no friends at all in uni, will 2nd and 3rd year change? Watch

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#1
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I have been vocal about my experiences at uni on here.
I absolutely have no friends at my uni, I don't understand why. I'm a friendly and sociable person, I talk to people around me and all but I just haven't met my group of people yet and It's really getting to me because I'm literally so lonely here.

First year of uni is completed and I finished with a acquaintance hanging by a thread - she lives very far and she is a mother of one. Our only sort of communication happens when we are at uni, even though I have her number/social media's I have never messaged her first and she hasn't done the same either. When we were in uni I did mention some of the things we could possibly do, like going shopping or the cinema together. Those plans never happened even though she agreed to do it. I gave up with trying todo things with her, felt like they'd be an barrier in between bc she's a young mother who has a daughter, and obviously would want to spend time with her daughter than go shopping etc...

I'm currently on summer break and I have been since May when our exams were finished. I'm honestly so bored and lonely the definition of boredom and loneliness is literally my life right now! I have nothing todo, no one to talk to. I have family in this city so I am living with them, and my family have their own commitments to attend to. I spend most of time alone because I have no where else to go. I keep in contact with my friends from college and all but it's not the same they also have other plans todo as well.

There is so much things I would love todo in this city but I don't have anyone todo it with would love to go to those golf yards, festivals and much more with people but it's so sad bc I have no one around

I am applying for jobs and have also signed up for Bumble BFF..

Will my second and third years at uni change? I feel like crying bc of how miserable my uni experience is

I plan to join more societies when we return to give me hope
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Pathway
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You probably don't have friends because you're not making the first move. Like, sometimes you have to do that, you have to put effort in. Your acquaintance, what's stopping you from messaging her?
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(Original post by Pathway)
You probably don't have friends because you're not making the first move. Like, sometimes you have to do that, you have to put effort in. Your acquaintance, what's stopping you from messaging her?
I've been making the move so many times. I didn't mention in the post but I had another friend where we got on extremely well bc of similar interests and all. I was the one planning all these activities we could do but she never got back to me about it, she would act like it was never discussed. So I stopped asking her about any plans I had in mind bc I knew it wasn't going to happen. Bc i realised how flaky and unreliable she was, and I just couldn't take it anymore. She left the uni in February, even though she had left i still managed to get in contact and plan stuff for us todo (as well when she was in uni) but I never happen so I gave up on her. I haven't seen her at all since she left uni. She doesn't seem to make the effort anyway so why should I bother.

With the acquaintance I just feel our interaction with each other isn't meant to be. There is no connection, she is a shy and reserved person whereas I am an extrovert person who loves to engage in conversations and she sits back and listens to other people talk. I don't want that kind of friendship, she doesn't even try to initiate contact with me when we are at uni, I am the one asking the questions you know, getting the conversation started and it's just annoying like are you just hanging around me for convenience or something. Idk where our interaction is going even though it was nice of her to gift me a card and some money for my birthday..... and the only thing that I think is stopping me from messaging her is that she would rather spend time with her daughter than go out with me.
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Pathway
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(Original post by commentsection)
I've been making the move so many times. I didn't mention in the post but I had another friend where we got on extremely well bc of similar interests and all. I was the one planning all these activities we could do but she never got back to me about it, she would act like it was never discussed. So I stopped asking her about any plans I had in mind bc I knew it wasn't going to happen. Bc i realised how flaky and unreliable she was, and I just couldn't take it anymore. She left the uni in February, even though she had left i still managed to get in contact and plan stuff for us todo (as well when she was in uni) but I never happen so I gave up on her. I haven't seen her at all since she left uni. She doesn't seem to make the effort anyway so why should I bother.

With the acquaintance I just feel our interaction with each other isn't meant to be. There is no connection, she is a shy and reserved person whereas I am an extrovert person who loves to engage in conversations and she sits back and listens to other people talk. I don't want that kind of friendship, she doesn't even try to initiate contact with me when we are at uni, I am the one asking the questions you know, getting the conversation started and it's just annoying like are you just hanging around me for convenience or something. Idk where our interaction is going even though it was nice of her to gift me a card and some money for my birthday..... and the only thing that I think is stopping me from messaging her is that she would rather spend time with her daughter than go out with me.
I guess you need to keep talking to people. Go to places alone (like the festivals) and speak to people, etc. Join societies, if you work then talk to people in your job. etc.

The bit in bold is weird, because like. It's her child, what do you expect? Lots of my old friends from school focus more on their children than on their friends, their kids are higher in their list of priorities. That's just how it is. I'd find it strange if their kids weren't the top priority. Friendships are different when you're an adult, they're not as convenient, you have to put a lot of work in, this might mean going out of your comfort zone and going to things alone and striking up conversations with people.

