Just Found Out Boyfriend has Aspergers...
We've been going out since June but I hadn't realised, his mum told me today when I met the parents and he was in the loo. She just told me and then like walked out so I didnt want 2 ask more u know?
Is it weird that I can't tell? He's only got a handful of friends, 1 previous gf and kept on telling me he was shy although he never said he had Aspergers. He has told me a couple of "white lies" but I thought that was normal even with friends lol. i just thought he was a shy bae maybe like with a bit of social anxiety idk.
Thing is i actually rly like him
so where do we go from here? I havent even had a friend with Aspergers cos Im from a tiny village, Ikr everyones different but has anyone been in a relationship with one? He actually seems like rly laid back etc which I find attractive. what 2 expect?
Is it weird that I can't tell? He's only got a handful of friends, 1 previous gf and kept on telling me he was shy although he never said he had Aspergers. He has told me a couple of "white lies" but I thought that was normal even with friends lol. i just thought he was a shy bae maybe like with a bit of social anxiety idk.
Thing is i actually rly like him
so where do we go from here? I havent even had a friend with Aspergers cos Im from a tiny village, Ikr everyones different but has anyone been in a relationship with one? He actually seems like rly laid back etc which I find attractive. what 2 expect?Scroll to see replies
Original post by Anonymous
We've been going out since June but I hadn't realised, his mum told me today when I met the parents and he was in the loo. She just told me and then like walked out so I didnt want 2 ask more u know?
Is it weird that I can't tell? He's only got a handful of friends, 1 previous gf and kept on telling me he was shy although he never said he had Aspergers. He has told me a couple of "white lies" but I thought that was normal even with friends lol. i just thought he was a shy bae maybe like with a bit of social anxiety idk.
Thing is i actually rly like him so where do we go from here? I havent even had a friend with Aspergers cos Im from a tiny village, Ikr everyones different but has anyone been in a relationship with one? He actually seems like rly laid back etc which I find attractive. what 2 expect?
Is it weird that I can't tell? He's only got a handful of friends, 1 previous gf and kept on telling me he was shy although he never said he had Aspergers. He has told me a couple of "white lies" but I thought that was normal even with friends lol. i just thought he was a shy bae maybe like with a bit of social anxiety idk.
Thing is i actually rly like him
so where do we go from here? I havent even had a friend with Aspergers cos Im from a tiny village, Ikr everyones different but has anyone been in a relationship with one? He actually seems like rly laid back etc which I find attractive. what 2 expect?Hi, there. Hope you're well.
It's not unusual for people to have some sort of anxiety/struggle to say that they have something like Aspergers and talk about it but getting to understand what it is etc. might get him to reveal a bit more about his experiences with it. Besides, Aspergers is a completely normal condition to have and I can't see how that would affect your current relationship with him. Just take things easy I'd say.Original post by CoffeeAndPolitics
Hi, there. Hope you're well. It's not unusual for people to have some sort of anxiety/struggle to say that they have something like Aspergers and talk about it but getting to understand what it is etc. might get him to reveal a bit more about his experiences with it. Besides, Aspergers is a completely normal condition to have and I can't see how that would affect your current relationship with him. Just take things easy I'd say.
It's not unusual for people to have some sort of anxiety/struggle to say that they have something like Aspergers and talk about it but getting to understand what it is etc. might get him to reveal a bit more about his experiences with it. Besides, Aspergers is a completely normal condition to have and I can't see how that would affect your current relationship with him. Just take things easy I'd say.Ty
Well I don't mind that he didnt tell me (he doesn't know his mum told me) I'll let him come out in his own time I guess because Im his 2nd gf, it's causing some difficulty in that he's not experienced w girls but that's not really due to the Aspergers. Tbh I am ignorant of having a friend with one, so was looking for advice
Having heard that I am worried about hurting his feelings now accidentally.. but I am very tom boyish and honest which he seems to like?
Original post by tapir
Expect autistic kids if he gets you pregnant. It's genetic.
Don't make stupid posts
I don't think it needs to be a big deal if you haven't had any problems as a result. Just treat it like any other relationship, if there's an issue try and find a way around it that works for you e.g. if arguments are a problem decide to talk via email or something (just an example)
Original post by doodle_333
I don't think it needs to be a big deal if you haven't had any problems as a result. Just treat it like any other relationship, if there's an issue try and find a way around it that works for you e.g. if arguments are a problem decide to talk via email or something (just an example)
We dont actually argue
but like I posted above, his lack of experience w girls is causing problems a bit and now that I know he has aspergers I dont want to be a right ***** by asking him to change re them?Original post by Tiger Rag
It's not weird you can't tell. I have a friend whose boyfriend has it too and it's that obvious.
ty
you mean not that obvious right? I am really tom boyish tbh, the alt hipster type of girl, but I am NT (thats the right word right?) so I was surprised I couldnt pick up on it. I am assuming its "mild"?
