Year 13 - lacking social life

So for context I'm heading into year 13 after this holiday and will be going to university. Before sixth form I was more of a lone wolf - I enjoyed my own company and sort of did my own thing and in school I had a core friendship group that I would sometimes do stuff with outside of school. However, as soon as I hit sixth form it fell apart for various reasons just as I began to desire to grow more on the social side of things. However I no longer had a core group to fall back on so that didn't exactly work out - especially since I stayed in my school's sixth form. This is not to say that I don't have friends - I get on well with many people I talk to within the school and have a few friends I can meet up with but unfortunately this doesn't happen often. I'd say that the main problem here is that I know too many people and am just not close enough to invite them out and as they all already have their own set groups and group chats they do not need to consider ever inviting me out to do something. I don't know this has recently just started getting on my nerves as there's so much stuff that I would like to do but haven't been able to because there's not really anyone I can invite along with me. I suppose it's just difficult not being in the *in* crowd at this point or, not even that, just not having a core friendship group anymore. Yes, I could stick it out till next year since I'm going to university but let's face it, that's an entire year and education isn't everything - I want to have fun too!

That was so badly explained. Advice/assurance please If you read this.

Reply 1

Leighamc

5

Are there any close friends you can get in contact with? even old ones?
Don't let yourself get shut out, try confiding in someone that you're getting lonely and want to have more of a social life, and that it's bringing you down. Or, bite the bullet and invite people out! For example, if you know that girl in your English class who is friendly and you sometimes chat to loves Shakespeare, suggest you go to the globe together.

Reply 2

username1292215

22

Original post by Anonymous

So for context I'm heading into year 13 after this holiday and will be going to university. Before sixth form I was more of a lone wolf - I enjoyed my own company and sort of did my own thing and in school I had a core friendship group that I would sometimes do stuff with outside of school. However, as soon as I hit sixth form it fell apart for various reasons just as I began to desire to grow more on the social side of things. However I no longer had a core group to fall back on so that didn't exactly work out - especially since I stayed in my school's sixth form. This is not to say that I don't have friends - I get on well with many people I talk to within the school and have a few friends I can meet up with but unfortunately this doesn't happen often. I'd say that the main problem here is that I know too many people and am just not close enough to invite them out and as they all already have their own set groups and group chats they do not need to consider ever inviting me out to do something. I don't know this has recently just started getting on my nerves as there's so much stuff that I would like to do but haven't been able to because there's not really anyone I can invite along with me. I suppose it's just difficult not being in the *in* crowd at this point or, not even that, just not having a core friendship group anymore. Yes, I could stick it out till next year since I'm going to university but let's face it, that's an entire year and education isn't everything - I want to have fun too!

That was so badly explained. Advice/assurance please If you read this.

If you ever need an online friend buddy/ spiritual guide :cool:

you can pm me.

Your post was pretty much me 2 years ago, and now last school year I am kind of similar to you but different, basically in the summer holidays I go into anti social mode. That was last summer, and definitely this summer. In sixth form though I am lucky that I have welcoming people who do have a social life (but its just mainly occasions, while I know some other groups go out nearly all the time) , although I seem to have drifted from them this past week or 2.

So what your having is extremely normal, I would say perhaps you could try and organise things? Soon in year 13 I don't think people will be able to have a social life closer to exams, so I would say ignore the desire for a booming social life. Since you will have uni soon?

Reply 3

haribo asstastic

1

Original post by Anonymous

So for context I'm heading into year 13 after this holiday and will be going to university. Before sixth form I was more of a lone wolf - I enjoyed my own company and sort of did my own thing and in school I had a core friendship group that I would sometimes do stuff with outside of school. However, as soon as I hit sixth form it fell apart for various reasons just as I began to desire to grow more on the social side of things. However I no longer had a core group to fall back on so that didn't exactly work out - especially since I stayed in my school's sixth form. This is not to say that I don't have friends - I get on well with many people I talk to within the school and have a few friends I can meet up with but unfortunately this doesn't happen often. I'd say that the main problem here is that I know too many people and am just not close enough to invite them out and as they all already have their own set groups and group chats they do not need to consider ever inviting me out to do something. I don't know this has recently just started getting on my nerves as there's so much stuff that I would like to do but haven't been able to because there's not really anyone I can invite along with me. I suppose it's just difficult not being in the *in* crowd at this point or, not even that, just not having a core friendship group anymore. Yes, I could stick it out till next year since I'm going to university but let's face it, that's an entire year and education isn't everything - I want to have fun too!

That was so badly explained. Advice/assurance please If you read this.