Might even be worth talking to friends from college more often, not just to meet up, just to talk. Then inevitably you will meet up with them etc.
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Xarao
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The real question is, are you going to change?
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s.aureus
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(Original post by commentsection)
I have been vocal about my experiences at uni on here.
I absolutely have no friends at my uni, I don't understand why. I'm a friendly and sociable person, I talk to people around me and all but I just haven't met my group of people yet and It's really getting to me because I'm literally so lonely here.

First year of uni is completed and I finished with a acquaintance hanging by a thread - she lives very far and she is a mother of one. Our only sort of communication happens when we are at uni, even though I have her number/social media's I have never messaged her first and she hasn't done the same either. When we were in uni I did mention some of the things we could possibly do, like going shopping or the cinema together. Those plans never happened even though she agreed to do it. I gave up with trying todo things with her, felt like they'd be an barrier in between bc she's a young mother who has a daughter, and obviously would want to spend time with her daughter than go shopping etc...

I'm currently on summer break and I have been since May when our exams were finished. I'm honestly so bored and lonely the definition of boredom and loneliness is literally my life right now! I have nothing todo, no one to talk to. I have family in this city so I am living with them, and my family have their own commitments to attend to. I spend most of time alone because I have no where else to go. I keep in contact with my friends from college and all but it's not the same they also have other plans todo as well.

There is so much things I would love todo in this city but I don't have anyone todo it with would love to go to those golf yards, festivals and much more with people but it's so sad bc I have no one around

I am applying for jobs and have also signed up for Bumble BFF..

Will my second and third years at uni change? I feel like crying bc of how miserable my uni experience is

I plan to join more societies when we return to give me hope
I think weve talked before, but i feel the same
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commentsection
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(Original post by Pathway)
I guess you need to keep talking to people. Go to places alone (like the festivals) and speak to people, etc. Join societies, if you work then talk to people in your job. etc.

The bit in bold is weird, because like. It's her child, what do you expect? Lots of my old friends from school focus more on their children than on their friends, their kids are higher in their list of priorities. That's just how it is. I'd find it strange if their kids weren't the top priority. Friendships are different when you're an adult, they're not as convenient, you have to put a lot of work in, this might mean going out of your comfort zone and going to things alone and striking up conversations with people.

Might even be worth talking to friends from college more often, not just to meet up, just to talk. Then inevitably you will meet up with them etc.
Yeah I'm going to continue talking to people and join societies when I return back to uni.

The bold text - I know, that's what I'm saying. She has other commitments which is taking care of her child. So I understand that she wouldn't want todo much things with me so that's why I haven't asked her about anything else.
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(Original post by Xarao)
The real question is, are you going to change?
Change what? My personality?
(Original post by s.aureus)
I think weve talked before, but i feel the same
We probably have.. and it's so unfortunate
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If you're having difficulties making acquaintances at university (which is usually very easy), then it leads me to think there may be something abnormal about you (not necessarily in a bad way, just that you might be an atypical uni student).

1. Are you a guy or a girl?
2. Are you a mature student, or are you the standard age for a university student?
3. Do you have a non-typical cultural background? For example, do you come from a traditional, religious family that would make it difficult for you to immerse yourself in common student activities, like drinking, dating and partying?
4. Are you on a course where there's not a lot of people from a similar demographic as you (for example, a girl on a male-dominated engineering course)?
5. Are you shying away from opportunities to meet people your own age at uni? Are you in any societies? If so, how do their events normally go when you attend them? Do you get along with people and make any attempt at follow-up contact?
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If you're having difficulties making acquaintances at university (which is usually very easy), then it leads me to think there may be something abnormal about you (not necessarily in a bad way, just that you might be an atypical uni student).

1. Are you a guy or a girl?
2. Are you a mature student, or are you the standard age for a university student?
3. Do you have a non-typical cultural background? For example, do you come from a traditional, religious family that would make it difficult for you to immerse yourself in common student activities, like drinking, dating and partying?
4. Are you on a course where there's not a lot of people from a similar demographic as you (for example, a girl on a male-dominated engineering course)?
5. Are you shying away from opportunities to meet people your own age at uni? Are you in any societies? If so, how do their events normally go when you attend them? Do you get along with people and make any attempt at follow-up contact?
1. I'm a girl
2. I'm in the standard age for a uni student (20 years)
3. I'm from an ethnic/cultural background - however, I can participate in drinking, dating, partying and etc.
4. Yes to an extent - there are more girls on my course than boys, however..I'm the 2nd person of colour to be on my course.
5. Not shying away, I engage in interactions with people, especially with those on my course, I interact with the young girls (18-22) but we have no similar interests so it's like basic conversations... and the societies I joined when I first joined haven't been active so I gave up. I've been to some events (when they were active) and met new people, talked there and here, exchanged social media details. No conversations were followed after we met, I think some just want more followers on IG so it's like 😐
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