All I can say, good on him for already having 2 girlfriends. Many people with Aspergers struggle to have any kind of intimate relationship.
Also, if it hasn't been a problem before you knew, why would it be a problem now.
Also, if it hasn't been a problem before you knew, why would it be a problem now.
Original post by Anonymous
Ty Well I don't mind that he didnt tell me (he doesn't know his mum told me) I'll let him come out in his own time
I guess because Im his 2nd gf, it's causing some difficulty in that he's not experienced w girls but that's not really due to the Aspergers. Tbh I am ignorant of having a friend with one, so was looking for advice
Having heard that I am worried about hurting his feelings now accidentally.. but I am very tom boyish and honest which he seems to like?
Well I don't mind that he didnt tell me (he doesn't know his mum told me) I'll let him come out in his own time I guess because Im his 2nd gf, it's causing some difficulty in that he's not experienced w girls but that's not really due to the Aspergers. Tbh I am ignorant of having a friend with one, so was looking for advice
Having heard that I am worried about hurting his feelings now accidentally.. but I am very tom boyish and honest which he seems to like?
Try asking him a bit about it I suppose, though do give him some time to come out and talk about his Asperger's. You being his 2nd gf - probably not a big issue here and nothing much to worry about. I assume the previous relationship just didn't work out. In terms of hurting his feelings, I don't think you've done anything wrong though depending on the type of personality he has, he might be a bit mad about his mum telling you about his Asperger's but don't take it as if you've don't something wrong. All you've done is just trying to gain a bit of insight into his Asperger's that's all.
Original post by Anonymous
We dont actually argue but like I posted above, his lack of experience w girls is causing problems a bit and now that I know he has aspergers I dont want to be a right ***** by asking him to change re them?
ty you mean not that obvious right?
I am really tom boyish tbh, the alt hipster type of girl, but I am NT (thats the right word right?) so I was surprised I couldnt pick up on it. I am assuming its "mild"?
but like I posted above, his lack of experience w girls is causing problems a bit and now that I know he has aspergers I dont want to be a right ***** by asking him to change re them?ty
you mean not that obvious right? I am really tom boyish tbh, the alt hipster type of girl, but I am NT (thats the right word right?) so I was surprised I couldnt pick up on it. I am assuming its "mild"?
You can ask him to change/discuss him changing a little on issues. But maybe be a little bit patient if it takes him longer to do certain things. I'm sure you'll argue at some point :P
yeah it's not that crazy, plenty of people don't get diagnosed with autism/aspergers til later in their teens/adulthood and plenty are missed completely because they're not so 'obvious'
Original post by SCIENCE :D
All I can say, good on him for already having 2 girlfriends. Many people with Aspergers struggle to have any kind of intimate relationship.
Also, if it hasn't been a problem before you knew, why would it be a problem now.
Also, if it hasn't been a problem before you knew, why would it be a problem now.
I had to chase him tbh
ask his friend if he would go out w me lol. Is that a red flag? but I dun see the problem with the girl asking the dude 
Original post by CoffeeAndPolitics
Try asking him a bit about it I suppose, though do give him some time to come out and talk about his Asperger's. You being his 2nd gf - probably not a big issue here and nothing much to worry about. I assume the previous relationship just didn't work out. In terms of hurting his feelings, I don't think you've done anything wrong though depending on the type of personality he has, he might be a bit mad about his mum telling you about his Asperger's but don't take it as if you've don't something wrong. All you've done is just trying to gain a bit of insight into his Asperger's that's all.
Thanks
thats the thing tho, he doesn't know his mum told him? I wasn't asking either, she just mentioned it randomly.Yh obviously most guys will have exes. He's just inexperienced tho, and it shows (he gets "turned on" rly easily if u know what I mean?). We don't have arguments, but even before his mom told me he had AS, I admit I feel like I should be with someone who understands women better. But then I felt guilty
I have aspergers and honestly just respect his wishes as sometimes it can lead to sensory issues (I hate being touched without prior knowledge that touch will happen). Not really sure what it's like being in a relationship or anything but just respect him if he asks certain things that may seem odd. Obviously don't let him control you though.
Can't really say much on this topic though lmao
Good luck tho.
Oh also don't ask him to change most people with Aspergers hate that.
Can't really say much on this topic though lmao
Good luck tho.
Oh also don't ask him to change most people with Aspergers hate that.
