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Muslim and same sex attractions. Anyone else in a similar situation? watch

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    I'm a Muslim female. I'm attracted to girls as well as guys (but more attracted to girls). I know being gay is not allowed in Islam but I can't help the attraction I feel to other girls.

    I have fancied a few girls that I know of personally but things have never happened. If i try to stop these thoughts etc, I just feel suffocated etc. But at the same time, I don't feel 100% comfortable getting with another girl.

    I masturbate thinking about girls, I know masturbating isn't allowed in Islam either. But if it is the lesser of the two sins, then it is permitted right? To prevent myself from getting into a relationship where I won't be 100% happy or comfortable, I masturbate. Which helps as when I tried to restrict thoughts and feelings about girls in the past, I've just ended up feeling distant to my religion, depressed, suffocated and suicidal.

    Can someone give me some advice? Or maybe there is another person who is in a similar situation to me that would be willing to talk to me? I just feel lonely since I can't discuss this issue with anyone!!
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    I have a friend who is gay and his parents are extremely strict muslims. He had recently came out ot his parents and sadly, they had shunned him out of the house for a few months and he had to live with me for a while. Eventually, his parents took him back in after 'forgiving' him although there was nothing to forgive in the first place.
    They still disapprove of him being gay apparently but they will make an exception because he is their son. I don't know how strict your parents are or how devoted you and they are to islam and this is coming from someone who is an ex-catholic, but I guess my only advice is, if you are feeling distant from your religion because it doesn't feel like it is part of you anymore, leave the religion.
    At times I thought me becoming distant from catholicism was because I wasn't reading the bible enougu or going to church enough but no matter how many times I prayed or went to church, I couldn't connect to catholicism as I did when I was younger and more malleable. Your parents might disapprove at first, but may eventually come to realise that you can make decisions for yourself.
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    Hi! I am really sorry about your situation. You might hate me for saying this but please talk to a sheikh or imam. You might think wth why. but they are educated in this stuff. . Allah is with you all the time dont forget. Homosexual thoughts that are not acted apon i dont think is a sin but, Allah knows best. I think just surrounding yourself with these thoughts make it worse. Try to spend time with family or get your head around something else, not girls. Hopefully i have given good advice good luck xx
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    (Original post by vadermolt)
    I have a friend who is gay and his parents are extremely strict muslims. He had recently came out ot his parents and sadly, they had shunned him out of the house for a few months and he had to live with me for a while. Eventually, his parents took him back in after 'forgiving' him although there was nothing to forgive in the first place.
    They still disapprove of him being gay apparently but they will make an exception because he is their son. I don't know how strict your parents are or how devoted you and they are to islam and this is coming from someone who is an ex-catholic, but I guess my only advice is, if you are feeling distant from your religion because it doesn't feel like it is part of you anymore, leave the religion.
    At times I thought me becoming distant from catholicism was because I wasn't reading the bible enougu or going to church enough but no matter how many times I prayed or went to church, I couldn't connect to catholicism as I did when I was younger and more malleable. Your parents might disapprove at first, but may eventually come to realise that you can make decisions for yourself.
    Thank you for your response. I personally think this situation of me being attracted to girls has made me feel distant. I have been working on myself and praying more which has been helping, generally I don't feel distant from my religion.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a Muslim female. I'm attracted to girls as well as guys (but more attracted to girls). I know being gay is not allowed in Islam but I can't help the attraction I feel to other girls.

    I have fancied a few girls that I know of personally but things have never happened. If i try to stop these thoughts etc, I just feel suffocated etc. But at the same time, I don't feel 100% comfortable getting with another girl.

    I masturbate thinking about girls, I know masturbating isn't allowed in Islam either. But if it is the lesser of the two sins, then it is permitted right? To prevent myself from getting into a relationship where I won't be 100% happy or comfortable, I masturbate. Which helps as when I tried to restrict thoughts and feelings about girls in the past, I've just ended up feeling distant to my religion, depressed, suffocated and suicidal.

    Can someone give me some advice? Or maybe there is another person who is in a similar situation to me that would be willing to talk to me? I just feel lonely since I can't discuss this issue with anyone!!
    Know what you mean. PM me
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    (Original post by Taz554:-))
    Hi! I am really sorry about your situation. You might hate me for saying this but please talk to a sheikh or imam. You might think wth why. but they are educated in this stuff. . Allah is with you all the time dont forget. Homosexual thoughts that are not acted apon i dont think is a sin but, Allah knows best. I think just surrounding yourself with these thoughts make it worse. Try to spend time with family or get your head around something else, not girls. Hopefully i have given good advice good luck xx
    Thank you for your advice. I don't know any Sheikh or Imams personally plus I don't really have access to them.. Also, I don't like the thought of speaking to them about something that is so not allowed in Islam..

