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My Boyfriend still has his ex’s things I don’t know what to think.

My boyfriend and I moved in together, we’ve been living together for a year. Decided to clean the closet to make more space and I found a bag with a charm bracelet (I’ve been hinting I wanted one for a while) with his and his ex’s initials , hearts and some other charms. I also found a ring with two hearts in that bag. He bought those for her not sure if she wore them or not their relationship was back in 2015 but for some reason he ended up with them and put them in the closet. I confronted him and he explained to me he forgot he had it and that he would get rid of it. This was about a week ago. Today I found the bag..again in his car in his glove compartment . Why doesn’t he just throw it away? Get rid of it? Does it bring back memories? Feelings? Idk what to do or think . btw he was engaged to her.

Reply 1

Truflais

Let people have their memories. I still have everything my ex bought for me and old letters etc just hidden away. I'm in a tee shirt he bought me right now. I don't have any romantic feelings towards him at all. That doesn't mean I need to bin every little reminder of him.

I understand you don't want to see those things but he shouldn't have to get rid of them imo.

Reply 2

Athematica

I understand that this bag of mementos might feel threatening to you. It speaks for a fond looking back at what was, by the sound of things, an important relationship. You might feel like he hasn't fully let go and maybe you're right about that.

Expecting that he'll tear down everything to do with this person and remove her and their relationship from their memory isn't reasonable. That said, maybe keeping it all in the open where you can both easily access it maybe isn't great either. I think forcing him to sever all ties with an important moment in his life is uncalled for. I think you ought to talk to him about it but instead of forcing his hand to completely discard what was before you explain that it makes you feel like he's still conflicted and living in the past and not with you, and that you don't like having to see reminders of it. I think that's completely understandable. It's quite normal if you were to feel a little insecure about it. Ask if maybe, even if he doesn't want to pawn everything of value, he might keep it in storage somewhere, in a loft or something similar.

You can't just expect him to rewrite his past with you in its place.