Guy I’m seeing hates my hair colour??

This is kinda weird but I’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks now and he keeps going on about my hair. I’m naturally brunette but I dye it a reddish auburn colour and I think it suits me because I’m so pale. I get a lot of compliments from other people on it but he hates it? He keeps going on like “why would you dye your hair that colour” and keeps telling me to dye it back brown..should I ignore him or what? It seems like such a strange thing to get annoyed over

Reply 1

vidda

9

Original post by Anonymous

This is kinda weird but I’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks now and he keeps going on about my hair. I’m naturally brunette but I dye it a reddish auburn colour and I think it suits me because I’m so pale. I get a lot of compliments from other people on it but he hates it? He keeps going on like “why would you dye your hair that colour” and keeps telling me to dye it back brown..should I ignore him or what? It seems like such a strange thing to get annoyed over

Massive red flag. That is the biggest indicator for someone who is controlling. Questioning why you do it, that is the first step. Then it moves on to, don't dye it next time. Ditch the dude, sounds like a bad bet already.

Reply 2

username3756768

14

Original post by Anonymous

This is kinda weird but I’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks now and he keeps going on about my hair. I’m naturally brunette but I dye it a reddish auburn colour and I think it suits me because I’m so pale. I get a lot of compliments from other people on it but he hates it? He keeps going on like “why would you dye your hair that colour” and keeps telling me to dye it back brown..should I ignore him or what? It seems like such a strange thing to get annoyed over

omg ... that hair colour sounds like my perfect type :love:

he seems stupid :frown:

(and too controlling)

Reply 3

DrawTheLine

22

Original post by Anonymous

This is kinda weird but I’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks now and he keeps going on about my hair. I’m naturally brunette but I dye it a reddish auburn colour and I think it suits me because I’m so pale. I get a lot of compliments from other people on it but he hates it? He keeps going on like “why would you dye your hair that colour” and keeps telling me to dye it back brown..should I ignore him or what? It seems like such a strange thing to get annoyed over

He doesn't control you in any way, and he should not be telling you what to do with your hair. This is a bad sign - if you do what he wants this time, he won't stop just with hair colour. It'll be who you're friends with, what job you have, what clothes you wear etc. Please just ignore him and do not do what he wants. I personally would end it, because this can very quickly escalate. As soon as he knows you will do what he wants, he will hang on and never let go, and that's where it gets dangerous.

It's fine to tell you partner "I wish you had brown hair" but it's another thing to tell them to have that hair colour. My boyfriend has thin hair on his head and I always joke about how I wish he had more hair, but I'm not about to tell him to get a hair transplant. Please think carefully about whether you really want to be with this man.

Reply 4

JTfoxlove

12

Yeah...

It's your hair, you choose to dye it and did when he got together with you. Now after a few weeks he is pushing you into changing to suit his tastes. He's "annoyed"... WTF.

I wouldn't ignore him; I'd wave goodbye.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 5

A Rolling Stone

20

Original post by vidda

Massive red flag. That is the biggest indicator for someone who is controlling. Questioning why you do it, that is the first step. Then it moves on to, don't dye it next time. Ditch the dude, sounds like a bad bet already.

no its not. i hate auburn red on a girl, especially if its not natural. what a pity to ruin one's good looks with a stupid hair colour

Reply 6

vidda

9

Original post by CollectiveSoul

no its not. i hate auburn red on a girl, especially if its not natural. what a pity to ruin one's good looks with a stupid hair colour

You're absolutely entitled to that opinion. It is a valid opinion.

What isn't okay on the other hand is questioning someone for their personal choice. You might share the opinion that being fat isn't attractive, do you go up to someone and ask them why they choose to be fat?

Reply 7

A Rolling Stone

20

OP, you might have noticed many guys would prefer small natural boobs to large fake ones, the key is in the word fake. you have a fake hair colour which looks fake and you're surprised it's not to everyone's taste?

Reply 8

DrawTheLine

22

Original post by CollectiveSoul

no its not. i hate auburn red on a girl, especially if its not natural. what a pity to ruin one's good looks with a stupid hair colour

Just because you dislike it doesn't mean you have the right to tell her to change it.

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

I dye my hair all the time and my first boyfriend hated it but I loved it. He insisted I stop dying and let it go back to my natural blonde, which I hated. He got mad, and threatened to break up with me, so I bought hair dye remover and stripped it back to my natural colour, thinking he'd agree that it didn't suit me. I hated how it looked but he told me he loved it so I didn't dye it again. Then a week later he told me my shoes were ugly and took me out and bought me a pair of heels that made my feet hurt and made it impossible to run in but he told me it looked sexy so I threw out my trainers. Then another week passed and I wore a baggy hoodie and loose jeans and he told me he didn't like the outfit I was wearing and dug around my wardrobe and pulled out a bodycon dress I'd bought for my cousin's party and chickened out of wearing and over the next few weeks he took me shopping and picked out more bodycon dresses and miniskirts and low cut tops and I was beyond uncomfortable but he told me he loved it so I kept dressing like that. Within a few months I didn't recognise myself.
It might not seem like a significant change right now but trust me when I say it snowballs and before too long it becomes significant. Maybe he's not as bad as my ex, but please listen when I say that if you want to stop dying your hair, then stop, but don't stop just because he wants you to.

