied for a language because it's easier to get into and banks only higher from Oxbridge graduates. DESPITE the fact that I don't do a language, and the fact that they just said a year ago that I'm not allowed to apply for anything else apart from econ or else I won't get hired from a bank. They are obsessed with the idea of me becoming an investment banker and making loads of money and using that money to buy them a house or just giving them my money.

I don't know what to do with them! They're always mad at me and nitpicking at me for everything! They tell me that I'm not good at anything, that I don't have any friends etc. and it brings me down. I have firmed a place at UCL which I'm excited about but they ALWAYS bring me down saying that it's not Oxford/Cambridge so it's bad etc. But the thing is, econ is very competitive! I'm just getting so frustrated with them and I don't care about my A2 exams. I haven't really been revising (despite the fact that my exams are literally in a week away) because I know that they will never be satisfied and will still be disappointed in me anyway because even if I do well in my exams, I still 'only got into UCL and not Cambridge'. I want to do well in my exams and know I need to to get into UCL and get a job, but I just feel like giving up. Please can someone just reply to me. I feel so alone... (I don't have any siblings and whilst I do have a group of friends, I'm not particularly close to any of them and don't really trust them to tell all this stuff to - hence I'm posting here anonymously. Lol I think I don't trust anyone because my parents always tell me not to tell anyone my secrets or anything personal or else everyone will find out sooner or later and they will look down/make fun of me...)

Long rant, I know, but I just need a place to get my feelings out :frown: Any help?

They're fools

You did better than me, way better than me and my parents didn't rek me hard.

seriously don't stress about it, ignore it and you can only do your best.
How dare they choose your future?

I think that you must try to tell them what you really want to do with your life, as being an investment banker for the rest of your life when you don't want to be one is literally torture.

My opinion is that you choose whatever course you want, study hard for that course(wider reading), and make sure that those grades count by going to a high Uni.
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
When I got 9A*'s for GCSE, they were angry about my 1A.

When I got over 90ums in all my AS subjects and got an A* in one of my A2s (I took the exams early), they were angry that I didn't revise harder and get over 95ums for all my subjects.

When I was telling them about wanting to apply for a different subject than Economics, they wouldn't let me because apparently bankers don't hire non-econ grads (they don't even work in the finance sector and yet they think they know more than me who has actually gone to loads of these banking work experiences etc!). So this year, I got rejected from Cambridge which they were obviously mad at me about because maybe if I picked an 'easier' college to get into or if I got higher UMS or if I did 5 a levels, I would have got in. Well I'm doing 4 A2s, which is already above average, but they seems obsessed with the fact that I got rejected because I'm not doing 5.

And then the other day, I found out that a family friend of ours got into Oxford for a language and they were telling me that I should have applied for a language because it's easier to get into and banks only higher from Oxbridge graduates. DESPITE the fact that I don't do a language, and the fact that they just said a year ago that I'm not allowed to apply for anything else apart from econ or else I won't get hired from a bank. They are obsessed with the idea of me becoming an investment banker and making loads of money and using that money to buy them a house or just giving them my money.

I don't know what to do with them! They're always mad at me and nitpicking at me for everything! They tell me that I'm not good at anything, that I don't have any friends etc. and it brings me down. I have firmed a place at UCL which I'm excited about but they ALWAYS bring me down saying that it's not Oxford/Cambridge so it's bad etc. But the thing is, econ is very competitive! I'm just getting so frustrated with them and I don't care about my A2 exams. I haven't really been revising (despite the fact that my exams are literally in a week away) because I know that they will never be satisfied and will still be disappointed in me anyway because even if I do well in my exams, I still 'only got into UCL and not Cambridge'. I want to do well in my exams and know I need to to get into UCL and get a job, but I just feel like giving up. Please can someone just reply to me. I feel so alone... (I don't have any siblings and whilst I do have a group of friends, I'm not particularly close to any of them and don't really trust them to tell all this stuff to - hence I'm posting here anonymously. Lol I think I don't trust anyone because my parents always tell me not to tell anyone my secrets or anything personal or else everyone will find out sooner or later and they will look down/make fun of me...)

Long rant, I know, but I just need a place to get my feelings out :frown: Any help?


You do you! Don't let them control your future. In the end you need to be happy because theyre not gunna live long enough to rule over your life forever (no offence) tell them if they don't get off your case youll cut them off (you're extremely smart i'm sure you can bag a full scholarship and go off to uni)
Reply 4
Original post by Steelmeat
They're fools

You did better than me, way better than me and my parents didn't rek me hard.

seriously don't stress about it, ignore it and you can only do your best.


I'm trying hard to ignore it but when they're telling me how useless I am, I really cannot motivate myself to get up an revise :frown:


Original post by mghanduri
How dare they choose your future?

I think that you must try to tell them what you really want to do with your life, as being an investment banker for the rest of your life when you don't want to be one is literally torture.

