Ex-teacher overstepping the boundaries?? Is this weird??
Hi guys, just wondering if I could have a few opinions please on a situation my friend has been going through. Not posting on my actual account as don’t want to be connected to them and then it’ll be obvious to some who it is!
“I left high school in June. I was the sort that got easily stressed out in exams and stuff particularly in the last six months of Year 11. My English teacher (in her 40s, female, family of her own etc) was loved by all students for being the cool teacher as she’d turn the novels we were studying into innuendos and mock the school system and stuff. She is renowned for great results and was on the leadership team at the school a few years prior. Anyway we were very alike in personality and we became ‘friends’ in a way, effectively at first it was just that she’d taken me under her wing so to speak. She’d email feedback on my work on her professional email address, but then in Jan of 2018 she started using her personal email address and discussing things that has nothing to do with school like her tea, kids, holiday, slating the school for poor management... etc. I was 16 at this point.
Prom came around and she met my family as they were taking photos of me and my friends. The teacher added my mum and my sister on Facebook which they just thought was friendly at the time. She’d asked me how I was on an email a few days later and then said she was sick of slow interaction, and gave me her number. She’d ring most nights and we’d sometimes be on the phone over 1 hour. Leavers hoodies arrived at my school ready for collection the week after, and she messaged my mum to tell her that she’d already snuck it in her bag to ‘save me the hassle’ from going back to school and she would drop it over at my house. Which she did - came over for a coffee the next week. At the end of the visit she gave me a book and a gemstone that she’d bought off her holiday that meant to have anti-worry properties. She then text me for at least an hour or two, EVERY night. I forgot to reply for a couple of days and she sent me a handwritten letter addressed to my house! This went on for 2 weeks before I told her I was having a break from technology just as not to feel rude!
I didn’t contact her since after speaking to my mum and agreeing that it was too intense and unusual. My mum and my best friend know all about the texts, the emails and how she’s been and they have told me I’m right to cut ties completely.
She sent me an email on results day on her professional account once more saying ‘congratulations’, nothing more. Still likes my family’s posts on Facebook, especially ones with me in them. She knows where I work as I told her when I got the job back in the summer. She specifically said ‘is it a Saturday job?’ to which I replied it was lots of weekends, but all days through the week really! I was working yesterday and she came into the shop with her 3 kids and was in a good 30/40 minutes and kept walking back in and out - it’s 10 miles from where she lives and there are two closer branches to her house. I tried to put it out my mind, focus on other things and give a wide birth and not engage with her as I felt awkward but I had no choice but to serve someone very close by her and just felt her staring at me the entire time, eyes on me constantly. I finished my shift not long after but left feeling very unsettled and weird. It’s been playing on my mind ever since because it’s over 6 MONTHS since I’ve last seen her in person.
Do you think this could be just trying to be friendly and I’ve interpreted it all wrong? Honest opinions on the entire thing and recommended courses of action would be so appreciated.”
“I left high school in June. I was the sort that got easily stressed out in exams and stuff particularly in the last six months of Year 11. My English teacher (in her 40s, female, family of her own etc) was loved by all students for being the cool teacher as she’d turn the novels we were studying into innuendos and mock the school system and stuff. She is renowned for great results and was on the leadership team at the school a few years prior. Anyway we were very alike in personality and we became ‘friends’ in a way, effectively at first it was just that she’d taken me under her wing so to speak. She’d email feedback on my work on her professional email address, but then in Jan of 2018 she started using her personal email address and discussing things that has nothing to do with school like her tea, kids, holiday, slating the school for poor management... etc. I was 16 at this point.
Prom came around and she met my family as they were taking photos of me and my friends. The teacher added my mum and my sister on Facebook which they just thought was friendly at the time. She’d asked me how I was on an email a few days later and then said she was sick of slow interaction, and gave me her number. She’d ring most nights and we’d sometimes be on the phone over 1 hour. Leavers hoodies arrived at my school ready for collection the week after, and she messaged my mum to tell her that she’d already snuck it in her bag to ‘save me the hassle’ from going back to school and she would drop it over at my house. Which she did - came over for a coffee the next week. At the end of the visit she gave me a book and a gemstone that she’d bought off her holiday that meant to have anti-worry properties. She then text me for at least an hour or two, EVERY night. I forgot to reply for a couple of days and she sent me a handwritten letter addressed to my house! This went on for 2 weeks before I told her I was having a break from technology just as not to feel rude!
