How to improve my application

Hello !

So personal statements are due nov 5th (im pretty sure) and I'm wondering what sort of stuff I should add to it?
I'm wanting to apply for a combined French and Chinese or Japanese course, currently i'm studying French and Spanish A levels (A* predicted) and Music tech btec (merit or distinction predicted).

I'm going to do a mooc on the Maya culture in Yucatán and another one on chinese culture.
I've helped out at every college open evening i've been aware of, next year I will be running support sessions for y12 french and spanish students.
I've got some wider reading french books to read and I watch shows dubbed in fr and sp.
In high school I participated in a bake sale and a charity walk to raise money for an LGBTQ+ charity and money for books educating primary school level kids about LGBTQ+.
I was also part of the yearbook committee as well? I made some surveys and sent out emails to students.

I tried my best to find an extracurricular but there was never one I wanted to do/availability for them at college.

Also I'm not sure which uni to apply for, the closest ones to me that are contenders right now are Leeds Uni and Manchester Met - Leeds Uni is the favourite currently, open day booked sep 9th.

Thanks in advance if anyone can help !!!!!

Hello !

So personal statements are due nov 5th (im pretty sure) and I'm wondering what sort of stuff I should add to it?
I'm wanting to apply for a combined French and Chinese or Japanese course, currently i'm studying French and Spanish A levels (A* predicted) and Music tech btec (merit or distinction predicted).

I'm going to do a mooc on the Maya culture in Yucatán and another one on chinese culture.
I've helped out at every college open evening i've been aware of, next year I will be running support sessions for y12 french and spanish students.
I've got some wider reading french books to read and I watch shows dubbed in fr and sp.
In high school I participated in a bake sale and a charity walk to raise money for an LGBTQ+ charity and money for books educating primary school level kids about LGBTQ+.
I was also part of the yearbook committee as well? I made some surveys and sent out emails to students.

I tried my best to find an extracurricular but there was never one I wanted to do/availability for them at college.

Also I'm not sure which uni to apply for, the closest ones to me that are contenders right now are Leeds Uni and Manchester Met - Leeds Uni is the favourite currently, open day booked sep 9th.

Thanks in advance if anyone can help !!!!!

Hello !

So personal statements are due nov 5th (im pretty sure) and I'm wondering what sort of stuff I should add to it?
I'm wanting to apply for a combined French and Chinese or Japanese course, currently i'm studying French and Spanish A levels (A* predicted) and Music tech btec (merit or distinction predicted).

I'm going to do a mooc on the Maya culture in Yucatán and another one on chinese culture.
I've helped out at every college open evening i've been aware of, next year I will be running support sessions for y12 french and spanish students.
I've got some wider reading french books to read and I watch shows dubbed in fr and sp.
In high school I participated in a bake sale and a charity walk to raise money for an LGBTQ+ charity and money for books educating primary school level kids about LGBTQ+.
I was also part of the yearbook committee as well? I made some surveys and sent out emails to students.

I tried my best to find an extracurricular but there was never one I wanted to do/availability for them at college.

Also I'm not sure which uni to apply for, the closest ones to me that are contenders right now are Leeds Uni and Manchester Met - Leeds Uni is the favourite currently, open day booked sep 9th.

Thanks in advance if anyone can help !!!!!

So your bake sale stuff should be posted at the very end of your PS in brief, as well as charity stuff and yearbook committee etc.

Your reading about the different languages should be the main bulk of your PS, talk about how you found those books, which did you prefer, what has it made you curious about etc.

Hi there

Generally speaking most of your personal statement should focus on things related to the subject, and showing your love for the subject.

It would be helpful, ideally, to make the decision about Chinese or Japanese before you finish drafting your personal statement, so that you can target your statement to the chosen language. But focus on things like your MOOCs, books you've read, shows you've watched – and don't just list them off but have something to say about them and what you took from them.

I agree that your non-subject extracurriculars, like yearbook committee, bake sales, LGBT+ work should go in the last paragraph, and don't have it take up too much more than the final quarter of your character count.

Hi!

Just to check what you mean by how I found the books, does that refer to my thoughts about the books or how I found which books to read? because I found them just from unifrog wider reading recommendations. Also does it matter that all the books were fiction but written by french authors? or is it still okay to put on my personal statement since it's still french literature ?

(blurbs taken from unifrog)

La nuit sacrée: "Ben Jelloun is the first Maghreb author to have received the Goncourt prize, and this magical realist depiction of post-colonial Morocco is the book that brought him widespread attention. The Sand Child tells the story of a Moroccan father's effort to thwart the consequences of Islam's inheritance laws regarding female offspring." - this could relate to the wider french-speaking world

Bonjour Tristesse: "Sagan wrote Bonjour Tristesse when she was just 18. The book follows 17-year-old Cecile as she discovers love, sex and heartbreak whilst spending the summer with her father and his mistress on the French Riviera." - this gives an insight to french youth culture i suppose?

L'écume des jours: "Froth on the Daydream is a cult novel in France which has several poetic and surrealist plot lines, including love stories, talking mice, and a man who ages years in a week. The main focus is on the wealthy young man Colin and the love of his life Chloe, who develops a water lily in her lung which can only be cured by being surrounded with fresh flowers." - i'm seeing on google that it's a modern classic in french literature ???

very sorry for the really long reply !!! i just wanted to check and get a second opinion on this!

Hi!

Just to check what you mean by how I found the books, does that refer to my thoughts about the books or how I found which books to read? because I found them just from unifrog wider reading recommendations. Also does it matter that all the books were fiction but written by french authors? or is it still okay to put on my personal statement since it's still french literature ?

(blurbs taken from unifrog)

very sorry for the really long reply !!! i just wanted to check and get a second opinion on this!

Yep, this is fine as a sort of thing to read as French literature. Make sure you are formulating your own thoughts about the books and not just repeating what you've read on Unifrog/Goodreads/wherever else though!

Also please don't post paragraphs from your personal statement on TSR. Personal statements are checked for plagiarism and if a big chunk appears on TSR then it will look like you've plagiarised it from there! (The principle of what you wrote is the sort of thing you want in the final or near-final paragraph though!)

Sorry that's my poor phrasing - I mean your reflections on what you have read.
In the case of French literature, definitely include it, but shape your reflections to be about how you found the experience of reading French literature - were you challenged? Did you enjoy this challenge? Were you surprised by how easy/hard/confusing it was? Those kind of reflections.

Do you see where I'm going?

Okay thank you for clarifying!! Also I was unaware about posting personal statement paragraphs, should it be fine if I edit the post and get rid of it? or should I change my actual draft paragraph?

I've edited the post to get rid of that paragraph. Please don't post drafts on the public forums again.

I can't give detailed feedback on your draft right now, but that is the sort of thing you should be talking about towards the end