My opinion is that you choose whatever course you want, study hard for that course(wider reading), and make sure that those grades count by going to a high Uni.


Honestly, I'm not really sure about what I want to do with my life. They have almost sucked all of my inspirations away. Nowadays, I don't hate the idea of becoming a banker, but what annoys me the most is that they want me to give all the money I make to them as a means of repayment for raising me. They're telling me that I have to give them the money that I earn and buy them a house when I'm older. When I try to say no, that I have to actually live and support myself too, they act totally offended saying that I'm ungrateful and how dare I not thank them for raising me and providing for me until now. I don't know how they expect me to make such a fortune when I graduate from university for me to keep on sending them money and buying them a house...

With studying economics, I don't hate it completely. I am looking forward to studying it at UCL. I've given up on the thought of studying something else (mainly because my parents have brainwashed me into thinking that I'm not good at anything else) and I don't want to go through the process of writing a different personal statement and reapplying again. Also due to the fact that they won't let me take a gap year - if I do decide to take a gap year and apply for something else, they won't let me live with them (so I won't have anywhere to live in my gap year). At this point, I'm more frustrated about the fact that they're still obsessed with my Cambridge rejection (which was in January!) and keep on telling me that UCL isn't good enough for them!. They get mad at me if someone else got into Oxbridge even though it's for a less competitive subject than econ, and then they tell me that I should have applied for something else/easier when that was what I was trying to tell them a year ago! Also, why is it my fault if someone else gets in?! They're just constantly angry at me and I've lost all motivation and I just don't care about A2 exams anymore :frown: I really need to revise but I just feel like a trash bag and I can't make myself do anything (which obviously makes them more mad at me)
Reply 5
Original post by Kaj97
You do you! Don't let them control your future. In the end you need to be happy because theyre not gunna live long enough to rule over your life forever (no offence) tell them if they don't get off your case youll cut them off (you're extremely smart i'm sure you can bag a full scholarship and go off to uni)


I have tried telling them that I will cut them off once I get to uni if they keep on acting like that, but my mum started crying and my parents were yelling at me saying how ungrateful I was and I was basically forced to apologise to them! I do actually quite like UCL (hey don't really offer any scholarships) but they think anywhere that's not Oxbridge isn't good enough which they constantly have remind me about.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm trying hard to ignore it but when they're telling me how useless I am, I really cannot motivate myself to get up an revise :frown:



They're the one's who are useless, they're so inept at doing anything they have to vent out their inability to do something useful with their life out on their children, that's how pathetic they are....
When applying to Oxbridge, you need to remember that if you don't mind doing a subject, you won't get it. They want people who are full-on obsessed with it. If you want to go to Oxbridge, then read a lot around the narrow merits of your course, because it will show your enthusiasm for the subject.
Gosh what rubbish parents. The person most important to satisfy is yourself. Plenty of advice on the banking threads about what unis and subjects you need. Dont worry, dont neglect your studies as they are your way out.
Original post by Anonymous
When I got 9A*'s for GCSE, they were angry about my 1A.

When I got over 90ums in all my AS subjects and got an A* in one of my A2s (I took the exams early), they were angry that I didn't revise harder and get over 95ums for all my subjects.

When I was telling them about wanting to apply for a different subject than Economics, they wouldn't let me because apparently bankers don't hire non-econ grads (they don't even work in the finance sector and yet they think they know more than me who has actually gone to loads of these banking work experiences etc!). So this year, I got rejected from Cambridge which they were obviously mad at me about because maybe if I picked an 'easier' college to get into or if I got higher UMS or if I did 5 a levels, I would have got in. Well I'm doing 4 A2s, which is already above average, but they seems obsessed with the fact that I got rejected because I'm not doing 5.

And then the other day, I found out that a family friend of ours got into Oxford for a language and they were telling me that I should have applied for a language because it's easier to get into and banks only higher from Oxbridge graduates. DESPITE the fact that I don't do a language, and the fact that they just said a year ago that I'm not allowed to apply for anything else apart from econ or else I won't get hired from a bank. They are obsessed with the idea of me becoming an investment banker and making loads of money and using that money to buy them a house or just giving them my money.

I don't know what to do with them! They're always mad at me and nitpicking at me for everything! They tell me that I'm not good at anything, that I don't have any friends etc. and it brings me down. I have firmed a place at UCL which I'm excited about but they ALWAYS bring me down saying that it's not Oxford/Cambridge so it's bad etc. But the thing is, econ is very competitive! I'm just getting so frustrated with them and I don't care about my A2 exams. I haven't really been revising (despite the fact that my exams are literally in a week away) because I know that they will never be satisfied and will still be disappointed in me anyway because even if I do well in my exams, I still 'only got into UCL and not Cambridge'. I want to do well in my exams and know I need to to get into UCL and get a job, but I just feel like giving up. Please can someone just reply to me. I feel so alone... (I don't have any siblings and whilst I do have a group of friends, I'm not particularly close to any of them and don't really trust them to tell all this stuff to - hence I'm posting here anonymously. Lol I think I don't trust anyone because my parents always tell me not to tell anyone my secrets or anything personal or else everyone will find out sooner or later and they will look down/make fun of me...)