I didn’t contact her since after speaking to my mum and agreeing that it was too intense and unusual. My mum and my best friend know all about the texts, the emails and how she’s been and they have told me I’m right to cut ties completely.
She sent me an email on results day on her professional account once more saying ‘congratulations’, nothing more. Still likes my family’s posts on Facebook, especially ones with me in them. She knows where I work as I told her when I got the job back in the summer. She specifically said ‘is it a Saturday job?’ to which I replied it was lots of weekends, but all days through the week really! I was working yesterday and she came into the shop with her 3 kids and was in a good 30/40 minutes and kept walking back in and out - it’s 10 miles from where she lives and there are two closer branches to her house. I tried to put it out my mind, focus on other things and give a wide birth and not engage with her as I felt awkward but I had no choice but to serve someone very close by her and just felt her staring at me the entire time, eyes on me constantly. I finished my shift not long after but left feeling very unsettled and weird. It’s been playing on my mind ever since because it’s over 6 MONTHS since I’ve last seen her in person.
Do you think this could be just trying to be friendly and I’ve interpreted it all wrong? Honest opinions on the entire thing and recommended courses of action would be so appreciated.”
Whether or not she’s just trying to be friendly, she’s making you feel uncomfortable she needs to stop. Luckily your mum also knows her so she can tell her to **** off if necessary
Talk to your parents, but you should go to the police IMHO. I'm a retired teacher and what you've written makes me think she is a potential danger - you maybe ok but there will be others.
Thank you for your fast replies, I agree and I’ve told my friend this too! She’s logging in on my account now so she can follow people’s advice 
Original post by Anonymous
Hi guys, just wondering if I could have a few opinions please on a situation my friend has been going through. Not posting on my actual account as don’t want to be connected to them and then it’ll be obvious to some who it is!
“I left high school in June. I was the sort that got easily stressed out in exams and stuff particularly in the last six months of Year 11. My English teacher (in her 40s, female, family of her own etc) was loved by all students for being the cool teacher as she’d turn the novels we were studying into innuendos and mock the school system and stuff. She is renowned for great results and was on the leadership team at the school a few years prior. Anyway we were very alike in personality and we became ‘friends’ in a way, effectively at first it was just that she’d taken me under her wing so to speak. She’d email feedback on my work on her professional email address, but then in Jan of 2018 she started using her personal email address and discussing things that has nothing to do with school like her tea, kids, holiday, slating the school for poor management... etc. I was 16 at this point.
Prom came around and she met my family as they were taking photos of me and my friends. The teacher added my mum and my sister on Facebook which they just thought was friendly at the time. She’d asked me how I was on an email a few days later and then said she was sick of slow interaction, and gave me her number. She’d ring most nights and we’d sometimes be on the phone over 1 hour. Leavers hoodies arrived at my school ready for collection the week after, and she messaged my mum to tell her that she’d already snuck it in her bag to ‘save me the hassle’ from going back to school and she would drop it over at my house. Which she did - came over for a coffee the next week. At the end of the visit she gave me a book and a gemstone that she’d bought off her holiday that meant to have anti-worry properties. She then text me for at least an hour or two, EVERY night. I forgot to reply for a couple of days and she sent me a handwritten letter addressed to my house! This went on for 2 weeks before I told her I was having a break from technology just as not to feel rude!
I didn’t contact her since after speaking to my mum and agreeing that it was too intense and unusual. My mum and my best friend know all about the texts, the emails and how she’s been and they have told me I’m right to cut ties completely.
She sent me an email on results day on her professional account once more saying ‘congratulations’, nothing more. Still likes my family’s posts on Facebook, especially ones with me in them. She knows where I work as I told her when I got the job back in the summer. She specifically said ‘is it a Saturday job?’ to which I replied it was lots of weekends, but all days through the week really! I was working yesterday and she came into the shop with her 3 kids and was in a good 30/40 minutes and kept walking back in and out - it’s 10 miles from where she lives and there are two closer branches to her house. I tried to put it out my mind, focus on other things and give a wide birth and not engage with her as I felt awkward but I had no choice but to serve someone very close by her and just felt her staring at me the entire time, eyes on me constantly. I finished my shift not long after but left feeling very unsettled and weird. It’s been playing on my mind ever since because it’s over 6 MONTHS since I’ve last seen her in person.
