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cut off a friend and struggling to cope Watch

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    I've had strong feelings for a good friend who sadly didn't return them for more than 6 months. There were loads of things; not yet over his ex, long-distance etc. but ultimately he only saw me as a friend. However, he was very interested in sex with me and seemed to find me very attractive, but that only served to complicate the friendship and to hurt me. We talked virtually daily on facebook since January, with only a couple of exceptions, but I know that didn't help matters.

    I've deleted him from social media, and I know he's maybe going to be in town next month but seeing him won't help. Next month, he's going to be moving to the other side of the world for at least a year. I wrote him a kind message wishing him the best of luck, apologised for why I was doing this, said it wasn't againt him, but just to help me.

    I told him that in other circumstances he would have been one of my best friends, and that I'd still think of him from time to time and hoped our mutual friend would let me know how he was doing. I said I hoped he'd be happy and everything and that who knows, if he ever comes back to live here in the future, maybe we can see each other and be friends again. I said that I would have loved to stay friends, but I needed to move on, and I was struggling..

    I'm not even sure whether he's sad or not or whether he doesn't actually care. I'd have hoped he'd at least been a bit sad at losing our friendship, even if I know he doesn't share the feelings. He replied with 'I totally understand. No worries. Thanks Bye

    whereas he normally writes with more 'energy' and friendliness if that makes sense.

    The truth is that I've tried going on other dates, I've tried to tell myself over and over every bad point of him, my friends have told me he's not worth it, even he told me he's not worth it.

    I think knowing that he maybe wasn't even that sad at losing the friendship hurt me too. The truth is that I will never see him as 'just a friend', and if he came back and asked me out tomorrow, i'd say yes without hesitation. Any advice of how to move on more quickly? I miss him so much and I know i've done the right thing ,but it's so hard..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've had strong feelings for a good friend who sadly didn't return them for more than 6 months. There were loads of things; not yet over his ex, long-distance etc. but ultimately he only saw me as a friend. However, he was very interested in sex with me and seemed to find me very attractive, but that only served to complicate the friendship and to hurt me. We talked virtually daily on facebook since January, with only a couple of exceptions, but I know that didn't help matters.

    I've deleted him from social media, and I know he's maybe going to be in town next month but seeing him won't help. Next month, he's going to be moving to the other side of the world for at least a year. I wrote him a kind message wishing him the best of luck, apologised for why I was doing this, said it wasn't againt him, but just to help me.

    I told him that in other circumstances he would have been one of my best friends, and that I'd still think of him from time to time and hoped our mutual friend would let me know how he was doing. I said I hoped he'd be happy and everything and that who knows, if he ever comes back to live here in the future, maybe we can see each other and be friends again. I said that I would have loved to stay friends, but I needed to move on, and I was struggling..

    I'm not even sure whether he's sad or not or whether he doesn't actually care. I'd have hoped he'd at least been a bit sad at losing our friendship, even if I know he doesn't share the feelings. He replied with 'I totally understand. No worries. Thanks Bye

    whereas he normally writes with more 'energy' and friendliness if that makes sense.

    The truth is that I've tried going on other dates, I've tried to tell myself over and over every bad point of him, my friends have told me he's not worth it, even he told me he's not worth it.

    I think knowing that he maybe wasn't even that sad at losing the friendship hurt me too. The truth is that I will never see him as 'just a friend', and if he came back and asked me out tomorrow, i'd say yes without hesitation. Any advice of how to move on more quickly? I miss him so much and I know i've done the right thing ,but it's so hard..
    This happens a lot. And will happen again to you in one way or another. You will soon learn that time will heal. It might seem it will never happen, you will never get over him. But you will... time heals literally everything like this.
    People have gotten over a divorce after decades of marriage. So talking since January online is not a biggie. Go make your self a cuppa and look up funny and cute videos on youtube and PM me if you need to talk... I had to do something similar but it was someone who "loved" me back for years and we dated then she cheated and I had to cut her off... and I got over that. Just give it time!
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    (Original post by RichardSkew)
    This happens a lot. And will happen again to you in one way or another. You will soon learn that time will heal. It might seem it will never happen, you will never get over him. But you will... time heals literally everything like this.
    People have gotten over a divorce after decades of marriage. So talking since January online is not a biggie. Go make your self a cuppa and look up funny and cute videos on youtube and PM me if you need to talk... I had to do something similar but it was someone who "loved" me back for years and we dated then she cheated and I had to cut her off... and I got over that. Just give it time!
    Yeah, you're right Well I mean we used to see each other too, and we ended up sleeping together a couple of times, but he's moved away now so I haven't seen him since May. I wanted to go and visit him but he wouldn't let me, saying he 'didn't want me to get attached' as he was moving so far away.

    Thanks You're right, I can get over it! I will get there
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah, you're right Well I mean we used to see each other too, and we ended up sleeping together a couple of times, but he's moved away now so I haven't seen him since May. I wanted to go and visit him but he wouldn't let me, saying he 'didn't want me to get attached' as he was moving so far away.

    Thanks You're right, I can get over it! I will get there
    Yep this it. He doesn't want you to get attached so just move on. This time next year you won't believe how attached you were.

    Time alone does not heal, keep your contact to minimal so time can do its work.
    • #2
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    I have had this with a girl, she was perfect we had a great friendship and she was just beautiful. I was in love with her it was unbelievable the way I loved her, all I wanted to do was look after her and make her happy. Our friendship was great and one of her friends told me she had feelings for me, I was so happy but I didn't have the courage to ask her out. One day she said to me that she's moving schools, I asked when and she said that she leaves tomorrow. She never talk to me again even on the leaving day. I have never been so hurt she left to her new school and got a boyfriend and had loads of friends. I had no friends at school and I was just broken by it. I needed up turning my emotions off (literally, don't do it) I had them off for a year and got into so many verbal fights, all because of this one girl? Over time I returned to my self and loads of people noticed that I changed back and we're happy to see me again. Although now it's extremely hard to get into a relation ship with me I'm very independent and prefer to be with/work with myself, but in so happy now so happy. I would like a girlfriend but it will take years for feelings like that to ever develope again, but I like that. The girls best friend is going to the sixth form in going to and there is talk of her coming. To be honest I couldn't care less. She means nothing to me. I know this story probably did not help but I just saying I know how you feel, I would dream about her every night, I don't know how to explain it but I have developed a way of deleting people in my head. I know what your going through, as I guy I was way to emotional and so are you. One friend tells people that "if you can break through he's gray eyes he will care about you deeply" which is very true. I'm prepared for it to happen again, it won't affect me like it did.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by RichardSkew)
    Yep this it. He doesn't want you to get attached so just move on. This time next year you won't believe how attached you were.

    Time alone does not heal, keep your contact to minimal so time can do its work.
    yeah... I know that it's both because he's moving abroad, and because he doesn't want anything more.
    You'e right, I don't see another way. He wanted to talk a lot online ,but I've just had to cut him out of my life completely. It's such a shame, as he could have been a great friend as I said.. but it will get better, thanks
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    In a similar situation myself OP, if you wanna chat about it feel free to PM me... literally the worst feeling in the world I know. x
 
 
 
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