Getting into uni to do Japanese with a BTEC

Only 2 colleges in my area, both do h&sc and neither are pearson national. What about my plan to work in retail until I'm old enough for an access to HE course? Is that plan no good?

If A levels are too difficult, how are you going to manage with degree level study ...?

I am fine with academics as long as it's genuinely interesting to me. All the A Levels I was planning on doing have been made out to be monstrous life consuming subjects. I don't want to sacrifice 2 years and bet my entire life's worth on a set of exams. I don't do well with exams and I value my mental health. Admittedly I'm pretty lazy as well.
I hate essay based subjects because the mark scheme is far too vague. I like things black and white. Can't do A Level maths because my school never taught us the grade 7-9 criteria since we were the first year to ever do 9-4 maths. They were too scared to teach us grade 7-9 **** because they just wanted us to secure grade 5. Grade 6 for the lucky ones. I was lucky enough to be allowed to do the higher paper due to this fiasco.

if you're happy to wait then there's nothing wrong with that.

The stuff with your GCSEs sounds like a nightmare. Having your opportunities limited by things like that is the worst. Have you ever looked into retaking your higher maths GCSE? When I was at college some colleges offered this option.

What A Levels were you planning on doing? A levels don't have to be really life consuming subjects, but it is true that they aren't the best if you don't like exams. People say a lot of things about A levels but it doesn't mean that they're impossible. Ultimately, thousands of people manage to get into uni with them - you don't have to be a world shattering genius to achieve it, just be organised and apply yourself. A lot of people get scared off of certain A levels because they think they will be too hard for them, but actually they would have been fine. Confidence has a big impact.

I will say that you do still have some exams at uni although it is generally more coursework based for humanities subjects, but languages degrees will tend to also have a lot of exams (particularly in the language) and essays (in the cultural parts) so it might be a good idea to try to get used to both those things as good preparation for a Japanese degree. Also - and I'm sure you are aware of this already if you're interested in Japanese! - learning a language (particularly one like Japanese) will involve a lot of memorising.

You sound very frustrated by your options. I wouldn't necessarily suggest trying to jump on to a practical course you have no interest in just to go back to college, especially if you have run into difficulties with practical assessments before. There's a lot you could do in your own time outside work to explore your options and prepare yourself for studying, such as self studying, volunteering and gaining other skills (maybe even retaking maths?). It does sound like doing an access to HE diploma might be a good option for you. Unfortunately most avenues of study involve a bit of compromise, though, and nothing is ever going to be 100% suited to how you learn best.