Do you think this could be just trying to be friendly and I’ve interpreted it all wrong? Honest opinions on the entire thing and recommended courses of action would be so appreciated.”
“I left high school in June. I was the sort that got easily stressed out in exams and stuff particularly in the last six months of Year 11. My English teacher (in her 40s, female, family of her own etc) was loved by all students for being the cool teacher as she’d turn the novels we were studying into innuendos and mock the school system and stuff. She is renowned for great results and was on the leadership team at the school a few years prior. Anyway we were very alike in personality and we became ‘friends’ in a way, effectively at first it was just that she’d taken me under her wing so to speak. She’d email feedback on my work on her professional email address, but then in Jan of 2018 she started using her personal email address and discussing things that has nothing to do with school like her tea, kids, holiday, slating the school for poor management... etc. I was 16 at this point.
Prom came around and she met my family as they were taking photos of me and my friends. The teacher added my mum and my sister on Facebook which they just thought was friendly at the time. She’d asked me how I was on an email a few days later and then said she was sick of slow interaction, and gave me her number. She’d ring most nights and we’d sometimes be on the phone over 1 hour. Leavers hoodies arrived at my school ready for collection the week after, and she messaged my mum to tell her that she’d already snuck it in her bag to ‘save me the hassle’ from going back to school and she would drop it over at my house. Which she did - came over for a coffee the next week. At the end of the visit she gave me a book and a gemstone that she’d bought off her holiday that meant to have anti-worry properties. She then text me for at least an hour or two, EVERY night. I forgot to reply for a couple of days and she sent me a handwritten letter addressed to my house! This went on for 2 weeks before I told her I was having a break from technology just as not to feel rude!
I didn’t contact her since after speaking to my mum and agreeing that it was too intense and unusual. My mum and my best friend know all about the texts, the emails and how she’s been and they have told me I’m right to cut ties completely.
She sent me an email on results day on her professional account once more saying ‘congratulations’, nothing more. Still likes my family’s posts on Facebook, especially ones with me in them. She knows where I work as I told her when I got the job back in the summer. She specifically said ‘is it a Saturday job?’ to which I replied it was lots of weekends, but all days through the week really! I was working yesterday and she came into the shop with her 3 kids and was in a good 30/40 minutes and kept walking back in and out - it’s 10 miles from where she lives and there are two closer branches to her house. I tried to put it out my mind, focus on other things and give a wide birth and not engage with her as I felt awkward but I had no choice but to serve someone very close by her and just felt her staring at me the entire time, eyes on me constantly. I finished my shift not long after but left feeling very unsettled and weird. It’s been playing on my mind ever since because it’s over 6 MONTHS since I’ve last seen her in person.
Do you think this could be just trying to be friendly and I’ve interpreted it all wrong? Honest opinions on the entire thing and recommended courses of action would be so appreciated.”
Putting it mildly, she seems a tad obsessed with you. It’s good that your Mum is aware of the situation and also your friend for backup if it all goes tits up.
Block on FB to start with and see if she gets the message.
You can’t stop her from coming into the shop, but the scenario is dodgy. Avoid her if she comes into the shop again - loo break - anything so you don’t have to engage with her.
If she becomes persistent, worst case scenario, look for another job.
It does seem a bit weird.
Theres a difference between being professional- (i.e. taking someone under your wing, helping with school work especially if you are struggling etc or supporting you if you had stuff going on outside of school etc) and constantly texting, ringing, being in contact with your parents on facebook, coming to your place of work etc.
Id contact the teacher (via email, text etc) to ask her politely to leave you alone. Or if you dont feel up to it, speak to the school.
Theres a difference between being professional- (i.e. taking someone under your wing, helping with school work especially if you are struggling etc or supporting you if you had stuff going on outside of school etc) and constantly texting, ringing, being in contact with your parents on facebook, coming to your place of work etc.
Id contact the teacher (via email, text etc) to ask her politely to leave you alone. Or if you dont feel up to it, speak to the school.
