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My Mum's an Alcoholic in denial and it has destroyed our relationship.

I had a rocky relationship growing up with my mum. On most nights she would have three or more glasses of wine or whisky and begin acting bitter and emotional. My parents are separated and she would begin ****ging off my dad's side of the family, or she would tell me about killing herself and begin crying - you get the jist of it.

When I was 13 I ran away from home to live with my dad when my mum had a few drinks and began saying that my dad's side of the family were filthy and rough and when I told her to stop, she starting hitting me. When I was 15 she abandoned me and went to live in France but I occasionally visit her.

A few days ago on one of my visits, we went for a meal together in a village about 40 minutes away. My mum got absolutely wasted and fell over the table, skirt flying up and everything. She could barely understand anything I said and just replied with irrelevant slurs. Most of the conversation revolved around her making fun of how short the other men were in the room. She was meant to be driving me home.

I tried to stop her from drinking more but she snatched the glass from me and downed it. I ended up walking off as angry as I could be only for her to call me an hour and a half later saying we needed to go home. I had never been so terrified in a car, she was swerving and at one point drove on the wrong side of the road. We were going down country lanes at 50mph in complete darkness and narrowly avoiding other cars.

My mum never apologised and refused to acknowledge this for the next few days. Last night she was angry at me because I ate some food in the fridge I didn't realise she was saving and after a little bicker, proceeded to call me a nasty and horrible son. I lost my **** and confronted her about the drink driving situation and the many others I have had to live with all my life. She refused to accept any of it and called me a liar saying i'm no son of hers and to get out of her house. In a fit of rage I carved Alcoholic into her table with a knife and packed my bags and left to come back to England 2 days early.

I feel awful about the whole thing and for some reason extremely guilty. I don't know what to do, I just want a normal relationship with my mum but this has pushed me too far and I don't want to see her again. Any advice on what I should do moving forward?

Reply 1

Bio 7

Alcoholic mums either stay drunk or die from a lack or it, in my experience. I can't offer much advice as my experience was improved when she was kicked out and eventually died.

I'm surprised you even got into the car, seems needlessly risky.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

I agree with Bio 7. My mum is an alcoholic and she has never really taken responsibility for anything. She’s incredibly manipulative and has played the victim at every turn.

I tried to receive ‘closure’ but I don’t think such a thing really exists. You have to make peace with the situation in your own head. She will try to make you feel guilty because it absolves her of responsibility, but don’t fall for her manipulative BS. My mum has told so many lies that she doesn’t know the truth any more. Distance yourself from her as much as you can and create your own family with a relationship and friends.

YOU have the power to move on and create a life for yourself. Don’t let her suck you back because you can’t help her and she’ll only drag you down. You are the priority.