    Yeah I've heard homosexual thoughts are not a sin as we can't control them. Same with my feelings, I can't help the way I feel.. There's a girl at work, she's Bengali, I feel like I'm starting to like her.. I know the only way I can stop my feelings from developing further is by avoiding her but it's hard at work plus I enjoy her company, she makes me happy..

    I've tried to not feel this way, originally I assumed it was just a phase but I've always been like this, always felt more attracted to women than men..
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    If something makes you happy it shouldn't be considered a sin (obviously, I'm not talking about extreme situations) but if she makes you happy then you should not avoid her or try to suppress your feelings. No religion should label love as a sin. You said it yourself - you can't help how you feel/what you think - so don't try to shun this. Time will show if you like like her or just like her as a friend, or any other girl for that reason. Don't feel ashamed/scared of who you are and who you like. This is YOU, you're alive and your happiness should be a priority.
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    I've heard "scholars" endorsing "the lesser of the two sins" is, even though not ideal, permissible. But if these endorsements are essentially opinions then why bother?

    Form you own honest opinion and continue living your life on your terms. There are Muslims who think Burqa is a demeaning whilst another group saying its liberating. It's perspective and interpretation of the book. As longs as you fulfill the 5 pillars of Islam you should be considered a good Muslim (?) and the pillars doesn't mention anything about homosexuality.

    I obviously know very less about the religion but hey this is a free country =D
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a Muslim female. I'm attracted to girls as well as guys (but more attracted to girls). I know being gay is not allowed in Islam but I can't help the attraction I feel to other girls.

    I have fancied a few girls that I know of personally but things have never happened. If i try to stop these thoughts etc, I just feel suffocated etc. But at the same time, I don't feel 100% comfortable getting with another girl.

    I masturbate thinking about girls, I know masturbating isn't allowed in Islam either. But if it is the lesser of the two sins, then it is permitted right? To prevent myself from getting into a relationship where I won't be 100% happy or comfortable, I masturbate. Which helps as when I tried to restrict thoughts and feelings about girls in the past, I've just ended up feeling distant to my religion, depressed, suffocated and suicidal.

    Can someone give me some advice? Or maybe there is another person who is in a similar situation to me that would be willing to talk to me? I just feel lonely since I can't discuss this issue with anyone!!
    happy to talk to you !
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    A close friend of mine is bisexual, she has extremely strict parents, and her other friends are homophobic, so she's really struggling with it to the extent that she's depressed. She felt so sad, and there was barely anything I could do to help her. She's recently just got into a relationship, which she's hiding from her parents, but she's so much happier.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a Muslim female. I'm attracted to girls as well as guys (but more attracted to girls). I know being gay is not allowed in Islam but I can't help the attraction I feel to other girls.

    I have fancied a few girls that I know of personally but things have never happened. If i try to stop these thoughts etc, I just feel suffocated etc. But at the same time, I don't feel 100% comfortable getting with another girl.

    I masturbate thinking about girls, I know masturbating isn't allowed in Islam either. But if it is the lesser of the two sins, then it is permitted right? To prevent myself from getting into a relationship where I won't be 100% happy or comfortable, I masturbate. Which helps as when I tried to restrict thoughts and feelings about girls in the past, I've just ended up feeling distant to my religion, depressed, suffocated and suicidal.

    Can someone give me some advice? Or maybe there is another person who is in a similar situation to me that would be willing to talk to me? I just feel lonely since I can't discuss this issue with anyone!!

    Salaam sis, i pray you and your family are well. Firstly, may allah bless up for trying to seek advice and help with your situation, and not just trying to self justify.

    I can understand what you are feeling and i know people whove been through the same.

    Im sorry if i sound too direct at times, its only because im in a rush atm, so forgive me in advance.

    Firstly, what you must understand is, what youre feeling is a desire. A desire just like any other desires. The same kind of desire men and women have towards each other. So what your feeling is not specific to you. (I.e the feeling of suffocation, the internal battle between your desire and what you know is right; your intellect) because many muslim men and woman feel exactly the same way, but with the opposite gender. They feel suffocated because they cant express their desires or get into a relationship when there are barriers in place ( ie too young, cant get married yet, still studying etc and if youre from an asian family, youll know the whole list of of social barriers there are to get married, or even to tell your parents you like someone) and the common and main barrier between both: muslims who feel attracted to the same gender, and opposite, and want to express that feeling, both know it is wrong.

    Each and every person has their own trials. Allah says in the quran in surah ankabut "do they think they will attain paradise just by saying they believe, and they will not be tested? They will surely be tested, just like those who came before them"

    Whilst some people are tested with money, children, homes, alcohol, and other things some are tested with desires. It doesnt meant allah hates you, from what i can say so far is that youve done exceptionally well to stay away from the desire. And we all slip at times, we're human. Allah doesnt expect perfection, but the effort. we need to always try to get back up. Allah also says in the quran in the last verse if surah baqarah "allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity" allah knows you will be able and you have the capacity to restrain yourself, and He believes in you so much, to give you this specific test, and im definitely sure you can. Otherwise you wouldnt be looking for advice in the first place.