So far you're handling the situation well and appropriately; you've informed your mum and you haven't moved in any direction you can't come back from. There's a chance you might be reading too much into it, but you could also be right. Since it has been 6 months since you last saw her, I'd hold off any concerns for now. One way you could have handled it is by positive confrontation, for example teasingly asking her "Ms X, if I didn't know better I'd think you're stalking me". That is gentle enough not to embarass any of you while direct enough to necessitate a response
Just a quick teacher-based reply (my wife is 'safeguarding' trained BTW).
This teacher has broken every rule that's there to protect children. It is important that she is prevented from harming young people. If she is prepared to do this to one student, she is likely to do the same to others. Do not leave your job - you are the victim to an adult's grooming. Please go with your parent(s) to the school headteacher. This is a really serious offence the teacher has done (based non your statement). Please protect other young people by reporting this.
This teacher has broken every rule that's there to protect children. It is important that she is prevented from harming young people. If she is prepared to do this to one student, she is likely to do the same to others. Do not leave your job - you are the victim to an adult's grooming. Please go with your parent(s) to the school headteacher. This is a really serious offence the teacher has done (based non your statement). Please protect other young people by reporting this.
Just a quick teacher-based reply (my wife is 'safeguarding' trained BTW).
This teacher has broken every rule that's there to protect children. It is important that she is prevented from harming young people. If she is prepared to do this to one student, she is likely to do the same to others. Do not leave your job - you are the victim to an adult's grooming. Please go with your parent(s) to the school headteacher. This is a really serious offence the teacher has done (based on your statement). Please protect other young people by reporting this.
This teacher has broken every rule that's there to protect children. It is important that she is prevented from harming young people. If she is prepared to do this to one student, she is likely to do the same to others. Do not leave your job - you are the victim to an adult's grooming. Please go with your parent(s) to the school headteacher. This is a really serious offence the teacher has done (based on your statement). Please protect other young people by reporting this.
Thanks guys, she’s not upset by it and it has nothing to do with work, simply it just brought back a memory and she thought it was a little strange. Nothing serious has happened between them and having known them both, I think it was just an odd attempt at a friendship. But it’s her motive that seems stranger and stranger as time goes by!
Original post by Maven Writers
So far you're handling the situation well and appropriately; you've informed your mum and you haven't moved in any direction you can't come back from. There's a chance you might be reading too much into it, but you could also be right. Since it has been 6 months since you last saw her, I'd hold off any concerns for now. One way you could have handled it is by positive confrontation, for example teasingly asking her "Ms X, if I didn't know better I'd think you're stalking me". That is gentle enough not to embarass any of you while direct enough to necessitate a response
Thats a good idea actually.
Original post by Emma:-)
Thats a good idea actually.
Most of mine usually are
Original post by Maven Writers
Most of mine usually are
Ill come to you if i want any good ideas then.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Is my teacher overstepping boundaries?
- An ex student reaching out to an old teacher
- Y12 end of years and Y13 predictions
- She goes after the guys I'm interested in?
- my supervisor for project nor helping me... what shall i do
- guy help
- what should i do about him? eek
- Is emailing an old teacher weird?
- Girlfriend made my facebook account?
- AQA A-Level Physics grade boundaries 2023
- Friendships with ex-teachers
- How to tell if a guy is a virgin?
- teacher/student boundaries
- Sixth Form or College? Which ones better?
- Law essay competition feedback?
- If it ok that I feel that my maths teacher is a father figure?
- Valentine's with a friend
- Relationship issues
- would it be weird to give my ex teacher a gift now
- Insecurities
Latest
Trending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 5 days ago
I tried to apply to Disabled Student’s Allowance but…Last reply 1 week ago
For harrasment does someone get a warning first or no warningLast reply 1 week ago
Rutherford Appleton Laboratory Work Experience - ACCOMODATION (harwell campus)Last reply 1 week ago
I think I’m decently pretty but I don’t get asked out …Last reply 3 weeks ago
Please help I accidentally ran a red and am terrifiedTrending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 5 days ago
I tried to apply to Disabled Student’s Allowance but…Last reply 1 week ago
For harrasment does someone get a warning first or no warningLast reply 1 week ago
Rutherford Appleton Laboratory Work Experience - ACCOMODATION (harwell campus)Last reply 1 week ago
I think I’m decently pretty but I don’t get asked out …Last reply 3 weeks ago
Please help I accidentally ran a red and am terrified
