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My anger is destroying me

20 year old female and my anger is already starting to corrode my life.
I dont even know where to start with it.
So basically, Anger is a cover up emotion for something else, it usually means suffering. I dont want to feel sorry for myself but admittedly i am depressed and i have been on and off since i was 13. I probably have undiagnosed aspergers as well. I think the reason for my anger is because i have bad experiences with other people, i have been backstabbed romantically and platonically and i borderline hate people, i hate seeing happy couples in love, i hate seeing my ex friends happy even though they hurt me and i hate life, i hate being here.
Im sorry that sounds heavy and malicious but that is how i feel about everything. Hate.
Ive decided i dont want any more friends or boyfriends. Ive accepted they aren't for me and i do truly believe i would be happiest single and alone. the problem is my anger, its really starting to ruin things.
I was fired from a job 3 weeks ago for snapping at a customer. I didnt shout at them but i did look visibly stressed as the shift was extremely unorganised and i was getting the brunt of it as i was new so i was getting the stress taken out from other members of staff. I have always held down a job and i was really upset when i got fired because its never happened before.
I snap at my parents at the slightest thing, it could be anything but ill just see red and burst in anger because i get so easily irritated at literally anything.
I also stormed out of a supermarket because my card kept declining. i just left. i was really embarrased about this so please try and understand. the problem looking back is i just stop thinking. when im starting to rise i stop thinking and just feel the anger so there is no rational part of me that can pull me back, i just see red and that is it, theres no stopping me.
I dont want to go on antidepressants because they make me feel numb and they kill my libido. i know i wont ever be having another relationship now but i still dont want that issue. Ive tried meditation so many times but my mind literally wanders after 2 seconds and i just cant get it to focus, ive tried journaling coping mechanisms but they all seem to fly out the window and be forgotten the minute i start getting irritable. i literally get irritated if people walk too slowly, i get irritated if it rains i just get irritated full stop, its really really bad. I read like crazy, ive been reading so many self help books but nothing seems to be working and i dont want to end up breaking the law or something because my anger got the better of me.
Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous #1
20 year old female and my anger is already starting to corrode my life.
I dont even know where to start with it.
So basically, Anger is a cover up emotion for something else, it usually means suffering. I dont want to feel sorry for myself but admittedly i am depressed and i have been on and off since i was 13. I probably have undiagnosed aspergers as well. I think the reason for my anger is because i have bad experiences with other people, i have been backstabbed romantically and platonically and i borderline hate people, i hate seeing happy couples in love, i hate seeing my ex friends happy even though they hurt me and i hate life, i hate being here.
Im sorry that sounds heavy and malicious but that is how i feel about everything. Hate.
Ive decided i dont want any more friends or boyfriends. Ive accepted they aren't for me and i do truly believe i would be happiest single and alone. the problem is my anger, its really starting to ruin things.
I was fired from a job 3 weeks ago for snapping at a customer. I didnt shout at them but i did look visibly stressed as the shift was extremely unorganised and i was getting the brunt of it as i was new so i was getting the stress taken out from other members of staff. I have always held down a job and i was really upset when i got fired because its never happened before.
I snap at my parents at the slightest thing, it could be anything but ill just see red and burst in anger because i get so easily irritated at literally anything.
I also stormed out of a supermarket because my card kept declining. i just left. i was really embarrased about this so please try and understand. the problem looking back is i just stop thinking. when im starting to rise i stop thinking and just feel the anger so there is no rational part of me that can pull me back, i just see red and that is it, theres no stopping me.
I dont want to go on antidepressants because they make me feel numb and they kill my libido. i know i wont ever be having another relationship now but i still dont want that issue. Ive tried meditation so many times but my mind literally wanders after 2 seconds and i just cant get it to focus, ive tried journaling coping mechanisms but they all seem to fly out the window and be forgotten the minute i start getting irritable. i literally get irritated if people walk too slowly, i get irritated if it rains i just get irritated full stop, its really really bad. I read like crazy, ive been reading so many self help books but nothing seems to be working and i dont want to end up breaking the law or something because my anger got the better of me.

I won't say anger is a bad trait of an individual but the issue arises when it becomes extreme. Every person has it and I personally feel it helps us to release/lessen our frustration. Therefore, it's okay sometimes to be angry. Even though you've applied or followed various methods to keep your cool, one thing and perhaps the most important thing I believe you missed out on is understanding yourself. It's really crucial to understand oneself. When you understand yourself fully, you'll be able to control your anger as you realize what circumstances you're in and you will automatically figure out how you'll have to act there.

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