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3 and a 1/2 years into Uni and lonely Watch

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    Over the last few months, I have came to the realisation that I am quite lonely and I am afraid that this loneliness will characterise the rest of my life as it has done throughout my university career.

    My realisation formed during Halloween last year and has been eating away at me till the point that I needed to talk about it. During the holiday, like everyone does, I planned to go out and have a good night at the pub as every pub in the city (Glasgow) had a party. It wasn't until I went to the student pub that evening that I realised how alone I truly was. I attempted to ask some 'Friends' to come along which proved fruitless as they were all too busy with their business (I discovered that my only three friends whom I contacted had planned a party separately and actively kept me out the loop) and since I have no friends from other areas of my life (School/Work), I ended up drinking alone in the pub while 20 groups of friends had fun around me (I did try to open up conversation at the bar but I was repeatedly shut down). It's the worst feeling in the world when you're sitting miserable with a drink looking at your phone so you're not staring into the distance and creeping people out while everyone else is having a ball.

    My University is also not known to be the best place for starting relationships as Glasgow Caledonian has quite a poor social standing compared to other local universities. We don't have a union (the function of a union is outsourced to a local franchise) and the student services/representation department which run clubs, gear them towards social/business study students as they have more free time between classes. I have tried to include myself among them, but I couldn't enter the clique simply due to my hobbies not being similar and my field of study.

    Another major problem I have is that my social skills are quite poor with the opposite sex, partly due to being in a course (specialist engineering) that only has males (for the last 3 years) and my constant failure with women. I have attempted many times to get close to a women of my age (22) during other areas of my life but I have been rejected constantly with no success for the last 3 years. I have tried joining clubs and working for my university but I have found that everyone I ask out for a coffee or drink is either already taken (with a few making fun of me to that fact) or simply them saying they don't have anything in common with me. I have tried the usual advice; go to nightclubs (every girl I met in a club in my experience is there with their BF), go to do a hobby (not many ladies my age like philosophy, blues and the avant garde) and online dating (never got a single reply or like in a 3 month trial).

    Now as I am approaching the end of my university course, I am beginning to realise that this loneliness might be how my future will play out with no love life and no friends, this especially seems prudent when my possible occupations after uni are mostly quite unsocial and sadly quite devoid of female contact (there is no reason as to why I have encountered so few female engineers, it beggars belief ).

    I simply don't know what to do, I have been quite depressed for the last two months thinking about it, I get quite sad about my lack to relationship success and recently seeing happy couples has began to give me some self-loathing. I have had some really awful rejections in the past which now make me hesitant to even attempt something like that again and with no friends to talk to (or any personal interaction), I am quite lost.

    Apologies if this is really long, it has been building up for quite a while and I can't about my problems to anyone (who wants to depressed by what I have to say?).

    Any help?

    Kaithen
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    Have you been to see a councillor/therapist about this? Your uni should have one and it might be best to speak to them about it. May as well make the most of the service before you leave uni. It might be scary and you might have no idea what to say... but definitely worth it
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    (Original post by Moura)
    Have you been to see a councillor/therapist about this? Your uni should have one and it might be best to speak to them about it. May as well make the most of the service before you leave uni. It might be scary and you might have no idea what to say... but definitely worth it
    I applied for an appointment however at the last moment I decided to cancel it. The reason being that I have heard that the counselling staff forward concerns on to the academic staff to inform them of any problems which impact on the student's performance, the problem is I also work for the university in a few capacities and if they got a message from the counsellors that I was having these kind of social problems, I would likely get the sack.
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    (Original post by KCrowley)
    self-loathing
    I don't know that this is going to help with your local concerns, friendships and dating, but you surely write the best prose of any undergraduate engineer at your university. I see a lot of undergraduate writing in the humanities, oh much too much, and you write better than many of them too. I suppose as well that you are the only one having a developed interest in philosophy, blues and the avant garde, whatever that last one is. Perhaps better appreciating yourself might be a start, then, and in your case would have some sensible foundation.
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    (Original post by KCrowley)
    Now as I am approaching the end of my university course, I am beginning to realise that this loneliness might be how my future will play out with no love life and no friends.
    I am crying as i'm reading your post. I understand this classic anxiety/avoidant personality style - because i'm going through the same thing as you - However unlike you i have no friends in the uni, just annoying acquaintances who see me as a antisocial git.

