She cancelled 15 mins before second date due to emergency - why do I have doubts?
So I was due to meet someone for a second date tonight and 15mins before when we were due to meetup she sends me a WhatsApp saying she has just had a call from her friend saying that her friends mum has passed away suddenly. As a result she said she had to go see her friend and she wasn't in the right frame of mind. I want to believe her and offered to be there to talk if she needed it. But due to my anxiety this voice in the back of my head keeps cropping up saying that this was her coming up with this to get out of tonight.
What do I do in this instance?
What do I do in this instance?
So I had messaged her after she had let me know to say I was there if she needed to talk and to give her space. Haven’t heard back since then and she has read the message. Do I follow up later today to ask how she is doing and whether she wants to meet for a coffee and chat or wait for her to reply and get back to me? Just worried we can drift as a result of this.
Original post by Anonymous
So I was due to meet someone for a second date tonight and 15mins before when we were due to meetup she sends me a WhatsApp saying she has just had a call from her friend saying that her friends mum has passed away suddenly. As a result she said she had to go see her friend and she wasn't in the right frame of mind. I want to believe her and offered to be there to talk if she needed it. But due to my anxiety this voice in the back of my head keeps cropping up saying that this was her coming up with this to get out of tonight.
What do I do in this instance?
What do I do in this instance?
Take her at face value and don't be so paranoid. Send her a message this afternoon/evening and ask if she's OK, and how her friend's doing.
I would wait a couple of days.
What's happened is pretty big, and going on the date will be the last thing she's thinking about.
Message her in a couple of days to see how's shes feeling
What's happened is pretty big, and going on the date will be the last thing she's thinking about.
Message her in a couple of days to see how's shes feeling
Original post by Anonymous
So I had messaged her after she had let me know to say I was there if she needed to talk and to give her space. Haven’t heard back since then and she has read the message. Do I follow up later today to ask how she is doing and whether she wants to meet for a coffee and chat or wait for her to reply and get back to me? Just worried we can drift as a result of this.
No, she's told you she's dealing with something, don't try and crowd in. Maybe follow it up in a WEEK. not a few hours.
I don’t think she’d agree to a second date in the first place unless she wanted one
Original post by Anonymous
So I had messaged her after she had let me know to say I was there if she needed to talk and to give her space. Haven’t heard back since then and she has read the message. Do I follow up later today to ask how she is doing and whether she wants to meet for a coffee and chat or wait for her to reply and get back to me? Just worried we can drift as a result of this.
What you said didn't require a response. Her lack of reply means she doesn't want to discuss this with you (right now). Don't message her. You said you'd give her space so you would be going back on your word to message her so soon.
Give her space. If it's meant to be; it's meant to be.
If I was genuinely upset at the death of a friend's parent and someone I didn't know that well was bugging me about a date, I'd really not think highly of them.
If she made it up then bugging her about a date will not make a difference - also if someone made it up such an excuse, it would be a red flag for me and a reason I wouldn't want to date them.
Go for a walk. Feel good about yourself.
If I was genuinely upset at the death of a friend's parent and someone I didn't know that well was bugging me about a date, I'd really not think highly of them.
If she made it up then bugging her about a date will not make a difference - also if someone made it up such an excuse, it would be a red flag for me and a reason I wouldn't want to date them.
Go for a walk. Feel good about yourself.
(edited 5 years ago)
Sounds like a rubbish excuse mate. I'd take her at face value but her mom's friend? If it were her mother I'd understand completely but she should at least have responded or something. Idk I hold people to quite high standards, and mom's friend doesn't quite cut it to me.
You e got no idea of the relationship between the date and the friends mother. They may be close.
It’s pretty extreme as an excuse so take it at face value for now. And if it turns out to be a lie you don’t want to be with someone like that anyway
It’s pretty extreme as an excuse so take it at face value for now. And if it turns out to be a lie you don’t want to be with someone like that anyway
Original post by tashkent46
Sounds like a rubbish excuse mate. I'd take her at face value but her mom's friend? If it were her mother I'd understand completely but she should at least have responded or something. Idk I hold people to quite high standards, and mom's friend doesn't quite cut it to me.
Original post by Anonymous
So I was due to meet someone for a second date tonight and 15mins before when we were due to meetup she sends me a WhatsApp saying she has just had a call from her friend saying that her friends mum has passed away suddenly. As a result she said she had to go see her friend and she wasn't in the right frame of mind. I want to believe her and offered to be there to talk if she needed it. But due to my anxiety this voice in the back of my head keeps cropping up saying that this was her coming up with this to get out of tonight.
What do I do in this instance?
What do I do in this instance?
Hopefully she is being genuine but my daughter had done some Tinder dating (lol) and she has had a couple of people go flaky on her at the last minute. So be prepared for the fact that it might have been an excuse but that's on them not you if they can't even be honest about their true reason for not going ahead with the second date.
I wouldn't do anything - you have given a polite response and now the ball's in her court to get back in contact with you if she wants to rearrange
Original post by Sammylou40
You e got no idea of the relationship between the date and the friends mother. They may be close.
It’s pretty extreme as an excuse so take it at face value for now. And if it turns out to be a lie you don’t want to be with someone like that anyway
It’s pretty extreme as an excuse so take it at face value for now. And if it turns out to be a lie you don’t want to be with someone like that anyway
Yeah true but it's the typical my grandma died excuse I'm sorry but it's just cliche and thinking about my own life my mother's friends have no relevance to me really especially none that would compel me to such emotion. Depends on the circumstances but bet she flaked on OP.
I'd sob like a child and be on the next bus if my friend's mother died.
Original post by tashkent46
Yeah true but it's the typical my grandma died excuse I'm sorry but it's just cliche and thinking about my own life my mother's friends have no relevance to me really especially none that would compel me to such emotion. Depends on the circumstances but bet she flaked on OP.
You seem to completely miss the possibility that maybe she is comforting her friend over the loss of her mum?
Some people's friends' parents can be like surrogate parents to them. Give it at least a week tbh. Somebody you've been on one date with, at the end of the day, means nothing to you compared to a good friend, so even if she blue-ticked your message or whatever, she likely just doesn't have even the slightest bit of head-space to dedicate here. The more pushy you are, the less likely you'll get another date. Good luck anyway!
Original post by StriderHort
You seem to completely miss the possibility that maybe she is comforting her friend over the loss of her mum?
And that requires 24/7 care?
I didn't consider that to be honest but that's not what she said. She said mom's friend.
**** I misread I'm dumb lol sorry
I think it's healthier to wait a bit longer before trying to read into things too much.
I'd like to point out it's their 'friend's mother', not 'mother's friend'. So it's a lot stronger than what you're suggesting. Having said that, it still could be an excuse. Likelier if there's a good reason why this girl would so desperately want to avoid the date.
Original post by tashkent46
Sounds like a rubbish excuse mate. I'd take her at face value but her mom's friend? If it were her mother I'd understand completely but she should at least have responded or something. Idk I hold people to quite high standards, and mom's friend doesn't quite cut it to me.
I'd like to point out it's their 'friend's mother', not 'mother's friend'. So it's a lot stronger than what you're suggesting. Having said that, it still could be an excuse. Likelier if there's a good reason why this girl would so desperately want to avoid the date.
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