Why do I do this to myself?
So I've been with my boyfriend since early Feb and I absolutely adore him. We're in a LDR since he's based abroad and travels for a months at a time for work, but when he's home we're always together (he comes over here, I go over there, we meet somewhere for a week away e.c.t e.c.t). The only thing is there's this guy that I see pretty much every day and I'm super attracted to him. I've never spoken to each other but we always catch each others eyes. I know it isn't cheating having a crush, but at the same time I feel unfaithful and guilty about it.
Advice? Thoughts?? Help???
Advice? Thoughts?? Help???
id rather have love than attraction after all attraction fades pretty quick truthfully i mean sure its okay to look at him by all means doesnt mean anything unless you make it mean something if your faithful and love your bf then you shouldnt have an issue truthfully think about what you want more ldr is about love and trust so youll decide what youll do really
The best way to break the spell is to talk to this attractive guy that you see every day. Then one of 2 things will happen:
1 you'll find that Mr Attractive is attractive physically, but under the skin he's not the man for you. This will help you to appreciate tha good aspects of your LDR boyfriend. Sometimes it helps freshen up a relationship to get a different perspective on it.
2 you'll find that Mr Attractive is the man for you under the skin. In which case you owe it to yourself to free your boyfriend to find love elsewhere whilst you pursue a new romance. There's no reason why you should put up with 2nd best.
I think outcome 1 is more likely. But you never know...
1 you'll find that Mr Attractive is attractive physically, but under the skin he's not the man for you. This will help you to appreciate tha good aspects of your LDR boyfriend. Sometimes it helps freshen up a relationship to get a different perspective on it.
2 you'll find that Mr Attractive is the man for you under the skin. In which case you owe it to yourself to free your boyfriend to find love elsewhere whilst you pursue a new romance. There's no reason why you should put up with 2nd best.
I think outcome 1 is more likely. But you never know...
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
The best way to break the spell is to talk to this attractive guy that you see every day. Then one of 2 things will happen:
1 you'll find that Mr Attractive is attractive physically, but under the skin he's not the man for you. This will help you to appreciate tha good aspects of your LDR boyfriend. Sometimes it helps freshen up a relationship to get a different perspective on it.
2 you'll find that Mr Attractive is the man for you under the skin. In which case you owe it to yourself to free your boyfriend to find love elsewhere whilst you pursue a new romance. There's no reason why you should put up with 2nd best.
I think outcome 1 is more likely. But you never know...
1 you'll find that Mr Attractive is attractive physically, but under the skin he's not the man for you. This will help you to appreciate tha good aspects of your LDR boyfriend. Sometimes it helps freshen up a relationship to get a different perspective on it.
2 you'll find that Mr Attractive is the man for you under the skin. In which case you owe it to yourself to free your boyfriend to find love elsewhere whilst you pursue a new romance. There's no reason why you should put up with 2nd best.
I think outcome 1 is more likely. But you never know...
I don't even know what I'd say to him tbh. We don't have any mutual friends or anything that I know of.
It can be hard being in an LDR, but if you have committed to being in one, please don't hurt your boyfriend by doing things like this. You might think that it can't hurt anyone, but imagine how you would feel if it were the other way round?
Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox
please don't hurt your boyfriend by doing things like this. You might think that it can't hurt anyone, but imagine how you would feel if it were the other way round?
Doing things like what though? I feel like it's natural to have crushes, and I don't mind too much when he points out celebrities or girls he finds attractive. I just don't know why it's affecting me so much, I've had this crush for coming up to a year and usually I lose interest after a month maximum but with this guy, every time he walks past or meets my eye I get so flustered. I adore my boyfriend, so why can't I get this guy out of my head?
Original post by Anonymous
Doing things like what though? I feel like it's natural to have crushes, and I don't mind too much when he points out celebrities or girls he finds attractive. I just don't know why it's affecting me so much, I've had this crush for coming up to a year and usually I lose interest after a month maximum but with this guy, every time he walks past or meets my eye I get so flustered. I adore my boyfriend, so why can't I get this guy out of my head?
If it was as harmless as you're making out, you wouldn't feel the need to ask advice about it, would you? You say you keep catching each other's eyes.. stop? It may be that you're looking for a bit of excitement, I do know it can be difficult in an LDR, but you really have to make the choice about whether you want to be in the LDR and be faithful to your boyfriend, or see what happens with this guy.
It's normal for partners to talk about people they find attractive - like in passing, or celebs like you said. Have you told your boyfriend about this guy? If not, why not if it's so harmless? There's a massive difference between finding a celeb attractive, who you will almost certainly never meet, and making daily eye contact with someone you find super attractive who you actually see on a more regular basis than your boyfriend.
You can't have it all ways, it's one or the other. I don't mean to sound harsh, but you run the risk of getting yourself into tricky situations if you don't put a stop to this now.
Original post by Anonymous
I don't even know what I'd say to him tbh. We don't have any mutual friends or anything that I know of.
You could try saying something like
"Hi, I've seen you around quite a lot and never introduced myself. I'm Anonymous#1... How are you today?"
It doesn't matter what you say. Just say something with a friendly, enthusiastic tone of voice and a smile on your face.
It doesn't matter one bit that you have no mutual friends.
If he's not interested in striking up a conversation with you, then he's just eye candy with nothing going on underneath.
You have nothing to lose by starting a conversation with him.
Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox
It can be hard being in an LDR, but if you have committed to being in one, please don't hurt your boyfriend by doing things like this. You might think that it can't hurt anyone, but imagine how you would feel if it were the other way round?
It wouldn't hurt me one bit if my romatic partner were to talk to people they found physically attractive with a view to determining if they'd be happier with them instead of me.
If they decided that they wanted to go off with them, that would hurt for a day or two, but it'd be for the best in the long term.
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
It wouldn't hurt me one bit if my romatic partner were to talk to people they found physically attractive with a view to determining if they'd be happier with them instead of me.
If they decided that they wanted to go off with them, that would hurt for a day or two, but it'd be for the best in the long term.
If they decided that they wanted to go off with them, that would hurt for a day or two, but it'd be for the best in the long term.
Yeah but the point I was making was that she should make her mind up.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- how do you motivate yourselves to keep studying?
- why do ppl do this?
- Accounting & Finance Offer Holders Thread
- should i communicate with him or distance myself
- Prefect application letter
- Am I a bad person, or what am I?
- let down at work
- Why am I like this?
- How can I be less of a people pleaser and more myself?
- i keep on procrastinating :(
- I wanna be who I want this year but how?
- Whats wrong with me?
- exam pro
- Change my outlook
- Can someone explain what is happening to me ?
- gained about 1stone from exam season. back to square 1 + sad
- is English lit a good a level if i want to study psychology at uni?
- Student Finance
- Advice for living situation in final year
- Why am I so hyper sexual around my bf? I always regret it after
Latest
Trending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
