What Is Wrong With Arranged Marriage?
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Original post by Dragon5555
Parents being overly involved? I think it comes down to a matter of respect. I don't mean a random person getting involved in helping you find someone- We're talking about people who should have been with you your whole life. They must know who you are right?
Beyond childhood? So you literally think its Western perspective that you block your parents out so early?
As for how arranged marriage can benefit me- I mentioned its to do with not removing any options because of assumptions people make. You can't lose much form telling your parents to give you suggestions. You can lose much from relying on yourself to find someone. I see so many threads on TSR about people being alone.... why don't they find someone in their same boat? It won't be love at first sight but if they got to know each other they might then want a relationship.
Your idea of it being for status is weird to me. I don't see how it our modern time people use it for status? That seems like a very very outdated reason to get married to someone. Even if it was a reason for some then I would somewhat oppose it. I was more concerned about how it is for us now.
This brings me to my other point about people basing their judgement of what arranged marriage is based on what it was YEARS ago.
You mention convenience- what is wrong with that if true love is eventually found as the two would agree that they want to be with each other.
Beyond childhood? So you literally think its Western perspective that you block your parents out so early?
As for how arranged marriage can benefit me- I mentioned its to do with not removing any options because of assumptions people make. You can't lose much form telling your parents to give you suggestions. You can lose much from relying on yourself to find someone. I see so many threads on TSR about people being alone.... why don't they find someone in their same boat? It won't be love at first sight but if they got to know each other they might then want a relationship.
Your idea of it being for status is weird to me. I don't see how it our modern time people use it for status? That seems like a very very outdated reason to get married to someone. Even if it was a reason for some then I would somewhat oppose it. I was more concerned about how it is for us now.
This brings me to my other point about people basing their judgement of what arranged marriage is based on what it was YEARS ago.
You mention convenience- what is wrong with that if true love is eventually found as the two would agree that they want to be with each other.
I wouldn’t block my parents out of my life. They will always be an important part of my life, but beyond childhood and teenage years, it is my own life, and they would agree. They no longer make decisions for me. When I become an adult, my parents change from my “parents” into my friends, if you get what I’m saying. They will always be there to support me and advise me if I really need it, but they no longer have a part in deciding what I do, and they don’t have any authority over my life. They wouldn’t suggest who I should marry any more than my friends or sister would. That’s not blocking them out. It’s becoming independent.
You’re parents are just people at the end of the day and there’s no reason why they will make the best decision for you. You say, effectively, get into a relationship and love/liking will follow, but there’s no reason why a you and a random person will be a good match. I know so many people who got into an arranged marriage and liked each other at first but now are unhappy and argue all the time because they aren’t well suited to each other. And yes, there are a lot of threads on TSR about being alone. It’s a student website, so most of us are young. There’s nothing wrong with being single at these ages.
Do you not want to marry for love?
That’s how it originated though. I’m just surprised it’s still happening now. But arranged marriages are usually similar - they pick someone they approve of, who is the same religion/race and who will provide financial security. Perhaps not status but it’s not for love which is what marriage is all about now. And how often is true love found by coincidence of your parents choosing?
If not for love, what is the point of marriage?
I’m not particularly against arranged marriages. I don’t agree they’re good for marriage or happiness particularly but I have no issue with them - people can do whatever they want with their life (distinguishing again between arranged and forced marriages - forced ones are not okay).
Original post by bfm.mcdermott
I wouldn’t block my parents out of my life. They will always be an important part of my life, but beyond childhood and teenage years, it is my own life, and they would agree. They no longer make decisions for me. When I become an adult, my parents change from my “parents” into my friends, if you get what I’m saying. They will always be there to support me and advise me if I really need it, but they no longer have a part in deciding what I do, and they don’t have any authority over my life. They wouldn’t suggest who I should marry any more than my friends or sister would. That’s not blocking them out. It’s becoming independent.
You’re parents are just people at the end of the day and there’s no reason why they will make the best decision for you. You say, effectively, get into a relationship and love/liking will follow, but there’s no reason why a you and a random person will be a good match. I know so many people who got into an arranged marriage and liked each other at first but now are unhappy and argue all the time because they aren’t well suited to each other. And yes, there are a lot of threads on TSR about being alone. It’s a student website, so most of us are young. There’s nothing wrong with being single at these ages.
Do you not want to marry for love?
That’s how it originated though. I’m just surprised it’s still happening now. But arranged marriages are usually similar - they pick someone they approve of, who is the same religion/race and who will provide financial security. Perhaps not status but it’s not for love which is what marriage is all about now. And how often is true love found by coincidence of your parents choosing?
If not for love, what is the point of marriage?