Original post by WWEaboo
I have aspergers and honestly just respect his wishes as sometimes it can lead to sensory issues (I hate being touched without prior knowledge that touch will happen). Not really sure what it's like being in a relationship or anything but just respect him if he asks certain things that may seem odd. Obviously don't let him control you though.
Can't really say much on this topic though lmao
Good luck tho.
Oh also don't ask him to change most people with Aspergers hate that.
Can't really say much on this topic though lmao
Good luck tho.
Oh also don't ask him to change most people with Aspergers hate that.
Don't think I have aspergers but I feel you on the touching thing. I wouldnt mind if a gf unexpectedly touched me but anyone else and I feel really uncomfortable.
Original post by black1blade
Don't think I have aspergers but I feel you on the touching thing. I wouldnt mind if a gf unexpectedly touched me but anyone else and I feel really uncomfortable.
I'm not even sure if it was my girlfriend I'd be comfortable as it always makes my skin crawl.
Adding to my points likelyhood is he has a deep obssession with something. Most people with Aspergers do. For me (and many of my friends with Aspergers) it's Japanese video games, pop culture,anime and manga which is an extremely common interest amongst people with Aspergers.
Original post by WWEaboo
I'm not even sure if it was my girlfriend I'd be comfortable as it always makes my skin crawl.
Adding to my points likelyhood is he has a deep obssession with something. Most people with Aspergers do. For me (and many of my friends with Aspergers) it's Japanese video games, pop culture,anime and manga which is an extremely common interest amongst people with Aspergers.
Adding to my points likelyhood is he has a deep obssession with something. Most people with Aspergers do. For me (and many of my friends with Aspergers) it's Japanese video games, pop culture,anime and manga which is an extremely common interest amongst people with Aspergers.
Anime fans do tend to be a bit more antisocial than most. I actually consume a lot of anime but openly expressing that and trying to get people who aren't interested in talking about it is pretty socially detrimental so I don't. I do talk about anime a lot online but recently I've been broadening my interests into 70s rock music and other things. I do always wonder when I find people online that are only into anime and things related to anime, if they are on the spectrum so to speak. There's a music room in one of the discords I'm in and there's this guy who only posts 90s fighting game music...
Original post by black1blade
Anime fans do tend to be a bit more antisocial than most. I actually consume a lot of anime but openly expressing that and trying to get people who aren't interested in talking about it is pretty socially detrimental so I don't. I do talk about anime a lot online but recently I've been broadening my interests into 70s rock music and other things. I do always wonder when I find people online that are only into anime and things related to anime, if they are on the spectrum so to speak. There's a music room in one of the discords I'm in and there's this guy who only posts 90s fighting game music...
Yeah. There's only two girls in my sixthform and I was discussing favourite movies with one of them and as soon as I mentioned I loved End of Evangelion and that it was anime she got really awkward. I just don't like hiding my interests y'know they're a big part of my identity and I think liking stuff like anime has helped me stay with the right crowd as most other people in my sixthform smoke or do some other types ofd drugs.
Also 90's fighting game music is sooo good. I listen to game OSTs quite a lot tbh [video="youtube;EEDvf6VclD4"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEDvf6VclD4[/video]
My bf is too and really it doesn't mean that much. Considering you didn't realise, he's probably pretty well adjusted to living with it. It depends on the person how it affects them specifically but common things that come with is anxiety and finding it harder to pick up on subtile social interactions.
So being in a relationship with him, it may mean that you need to be clear to him about your feelings (positive or negative) as he may not be able to pick up on them if you're just hinting at it. From the very start, my boyfriend and I have just been straight out telling each other what we feel and just talk about whatever even if it would seem rude or embarrassing for others. For example, we've talked about how we feel about hair in the intimate parts.
Another way it would affect you specifically would be him getting anxiety and finding things overwhelming. He may not want to do certain things that seem nothing to you. And he may have days when he's just not feeling up to going into public places with a lot of people or even just talking to anyone. Even if you planned to meet up that day. So you may need to be a bit understanding in that case.
He likely has a specific interest that he mostly concentrates on and has to have some sort of routine or repetitive behaviour to feel okay. Really, it's just little things that you will pick up over time.
If you want, you can read about it in general here http://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/asperger.aspx
So being in a relationship with him, it may mean that you need to be clear to him about your feelings (positive or negative) as he may not be able to pick up on them if you're just hinting at it. From the very start, my boyfriend and I have just been straight out telling each other what we feel and just talk about whatever even if it would seem rude or embarrassing for others. For example, we've talked about how we feel about hair in the intimate parts.