    You have to accept it, You need to embrace the loneliness after university. I too i'm doing a four year course and i'm in Year 2 in uni. I talk to more girls than boys but i have never gotten to a relationship with any them. The closest girl I've had was a girl who ended up calling me 'antisocial' because i wouldn't join her society, since then i still have feelings for her but i hate her for insulating my social weakness in the ending of our friendship and it hurts that she ignores me when she sees me around the uni.

    But difference is i know i won't have a girlfriend or friends and i have to accept that. What i think you should do (and this is what i will do when i graduate in two years time), Leave this Brexit Britain and travel the world or get a job abroad and start a new life there. I think that's the only thing to say to you.

    Also you don't need counselling, because it's rubbish, i have studied psychology so i know this. Fight the pain and win the battle.
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    (Original post by KCrowley)
    Over the last few months, I have came to the realisation that I am quite lonely and I am afraid that this loneliness will characterise the rest of my life as it has done throughout my university career.

    My realisation formed during Halloween last year and has been eating away at me till the point that I needed to talk about it. During the holiday, like everyone does, I planned to go out and have a good night at the pub as every pub in the city (Glasgow) had a party. It wasn't until I went to the student pub that evening that I realised how alone I truly was. I attempted to ask some 'Friends' to come along which proved fruitless as they were all too busy with their business (I discovered that my only three friends whom I contacted had planned a party separately and actively kept me out the loop) and since I have no friends from other areas of my life (School/Work), I ended up drinking alone in the pub while 20 groups of friends had fun around me (I did try to open up conversation at the bar but I was repeatedly shut down). It's the worst feeling in the world when you're sitting miserable with a drink looking at your phone so you're not staring into the distance and creeping people out while everyone else is having a ball.

    My University is also not known to be the best place for starting relationships as Glasgow Caledonian has quite a poor social standing compared to other local universities. We don't have a union (the function of a union is outsourced to a local franchise) and the student services/representation department which run clubs, gear them towards social/business study students as they have more free time between classes. I have tried to include myself among them, but I couldn't enter the clique simply due to my hobbies not being similar and my field of study.

    Another major problem I have is that my social skills are quite poor with the opposite sex, partly due to being in a course (specialist engineering) that only has males (for the last 3 years) and my constant failure with women. I have attempted many times to get close to a women of my age (22) during other areas of my life but I have been rejected constantly with no success for the last 3 years. I have tried joining clubs and working for my university but I have found that everyone I ask out for a coffee or drink is either already taken (with a few making fun of me to that fact) or simply them saying they don't have anything in common with me. I have tried the usual advice; go to nightclubs (every girl I met in a club in my experience is there with their BF), go to do a hobby (not many ladies my age like philosophy, blues and the avant garde) and online dating (never got a single reply or like in a 3 month trial).

    Now as I am approaching the end of my university course, I am beginning to realise that this loneliness might be how my future will play out with no love life and no friends, this especially seems prudent when my possible occupations after uni are mostly quite unsocial and sadly quite devoid of female contact (there is no reason as to why I have encountered so few female engineers, it beggars belief ).

    I simply don't know what to do, I have been quite depressed for the last two months thinking about it, I get quite sad about my lack to relationship success and recently seeing happy couples has began to give me some self-loathing. I have had some really awful rejections in the past which now make me hesitant to even attempt something like that again and with no friends to talk to (or any personal interaction), I am quite lost.

    Apologies if this is really long, it has been building up for quite a while and I can't about my problems to anyone (who wants to depressed by what I have to say?).

    Any help?

    Kaithen

    Go to the thread called Too Ugly To Get A Girlfriend, Don't Know What To Do, Need Advice
    You will read lots of advice of someone who is in a similar situation in regards to getting a girlfriend. Maybe you could use that advise yourself or just by reading it you know your not the only one in that situation and you are not alone
    Sometimes people are right *******s and there's not a lot you can do about it unless you keep trying different things even if they seem weird or unusual
    Some people are luckier than others in finding good friends

    Type Citysocializer on google or www. Citysocializer . co .uk but you can ask if they have a similar company in your own area to meet friends or partner's
    • #1
    #1

    He doesn't have to embrace anything or have to leave the country and start a life abroad. You can't apply your situation to someone else's
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    (Original post by KCrowley)
    I applied for an appointment however at the last moment I decided to cancel it. The reason being that I have heard that the counselling staff forward concerns on to the academic staff to inform them of any problems which impact on the student's performance, the problem is I also work for the university in a few capacities and if they got a message from the counsellors that I was having these kind of social problems, I would likely get the sack.
    It's easy to think of every reason why you shouldn't do it, because it's scary and intimidating. It's a hard thing to go and get help. Honestly I think at this age if you are still feeling like this then counselling is the best route to go. They won't tell your academic staff, especially if you make sure at the beginning of the session that they won't... and even if they do then they don't have the right to sack you over going to speak to a therapist.
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    (Original post by Quiet Benin)
    I am crying as i'm reading your post. I understand this classic anxiety/avoidant personality style - because i'm going through the same thing as you - However unlike you i have no friends in the uni, just annoying acquaintances who see me as a antisocial git.