    1) if you can try and speak to someone you can trust but is also fairly knowledgable in islam whether that be an imam or a studdnt of islamic sciences.

    2) change your perspective of how you see the woman in thr work place. I know its easier said than done. But tell yourself you dont actually like her.

    3) and something i advise my friends and others to do, if they see or have a desire towards someone is to remember the verse: "indeed this life is nothing but the enjoyment of dillusion". When you truly internalise how temporary this life and its satisfactions are, you will really strengthen your will power.

    4) theres a book by stephen covey called 7 habits of highly effective people. You can learn so much from there and apply them tools to your daily life.

    Im new to student room so dont reall know how the pm system works, but if you need someone to speak to, feel free to message me.

    Any things good is from allah, and anything bad is from myself.
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    (Original post by paulaxw)
    If something makes you happy it shouldn't be considered a sin (obviously, I'm not talking about extreme situations) but if she makes you happy then you should not avoid her or try to suppress your feelings. No religion should label love as a sin. You said it yourself - you can't help how you feel/what you think - so don't try to shun this. Time will show if you like like her or just like her as a friend, or any other girl for that reason. Don't feel ashamed/scared of who you are and who you like. This is YOU, you're alive and your happiness should be a priority.
    Thank you for your input. I do like being around her, she makes me happy. It just hurts when I'm not with her and I can feel myself getting attached to her. it's just going to hurt me more
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    (Original post by TaintedLight)
    I've heard "scholars" endorsing "the lesser of the two sins" is, even though not ideal, permissible. But if these endorsements are essentially opinions then why bother?

    Form you own honest opinion and continue living your life on your terms. There are Muslims who think Burqa is a demeaning whilst another group saying its liberating. It's perspective and interpretation of the book. As longs as you fulfill the 5 pillars of Islam you should be considered a good Muslim (?) and the pillars doesn't mention anything about homosexuality.

    I obviously know very less about the religion but hey this is a free country =D
    Yeah I understand that there are different perspectives on a lot of things. I find my situation complicated because I'm attracted to girls way more than I am to guys.. I barely find guys attractive, there'll be one in a blue moon chance that I'll be attracted to a guy hence why I've given up looking for a guy that I'm attracted to. Besides it's all about personality for me. maybe what I'm looking for and more attracted to is common in girls rather than guys.

    anyway as I was saying, find my situation complicated as I have these feelings towards women that are out of my control however I know I probably wouldn't feel 100% comfortable with getting into a relationship with a girl. But not being able to express myself makes me feel suffocated, lonely. it's hard
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    (Original post by Bham369)
    Know what you mean. PM me
    I messaged you
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    (Original post by zMissSarahx)
    A close friend of mine is bisexual, she has extremely strict parents, and her other friends are homophobic, so she's really struggling with it to the extent that she's depressed. She felt so sad, and there was barely anything I could do to help her. She's recently just got into a relationship, which she's hiding from her parents, but she's so much happier.
    see I feel like I can relate to the first part.. I've had days where I was worse, I was really struggling to the extent it was making me not want to live.... I go through phases where I'm ok and just see it as a shallow thing but then I have days where I feel like I can only have deep connections with girls, if that makes sense.
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    Just be really good friends. Like really really good
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    Peace be on you Sister,
    I'm so sorry you are going through this. It must be painful and frightening. Know that you are not alone. God loves you so much and everything will be ok. Don't worry about things you might have done in the past, God LOVES those who stop and start to walk in His way.
    I've struggled with same sex attractions but God has given me peace and serenity knowing that as long as I'm on the path of truth what's the worst that can happen, everything will be ok, what else matters?
    If you look at life on this planet like a plane journey to a destination (your real life in the hereafter) then things make sense and become easier. You fall in love with Him first and everything falls into place.
    A couple of resources that might help:
    There is a group on Yahoo called Straight Struggle. It supports people who have chosen to be Muslim to lead a chaste life. There are a number of wonderful sisters on there who can share love and support for you in your journey to be a Muslim.
    There is a psychologist called Janelle Hallman. She's written a book and done a series of lectures you can find on YouTube. She has worked with a large number of women who comes to her with same sex attractions and they delve deeper to understand the foundations of them. Sometimes knowing where these feelings are coming from can be a great help. Maybe something she talks about will resonate, or maybe not.
    It's also worth really asking yourself "do I really want to be a Muslim?" Do you really believe in God enough to want to spend the next few years on the planet living in His way. Constantly reconnecting with Him will help you immensely if this is the journey you want to undertake. It is possible and immensely rewarding.
    May Allah take care of you always
 
 
 
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