Being left out

Okay so I have friends but I don’t have close friends. I rarely message people as I feel like I’m not close enough to have that sort of interaction out of school. I message some friends but am always initiating the conversation and I also have a boyfriend (he is the biggest exception to this- I message him everyday on Sc) but no one else messages me and so I stop making an effort. It’s annoying though because even the most introverted people I know get talking to others as I notice their snap score go up. Mine only ever budges every 3 weeks or so and even shy people like my bf have other people talking to him. No one puts me in group chats- not even the year group one and as a result I am left out of parties and am the last to here about anything as I am not involved. There is only about two people I actually speak to frequently and by frequently I mean like once a week. I don’t understand why I’m so separate from the year group. I don’t know if no one is interested or if it’s because I don’t make an effort. I would like to be able to just message people I’m aquatinted with in school but I know it would be one sided and no one would ever return it. Any advice on what to do? I would like to be more included and for people to actually get to know me. I want to be added to these group chats and made aware of stuff. Two weeks ago my BF went to a party along with the whole year group and then the next day asked why I wasn’t there and it was purely because no one had told me. Not deliberately excluding me, just no one ever thinks to tell me. I am ashamed to admit I cried as I looked through all the sc and instagram stories as I felt isolated and left out. It’s ridiculous but it feels terrible to have no one want to talk to you. It’s not personal I know, but I don’t know where I went wrong. Am I isolating myself by not making an effort or what? I’m too anxious to start a conversation with a lot of people. Any advice?

hi there, its sometimes ok to not get involved in too many things, as i have learnt. but if you feel like you are always getting left out, just try to go and confidently talk to people, try getting involved in group discussions wheather that be school related or not. most of all, try and act positively in everything you do as this will not only have a positive effect on others, but on yourself too. 😊

For people to want to chat to you they have to know you are available, amenable and that you are worth chatting to.
You appear to have made yourself a deserved reputation of someone with poor social skills who makes no effort and so is unknown to most or you have managed to gain yourself a reputation of someone who doesnt make an effort or is unsociable.

If you want friends then you have to be friends material. Would you want to be a friend with someone who makes no effort?

Try these. the second hand copies will do.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Teenage-Guide-Friends-Nicola-Morgan-ebook/dp/B06XGSC6V6/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=self+esteem+books+for+teenagers+friends&qid=1561598425&s=digital-text&sr=1-4

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Friends-Influence-People-Teen-Girls-ebook/dp/B00ALYPGF4/ref=pd_sim_351_32?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B00ALYPGF4&pd_rd_r=c39c5d6c-9879-11e9-a4e0-3f89adf944de&pd_rd_w=7LT8L&pd_rd_wg=io6XJ&pf_rd_p=9c4789d7-54ef-4061-8cd4-2e0673b004a7&pf_rd_r=CMGCPYA0F8NGAADZ0ZQX&psc=1&refRID=CMGCPYA0F8NGAADZ0ZQX

You’re completely right. I do talk to people but never really hold a conversation or take an interest just because I’m worried that people will be like “why is this girl talking to me? I’ve never spoken to her before” even though I know no one ever thinks that. It’s just me being paranoid. I have to overcome that anxiety and talk to people.



Thanks as well. I feel I have made that reputation. It’s just a case of overcoming that now. I need to stop being so nervous and socially anxious and just say what the heck and talk to people. Also I appreciate the book references but don’t think they are completely necessary. This is something to figure out myself and I’m not gonna learn it from a book.

Thats fine but I think you underestimate your situation and overestimate your ability to get out of it.

I feel like I'm being left out too honestly 🤷*♀️ I blame the lack of diversity in my city as well within the university. I am the only person of colour on my course..I don't have any friends whatsoever. I don't know if the others in my course just don't want to be friends with me or something or they have some hidden agenda against my group of people.
But I don't have any friends everyone around me is a acquaintance. It's even a struggle when the teacher says to get into groups or find a pair to work with, when everyone else already has their people to work with and your sitting there practically lost..

Maybe but I have to at least try. It’s not case of making it better in a day. It’s a long slow process that will be filled with ups and downs. I have to just take the first step.