I’m not particularly against arranged marriages. I don’t agree they’re good for marriage or happiness particularly but I have no issue with them - people can do whatever they want with their life (distinguishing again between arranged and forced marriages - forced ones are not okay).
You’re parents are just people at the end of the day and there’s no reason why they will make the best decision for you. You say, effectively, get into a relationship and love/liking will follow, but there’s no reason why a you and a random person will be a good match. I know so many people who got into an arranged marriage and liked each other at first but now are unhappy and argue all the time because they aren’t well suited to each other. And yes, there are a lot of threads on TSR about being alone. It’s a student website, so most of us are young. There’s nothing wrong with being single at these ages.
Do you not want to marry for love?
That’s how it originated though. I’m just surprised it’s still happening now. But arranged marriages are usually similar - they pick someone they approve of, who is the same religion/race and who will provide financial security. Perhaps not status but it’s not for love which is what marriage is all about now. And how often is true love found by coincidence of your parents choosing?
If not for love, what is the point of marriage?
I’m not particularly against arranged marriages. I don’t agree they’re good for marriage or happiness particularly but I have no issue with them - people can do whatever they want with their life (distinguishing again between arranged and forced marriages - forced ones are not okay).
Alright you got me in a pickle. As an 18 year old I now can't decide whether to exclude arranged marriage or not. I think my parents would be supportive of whatever decision I make.
Nothing wrong with arranged marriages, IMO as long as they don't turn into a forced one.
There's quite a big difference between the two.
If the two going into an arranged marriage go with the right mindset, it works well. It's about getting to know your partner, falling in love after marriage, supporting each other, making it work. Just the same as love marriages, but the love should happen and should grow after the arranged marriage.
I'm personally not for love marriages, but that's my personal stance.
There's quite a big difference between the two.
If the two going into an arranged marriage go with the right mindset, it works well. It's about getting to know your partner, falling in love after marriage, supporting each other, making it work. Just the same as love marriages, but the love should happen and should grow after the arranged marriage.
I'm personally not for love marriages, but that's my personal stance.
falling in love after marriage? what kind of bs is that. So its okay if you dont know the person well enough to love them and you should only know them after marriage?
against love marriages? what?
against love marriages? what?
Original post by alevelshelpit
falling in love after marriage? what kind of bs is that. So its okay if you dont know the person well enough to love them and you should only know them after marriage?
against love marriages? what?
against love marriages? what?
To me, sure.
so arrange marriages are true love and you are against love marriages? your religion has truly brainwashed you i actually feel sorry for you
Original post by alevelshelpit
so arrange marriages are true love? your religion has truly brainwashed you i actually feel sorry for you
No. True love is true love...
why are you against love marriages?
so its okay to marry someone you dont know because you said you fall in love AFTER marriage? tell me how that works hun
so its okay to marry someone you dont know because you said you fall in love AFTER marriage? tell me how that works hun
If you can't see why - just 
No problem with arranged marriage.
My problem is when they're essentially forced, and/or the relationship turns abusive and they are unable to escape. (as we're particularly talking about traditional communities, this is often the female and wouldn't be uncommon at all)
So practice, I am probably against a lot of them.
My problem is when they're essentially forced, and/or the relationship turns abusive and they are unable to escape. (as we're particularly talking about traditional communities, this is often the female and wouldn't be uncommon at all)
So practice, I am probably against a lot of them.
Original post by alevelshelpit
why are you against love marriages?
so its okay to marry someone you dont know because you said you fall in love AFTER marriage? tell me how that works hun
so its okay to marry someone you dont know because you said you fall in love AFTER marriage? tell me how that works hun
Not against it for others, just for myself. I wouldn't be able to believe in 'love' before marriage seriously because in my culture it'd all be done secretly, there wouldn't be any meeting family etc, people wouldn't know about it, the guy/girl could take advantage and just use you, there would be no commitment really.
I'd say if it were love, you wouldn't want to keep the relationship secret, you'd be committed to each other, no hiding, and so you would be less wanting to just use the person etc etc
Don't think you read my first post properly. Or you did but couldn't understand it.
Culture can change
Original post by Jack22031994
Culture can change
Still a while until then though.
no sweetheart you are delusional and backwards.
love marriages are built on love and respect where as arranged marriages are built upon family values and honour. you need to understand the context when thinking about arranged marriages.
what do you mean believe "in love" before marriage? marriage is a paper you are acting like its going to make you fall in love. meh not surprised your culture has influenced this upon you and its sad
girl/guy using you lmao then clearly that guy or girl isn't respectful and mature enough. what does this have to do with love marriages? make sense girl
love marriages are built on love and respect where as arranged marriages are built upon family values and honour. you need to understand the context when thinking about arranged marriages.
what do you mean believe "in love" before marriage? marriage is a paper you are acting like its going to make you fall in love. meh not surprised your culture has influenced this upon you and its sad
girl/guy using you lmao then clearly that guy or girl isn't respectful and mature enough. what does this have to do with love marriages? make sense girl
Well yeah, doesn't change overnight but it never will if nobody ever pushes the boundaries, doing everything in secret and never being open about anything.
why don't you do what YOU want and stop being a victim of your culture?