    You have to accept it, You need to embrace the loneliness after university. I too i'm doing a four year course and i'm in Year 2 in uni. I talk to more girls than boys but i have never gotten to a relationship with any them. The closest girl I've had was a girl who ended up calling me 'antisocial' because i wouldn't join her society, since then i still have feelings for her but i hate her for insulating my social weakness in the ending of our friendship and it hurts that she ignores me when she sees me around the uni.

    But difference is i know i won't have a girlfriend or friends and i have to accept that. What i think you should do (and this is what i will do when i graduate in two years time), Leave this Brexit Britain and travel the world or get a job abroad and start a new life there. I think that's the only thing to say to you.

    Also you don't need counselling, because it's rubbish, i have studied psychology so i know this. Fight the pain and win the battle.
    Please don't listen to this person, if you are unhappy with the way your life is headed you don't have to just "accept" it. Everyone can change and get over their issues. Counselling might help an wouldn't you rather try than commit yourself to a life of solitude?
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    I was about to write a similar post to this but I stumbled on yours first. I'm in a similar situation. I'm halfway through 3rd year at UWS in Paisley however, I'm on a direct entry course so I did my first 2 years as an HND at UHI in Inverness. There was nothing in the way of team building/getting to know each other at the start of third year so I don't really know anyone on the course and they don't know me. To be honest I've never had this problem before, I had a solid friend group in school and I made some great friends at college so I'm sort of stuck for where to start. Girls are just another thing on top of this, I had a fair amount of sex towards the end of high school and in my first year of college but I've not really clicked with any girls that I've met since I started at UWS. It does leave me worried about how this might affect my confidence in the future.

    Anyway, I'm close by man (10 minute train to Glasgow) so if you wanna head out to a pub or something and chat **** about blues and compare tragic Tinder profiles I'm keen.
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    You have a long life ahead of you. Don't give up. Try to stay positive. You're studying engineering, you must be intelligent. You have a bright future. I'm sure there is someone out there for you.

    You have to love yourself first before others can love you.
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    (Original post by Moura)
    Please don't listen to this person, if you are unhappy with the way your life is headed you don't have to just "accept" it. Everyone can change and get over their issues. Counselling might help an wouldn't you rather try than commit yourself to a life of solitude?
    In Psychology terms, someone who has a mental health condition does not improve through counselling, The change is through changing the environment. This may mean being a recluse for a while or leaving the country for a better life.

    And that's what i intend to do, my advice to OP is different than the usual 'seek help or see a therapist ****'. I'm suggesting he embrace his weakness and that there is another life he can explore to help his depression.

    You have no experience in this kind of behaviour. Sorry i may sound harsh but...
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    (Original post by Quiet Benin)
    In Psychology terms, someone who has a mental health condition does not improve through counselling, The change is through changing the environment. This may mean being a recluse for a while or leaving the country.

    And that's what i intend to do, my advice to OP is different than the usual 'seek help or see a therapist ****'. I'm suggesting he embrace his weakness and that is another life he can explore.

    You have no experience in this kind of behaviour. Sorry i may sound harsh but...
    simply not true.

    believe what you will.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by KCrowley)
    Over the last few months, I have came to the realisation that I am quite lonely and I am afraid that this loneliness will characterise the rest of my life as it has done throughout my university career.

    My realisation formed during Halloween last year and has been eating away at me till the point that I needed to talk about it. During the holiday, like everyone does, I planned to go out and have a good night at the pub as every pub in the city (Glasgow) had a party. It wasn't until I went to the student pub that evening that I realised how alone I truly was. I attempted to ask some 'Friends' to come along which proved fruitless as they were all too busy with their business (I discovered that my only three friends whom I contacted had planned a party separately and actively kept me out the loop) and since I have no friends from other areas of my life (School/Work), I ended up drinking alone in the pub while 20 groups of friends had fun around me (I did try to open up conversation at the bar but I was repeatedly shut down). It's the worst feeling in the world when you're sitting miserable with a drink looking at your phone so you're not staring into the distance and creeping people out while everyone else is having a ball.