Another way it would affect you specifically would be him getting anxiety and finding things overwhelming. He may not want to do certain things that seem nothing to you. And he may have days when he's just not feeling up to going into public places with a lot of people or even just talking to anyone. Even if you planned to meet up that day. So you may need to be a bit understanding in that case.
He likely has a specific interest that he mostly concentrates on and has to have some sort of routine or repetitive behaviour to feel okay. Really, it's just little things that you will pick up over time.
If you want, you can read about it in general here http://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/asperger.aspx
Original post by WWEaboo
Yeah. There's only two girls in my sixthform and I was favourite movies with one of them and as soon as I mentioned I loved End of Evangelion and that it was anime she got really awkward. I just don't like hiding my interests y'know they're a big part of my identity and I think liking stuff like anime has helped me stay with the right crowd as most other people in my sixthform smoke or do some other types ofd drugs.
Also 90's fighting game music is sooo good. I listen to game OSTs quite a lot tbh [video="youtube;EEDvf6VclD4"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEDvf6VclD4[/video]
Also 90's fighting game music is sooo good. I listen to game OSTs quite a lot tbh [video="youtube;EEDvf6VclD4"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEDvf6VclD4[/video]
Everyone knows I'm partial to anime just I tend to find what other people are interested in and talk about that. Also yeah end of Eva is one of the best anime films ever. Up there with Jin rou and kara no kyoukai 5 for me.
Original post by Anonymous
We've been going out since June but I hadn't realised, his mum told me today when I met the parents and he was in the loo. She just told me and then like walked out so I didnt want 2 ask more u know?
Is it weird that I can't tell? He's only got a handful of friends, 1 previous gf and kept on telling me he was shy although he never said he had Aspergers. He has told me a couple of "white lies" but I thought that was normal even with friends lol. i just thought he was a shy bae maybe like with a bit of social anxiety idk.
Thing is i actually rly like him so where do we go from here? I havent even had a friend with Aspergers cos Im from a tiny village, Ikr everyones different but has anyone been in a relationship with one? He actually seems like rly laid back etc which I find attractive. what 2 expect?
Is it weird that I can't tell? He's only got a handful of friends, 1 previous gf and kept on telling me he was shy although he never said he had Aspergers. He has told me a couple of "white lies" but I thought that was normal even with friends lol. i just thought he was a shy bae maybe like with a bit of social anxiety idk.
Thing is i actually rly like him
so where do we go from here? I havent even had a friend with Aspergers cos Im from a tiny village, Ikr everyones different but has anyone been in a relationship with one? He actually seems like rly laid back etc which I find attractive. what 2 expect?It's not that strange that you can't tell. Jim Jefferies only found out he had aspergers in his 30's. It doesn't mean a person can't be functional.
You obviously see the qualities the guy has, and now you know he has a reason for any slight oddities you might have otherwise have not known he has good reason for.
Original post by Anonymous
We've been going out since June but I hadn't realised, his mum told me today when I met the parents and he was in the loo. She just told me and then like walked out so I didnt want 2 ask more u know?
Is it weird that I can't tell? He's only got a handful of friends, 1 previous gf and kept on telling me he was shy although he never said he had Aspergers. He has told me a couple of "white lies" but I thought that was normal even with friends lol. i just thought he was a shy bae maybe like with a bit of social anxiety idk.
Thing is i actually rly like him so where do we go from here? I havent even had a friend with Aspergers cos Im from a tiny village, Ikr everyones different but has anyone been in a relationship with one? He actually seems like rly laid back etc which I find attractive. what 2 expect?
Is it weird that I can't tell? He's only got a handful of friends, 1 previous gf and kept on telling me he was shy although he never said he had Aspergers. He has told me a couple of "white lies" but I thought that was normal even with friends lol. i just thought he was a shy bae maybe like with a bit of social anxiety idk.
Thing is i actually rly like him
so where do we go from here? I havent even had a friend with Aspergers cos Im from a tiny village, Ikr everyones different but has anyone been in a relationship with one? He actually seems like rly laid back etc which I find attractive. what 2 expect?Perspective from someone with High Functioning Autism (don't think it's quite the same as Aspergers but it's very similar):
The things you've noticed (shyness, mild social anxiety) are pretty normal for those with ASD/Aspergers. Other common symptoms are an obsession with a certain thing (in my case it's either maths or cars, but I'm not as obsessed as some neurotypicals I know), although if you've been dating him or even been friends with him, you'd probably know by now.
You said you hadn't noticed until you were told. That suggests he is well-adapted/high-functioning and can pose as normal (just like me). So in my opinion, knowing he has Aspergers changes nothing. He's still the same person. Why should a label change that?
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