Long rant, I know, but I just need a place to get my feelings out :frown: Any help?


Your parents are tw@ts
Okay wow.

Listen you're definitely not alone. Do a degree that you enjoy, whether it's Medicine, Art, Economics, Drama blah blah. Who cares? It's YOUR life. You shouldn't do a degree that your PARENTS want because it's YOU who's going to have to deal with having a horrible job everyday for your life. Wow, if I had your grades I would be pretty damn happy. Also, if you want to go into banking, then do so at your chosen university. Just because Cambridge is a top university doesn't mean you'll like it there. You might even hate it so everything happens for a reason as you might have a better time at UCL. You don't need to give a single dime to your parents if you don't want to. You're not a credit card for them to use. If you want to apply to a different course just do it.
They're fools
Honestly, do what makes YOU happy. They can't control your future. Just work hard and prove that you're not useless and that you will get far in life. Honestly the soon September comes the better for you to go to uni as you can get as far away as possible from them :smile:


Posted from TSR Mobile
You must be Asian. :colonhash:

Spoiler

Whatttt, don't listen to them. You're very smart, extremely smart, way above the average student. Cambridge and Oxford can simply be luck, right moment right timing sort of thing, I don't really understand why they think they have the justification to be like this to you? Did they go to Cambridge or Oxford and get 100% in everything or something? I mean, even if they did I'm confused as to why they're not supportive that UCL is still an amazing university and happy that you're happy and pursuing what you like. Soon you will be away from them if you do think about it though, get those A2's done and you're free! But, also I'd ask them why they expect so much of you? At the end of the day, we're all human, we make mistakes, but as long as you try your best honestly that's all that matters right?

Hope everything goes well for you and your parents be a little less judgemental, good luck!
First things first, you are doing well - well done!!! What you've achieved is amazing. I don't get why your parents have to criticise the little things... they will only stop once your earning good money tbh :tongue:

UCL isn't a bad uni, i don't understand the hype behind oxford and Cambridge, only looks good on paper - doesn't make you any different from a person whos studied the same degree elsewhere.. at the end of the day your degree classification counts, your hardwork and work experience which will land you your job - not how prestige the uni was etc. Not that university prestigeness doesn't matter but you know, there are other factors too that they are missing. Do what makes you happy and prove them wrong :redface:
dont give em a penny of your money in the future.
So annoying, stick up for yourself and stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are clearly doing well and got into a fantastic university.
You are incredibly gifted and it would be a waste to let your future be completely decided by your parents, especially where they're intentions are making you do something you aren't passionate about. You weren't born to get a degree your parents wanted only for them to repay you. It's not build a kid.

I'm probably exaggerating a lot, but don't let your parents dictate exactly what you want to do. Even if you're not sure right now. All the best.
Thanks everyone, you've all made me feel so much better! Glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks they're being ridiculous. I'm gonna try and ace those A2 exams for myself and stop listening to whatever anyone's saying to make me feel bad and prove to them wrong. I am not stupid. I am not a failure. I will get into UCL and do amazingly there :smile: Really, thank you.
Reply 19
Have you read Knee's The Accidental Investment Banker?
You sound like some variation of the "gifted banker", p.155, Chapter 10 "Drama of the gifted banker".

The book that Gore [Former USA Vice President] felt captured his own internal struggle was The Drama of the Gifted Child: TheSearch for the True Self by Swiss psychoanalyst Alice Miller. Gore not only began handing out copies to friends and colleagues, he asked job applicants if they had read it.
Miller’s book deals with the special problem of exceptionally gifted and sensitive people “who have been praised and admired for their talents and their achievements” from an early age but who are prone to “suddenly get the feeling they have failed to live up to some ideal image and measure they feel they must adhere to.”

The source of the problem, Miller argues, lies with parents who unconsciously use their gifted children to satisfy their own narcissistic needs. The children in turn are condemned to continually seek the parents’ love by piling on achievement after achievement while secretly harboring the fear that what the parent loves is the achievement rather than the child. Such children never develop their own sense of self,separate from their need to please, and can experience wild emotional swings. Once the euphoria of the latest achievement wears off, they are filled with the shame and emptiness that comes with being alienated from their own feelings and needs. And soon they are off conquering the next challenge in the vain hope of filling that void permanently.

As syndromes go, this one sounds like it could at least partly explain why waves of overachieving business school graduates and investment bankers would blindly pursue whatever career is publicly associated with success at the moment regardless of whether it holds any intrinsic interest for them.
(edited 7 years ago)

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