    My University is also not known to be the best place for starting relationships as Glasgow Caledonian has quite a poor social standing compared to other local universities. We don't have a union (the function of a union is outsourced to a local franchise) and the student services/representation department which run clubs, gear them towards social/business study students as they have more free time between classes. I have tried to include myself among them, but I couldn't enter the clique simply due to my hobbies not being similar and my field of study.

    Another major problem I have is that my social skills are quite poor with the opposite sex, partly due to being in a course (specialist engineering) that only has males (for the last 3 years) and my constant failure with women. I have attempted many times to get close to a women of my age (22) during other areas of my life but I have been rejected constantly with no success for the last 3 years. I have tried joining clubs and working for my university but I have found that everyone I ask out for a coffee or drink is either already taken (with a few making fun of me to that fact) or simply them saying they don't have anything in common with me. I have tried the usual advice; go to nightclubs (every girl I met in a club in my experience is there with their BF), go to do a hobby (not many ladies my age like philosophy, blues and the avant garde) and online dating (never got a single reply or like in a 3 month trial).

    Now as I am approaching the end of my university course, I am beginning to realise that this loneliness might be how my future will play out with no love life and no friends, this especially seems prudent when my possible occupations after uni are mostly quite unsocial and sadly quite devoid of female contact (there is no reason as to why I have encountered so few female engineers, it beggars belief ).

    I simply don't know what to do, I have been quite depressed for the last two months thinking about it, I get quite sad about my lack to relationship success and recently seeing happy couples has began to give me some self-loathing. I have had some really awful rejections in the past which now make me hesitant to even attempt something like that again and with no friends to talk to (or any personal interaction), I am quite lost.

    Apologies if this is really long, it has been building up for quite a while and I can't about my problems to anyone (who wants to depressed by what I have to say?).

    Any help?

    Kaithen

    I'm glad I found this post as I have been going through something similar. Lately I've realised uni has made me feel so lonely to the point where I'm so comfortable with it. I don't like being around people anymore and it worries living sheeet out of me. On the weekend I don't speak to anyone:/ since I leave in private accommodation with 2 girls (not friends) who I rarely see. I am sure it is not normal to go for 2 days without saying a word. I'm currently in year 3/4 and haven't really made any 'friends'. Just people I sit with in lectures and it all ends there. I get so jealous when I see people going out with their friends :'( . What a terrible experience, I can't wait till it's all over.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm glad I found this post as I have been going through something similar. Lately I've realised uni has made me feel so lonely to the point where I'm so comfortable with it. I don't like being around people anymore and it worries living sheeet out of me. On the weekend I don't speak to anyone:/ since I leave in private accommodation with 2 girls (not friends) who I rarely see. I am sure it is not normal to go for 2 days without saying a word. I'm currently in year 3/4 and haven't really made any 'friends'. Just people I sit with in lectures and it all ends there. I get so jealous when I see people going out with their friends :'( . What a terrible experience, I can't wait till it's all over.
    Same here. Honestly can't wait to finish my degree and go. It's weird because I thought uni would change my life when I was younger but that's really not the case. I feel down when I walk out of uni, cause I live at home. I always want to stay and have fun like other people that I see around me... But I end up just going home and carrying on the Same loop. I did a post a few days ago similar to this one and I'm surprised that there are other people in the same position. if I knew the answer to your post I'd say it but I am in the same position as well :/
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Scorpion66)
    Same here. Honestly can't wait to finish my degree and go. It's weird because I thought uni would change my life when I was younger but that's really not the case. I feel down when I walk out of uni, cause I live at home. I always want to stay and have fun like other people that I see around me... But I end up just going home and carrying on the Same loop. I did a post a few days ago similar to this one and I'm surprised that there are other people in the same position. if I knew the answer to your post I'd say it but I am in the same position as well :/
    I remember thinking that too when I was younger that uni would change my life. Looking back it has actually made my life worse tbh. My year is very cliquey and you wouldn't think at 21/22 people still have that high school mentality. I thought I'd finally make my own quality friends and find people I clicked with, throughout school I just tagged along with a bunch of people. Just hoping the future holds great things for us
 
 
 
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