My marriage was arranged, but definitely not forced. Six and a half years later I still want to kill him sometimes but I do love him and he loves me!
Original post by Anonymous
My marriage was arranged, but definitely not forced. Six and a half years later I still want to kill him sometimes but I do love him and he loves me!
I think thats universal tbf
I don't agree with arranged marriages but have five friends that opted for arranged marriages and remain happily married.
Two were followers of the Unification Church led by Reverend Moon, one is a scientologist, one jehovahs witness and one sikh.
I disagree with the origins, history and entire attitude that underpins arranged marriage in England.
I believe in people making their own friends & choosing their own partners, every individual's freedom to choose and adults taking personal responsibility for their own decisions.
My mother came from an ultra traditionalist catholic family, she wasn't allowed to talk to atheists, protestants or anybody her very religious and snobbish parents declared "godless", "low class" or otherwise "unsuitable".
By the time my mother was 21, her father had negotiated 3 arranged marriages for her with people he knew and broken them all off when he fell out with the parents.
Two of the 3 my mother had never even spoken to.
It sounds medieval and it was.
When my mother told her parents and paternal grandmother she was going to marry my father (an atheist) her father and grandmother almost beat her to death.
Ironically, my mother's parents did not have an arranged marriage- they met by chance in the British Library.
Two were followers of the Unification Church led by Reverend Moon, one is a scientologist, one jehovahs witness and one sikh.
I disagree with the origins, history and entire attitude that underpins arranged marriage in England.
I believe in people making their own friends & choosing their own partners, every individual's freedom to choose and adults taking personal responsibility for their own decisions.
My mother came from an ultra traditionalist catholic family, she wasn't allowed to talk to atheists, protestants or anybody her very religious and snobbish parents declared "godless", "low class" or otherwise "unsuitable".
By the time my mother was 21, her father had negotiated 3 arranged marriages for her with people he knew and broken them all off when he fell out with the parents.
Two of the 3 my mother had never even spoken to.
It sounds medieval and it was.
When my mother told her parents and paternal grandmother she was going to marry my father (an atheist) her father and grandmother almost beat her to death.
Ironically, my mother's parents did not have an arranged marriage- they met by chance in the British Library.
Original post by Dragon5555
Parents being overly involved? I think it comes down to a matter of respect. I don't mean a random person getting involved in helping you find someone- We're talking about people who should have been with you your whole life. They must know who you are right?
Beyond childhood? So you literally think its Western perspective that you block your parents out so early?
As for how arranged marriage can benefit me- I mentioned its to do with not removing any options because of assumptions people make. You can't lose much form telling your parents to give you suggestions. You can lose much from relying on yourself to find someone. I see so many threads on TSR about people being alone.... why don't they find someone in their same boat? It won't be love at first sight but if they got to know each other they might then want a relationship.
Your idea of it being for status is weird to me. I don't see how it our modern time people use it for status? That seems like a very very outdated reason to get married to someone. Even if it was a reason for some then I would somewhat oppose it. I was more concerned about how it is for us now.
This brings me to my other point about people basing their judgement of what arranged marriage is based on what it was YEARS ago.
You mention convenience- what is wrong with that if true love is eventually found as the two would agree that they want to be with each other.
Beyond childhood? So you literally think its Western perspective that you block your parents out so early?
As for how arranged marriage can benefit me- I mentioned its to do with not removing any options because of assumptions people make. You can't lose much form telling your parents to give you suggestions. You can lose much from relying on yourself to find someone. I see so many threads on TSR about people being alone.... why don't they find someone in their same boat? It won't be love at first sight but if they got to know each other they might then want a relationship.
Your idea of it being for status is weird to me. I don't see how it our modern time people use it for status? That seems like a very very outdated reason to get married to someone. Even if it was a reason for some then I would somewhat oppose it. I was more concerned about how it is for us now.
This brings me to my other point about people basing their judgement of what arranged marriage is based on what it was YEARS ago.
You mention convenience- what is wrong with that if true love is eventually found as the two would agree that they want to be with each other.
Original post by alevelshelpit
why don't you do what YOU want and stop being a victim of your culture?
I am?Quick Reply
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