Reply 10

A Rolling Stone

20

Original post by DrawTheLine

Just because you dislike it doesn't mean you have the right to tell her to change it.

he does have the right to say he'd like her to change it back, and she has the right not to listen, at the loss of a potentially (otherwise) good relationship.

Reply 11

DrawTheLine

22

Original post by CollectiveSoul

he does have the right to say he'd like her to change it back, and she has the right not to listen, at the loss of a potentially (otherwise) good relationship.

OP said he is telling her to dye it back, not just saying he would like her to. Just because you are in a relationship with someone does not mean you can control what they do with their body.

Reply 12

A Rolling Stone

20

Original post by vidda

You're absolutely entitled to that opinion. It is a valid opinion.

What isn't okay on the other hand is questioning someone for their personal choice. You might share the opinion that being fat isn't attractive, do you go up to someone and ask them why they choose to be fat?

no but if my girl said she was actively planning to put on lots of weight for whatever reason i would say i wouldn't like that

Reply 13

choco_monsterxo

17

Original post by Anonymous

This is kinda weird but I’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks now and he keeps going on about my hair. I’m naturally brunette but I dye it a reddish auburn colour and I think it suits me because I’m so pale. I get a lot of compliments from other people on it but he hates it? He keeps going on like “why would you dye your hair that colour” and keeps telling me to dye it back brown..should I ignore him or what? It seems like such a strange thing to get annoyed over

Tell him to go jog on

Reply 14

username3756768

14

Original post by Anonymous

I dye my hair all the time and my first boyfriend hated it but I loved it. He insisted I stop dying and let it go back to my natural blonde, which I hated. He got mad, and threatened to break up with me, so I bought hair dye remover and stripped it back to my natural colour, thinking he'd agree that it didn't suit me. I hated how it looked but he told me he loved it so I didn't dye it again. Then a week later he told me my shoes were ugly and took me out and bought me a pair of heels that made my feet hurt and made it impossible to run in but he told me it looked sexy so I threw out my trainers. Then another week passed and I wore a baggy hoodie and loose jeans and he told me he didn't like the outfit I was wearing and dug around my wardrobe and pulled out a bodycon dress I'd bought for my cousin's party and chickened out of wearing and over the next few weeks he took me shopping and picked out more bodycon dresses and miniskirts and low cut tops and I was beyond uncomfortable but he told me he loved it so I kept dressing like that. Within a few months I didn't recognise myself.
It might not seem like a significant change right now but trust me when I say it snowballs and before too long it becomes significant. Maybe he's not as bad as my ex, but please listen when I say that if you want to stop dying your hair, then stop, but don't stop just because he wants you to.

I am glad you saw through it with your ex and found a way to rediscover yourself. I agree with your post entirely. I would never feel comfortable telling a girlfriend "don't wear this or don't wear that" because I'd never let anyone tell me what to do and obvs you want to treat your girl like she is the best thing in the world so it is disrespectful to be commanding things like that of her.

Reply 15

GUMI

19

My first question is, what do you see in someone who keeps criticizing your choice in hair dye

Reply 16

vidda

9

Original post by CollectiveSoul

no but if my girl said she was actively planning to put on lots of weight for whatever reason i would say i wouldn't like that

Again, something you are perfectly entitled to do. However, whilst she is doing that, telling her to stop and lose weight is controlling behaviour. You'd be better off stating that it would be something that would be a deal breaker if she continued to do. Then you follow up on your word.

Reply 17

Anonymous #2

Original post by DrXavier

I am glad you saw through it with your ex and found a way to rediscover yourself. I agree with your post entirely. I would never feel comfortable telling a girlfriend "don't wear this or don't wear that" because I'd never let anyone tell me what to do and obvs you want to treat your girl like she is the best thing in the world so it is disrespectful to be commanding things like that of her.

It took a lot to end it, but as soon as I did I bought another box of hair dye and hid the crap he bought me in a box in the corner of my wardrobe and I've never looked back. After that, whenever someone I was dating showed signs of control like that, I had learnt what they were doing and found it easier to say no. I think him being my first boyfriend made me more eager to please.

Reply 18

username3756768

14

Original post by Anonymous

It took a lot to end it, but as soon as I did I bought another box of hair dye and hid the crap he bought me in a box in the corner of my wardrobe and I've never looked back. After that, whenever someone I was dating showed signs of control like that, I had learnt what they were doing and found it easier to say no. I think him being my first boyfriend made me more eager to please.

I hope now you know much better to not be constantly working to please others and that if you have boyfriends now you make sure you both are working to better each other and make each other stronger rather than trying to control the other person. That is what I always aim for with girlfriends, to be developing together