You can do a lot of stuff alone. Like start a drug trade, use a drone to piss off the locals, rob your neighbour's dog or something

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 4

LostYouth

15

Original post by Anonymous

So for context I'm heading into year 13 after this holiday and will be going to university. Before sixth form I was more of a lone wolf - I enjoyed my own company and sort of did my own thing and in school I had a core friendship group that I would sometimes do stuff with outside of school. However, as soon as I hit sixth form it fell apart for various reasons just as I began to desire to grow more on the social side of things. However I no longer had a core group to fall back on so that didn't exactly work out - especially since I stayed in my school's sixth form. This is not to say that I don't have friends - I get on well with many people I talk to within the school and have a few friends I can meet up with but unfortunately this doesn't happen often. I'd say that the main problem here is that I know too many people and am just not close enough to invite them out and as they all already have their own set groups and group chats they do not need to consider ever inviting me out to do something. I don't know this has recently just started getting on my nerves as there's so much stuff that I would like to do but haven't been able to because there's not really anyone I can invite along with me. I suppose it's just difficult not being in the *in* crowd at this point or, not even that, just not having a core friendship group anymore. Yes, I could stick it out till next year since I'm going to university but let's face it, that's an entire year and education isn't everything - I want to have fun too!

That was so badly explained. Advice/assurance please If you read this.

I had this problem when I was at school. I knew people and hung out with them, but had no genuine friends. The first thing I can say is, it's not the worst position to be in and there are certainly ways you can use this to your advantage. Since you're in Year 13 and are going to university in just over a year, I would encourage you to focus on investing in yourself a lot, in preparation for the next chapter of your life. I think trying to build genuine friendships now is either: a) going to be quite fruitless because most people will have settled into their friendship groups and are likely to be content there; or b) going to be a bad priority, since most people part ways or grow distant when they move to university—where they meet their real friends. I don't know any cliques from my school that didn't either dissolve or fracture when we left for university. The reason behind that is, even in those big friendship groups, most people don't have genuine connections with each other. In a sense, it's actually better to have one or two genuine, non-cliquey friends than it is to belong in a massive social group.

So, how do you overcome this problem in the next year?

I would say focus on self-development. Work very hard at school to get the best grades you can because A-Levels actually matter when you apply for most good internship and graduate programmes at university. Perhaps take 4 A-Levels and the EPQ and just smash them out. If not, then do a couple of MOOCs alongside your 3 A-Levels. These are worthy investments and your returns will be ready in the next 2-3 years. In addition to this, join societies at school. Why not take up debating and public speaking? This will improve your communication skills, boost your confidence, and could be an opportunity to make one or two genuine friends. Not to mention that it looks really good when you apply to top universities. Outside of school, hit the gym. Pick up the weights and watch those muscles grow. This will boost your testosterone, dopamine and serotonin levels, and may well get you noticed by the girls. You may be invited to a cool party or two. That's an opportunity to meet new people. More importantly, though, you need to learn to be comfortable in your own company. It sounds like you've been a lone wolf before and yet you still haven't learnt to enjoy being alone. Why do you need people to do stuff with? Don't get me wrong, it's fun to do things with people, but doing things on your own isn't necessarily bad either. You can have a perfectly decent time on your own. I've been to gigs, exhibitions, screenings, and even on holiday on my own! I had a great time: no one to nag me or get on my nerves, no one to argue with, and no one to make compromises to. It's great.

The sum of boosting your confidence, improving your communication skills, getting fitter and musclier, working on self-love, etc., is a better version of yourself. A version of you that's ready for university. Ready to meet new people, build genuine friendships, and create the memories of a lifetime. If you can prepare for university now, you can take advantage of the experience and really blossom as a person. I can't tell you how many people I knew to be "lone wolves" at school but are now club promoters, models, rugby lads, hot girls... big names on campus (BNOCs). All they did was change their habits, attitude, and surroundings. These transformations are perfectly normal, so I think you should gear yourself up for that instead of prioritising making friends now.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 5

3121

21

I found that towards mid year 13 every group just started merging and I’d shift between them not feeling quite settled, sometimes I felt comfortable just being alone or with 1 or 2 friends since being the loose one in a tight group isn’t always fun. I don’t find it hard to make friends, I just find it hard to build good friendships. Like we’ve spoken, we have loads to talk about but what do I do/say to become someone they’d want to sit with? Idk, I’ve just rolled along with whatever happens but now I actually want to choose my friends I find that rolling along isn’t helpful. Anyway at the end of year 13 I’m in a group I didn’t really think I’d be in, I like most the people and I regret not building good friendships with a lot of them beforehand.

Bottom line, in year 13 everyone just gets on in the end unless you’re part of the anti social group(s), once you turn 18 you all enter a new group and you’ll be shocked to know people go out clubbing/drinking even during exam season, I only did it once but I thought I deserved it. But you need to make an effort to ask people to go places, just start off talking about things you want to do see if they’re interested then ask them if they’re up for it.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks to everyone for your considerate and detailed replies. It really helps to have people be understanding of my situation - I will try to take on some of your helpful advice. :smile:

Year 13 - lacking social life

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