How often do you speak to your parents at uni?

I've just had a massive argument with my mum about how often we speak. I've been at uni for a year and I speak to my mum on the phone about 3 times a day. Its really stopped me from going out and doing things. For example if I decided on a whim I wanted to go the pub with some friends, i'd have to call her first or she'd keep calling till I answered, and if I didnt she'd keep calling and wouldnt rest till I spoke to her. Its so limiting. Why should I interupt hanging out with my friends to call my mum? I dont see anyone else doing that. And because we speak so often we never have anything productive to say. Its the same old c**p over and over again. Theres been nothing I can do about it, because she'd just keep calling till I answered and I feel blackmailed in a way. Its sort of like if I dont answer her calls and go along with her, then when I do relaly need to speak to her she wont be there and will be in a mood and really off. Its a horrible position to be in. Grrrrrr. I'm going to be strong and make sure that this doesnt continue. I'd say every other day would be more than enough. We'd probably have much more to talk about then too. Anyway my questions is....

How often do you speak to your parents while you're at uni? And is it different for guys and girls? I'm a girl.

Thanks for the vent!

Reply 1

Quinion

10

I could quite feasibly go a full 10 week term without speaking to my parents once. That hasn't happened yet, I tend to go home once a term for a couple of nights on average and if I'm phoning to ask a financial question or sort out the logistics of getting home or whatever, we'll chat for ages. But as a family we don't tend to need to communicate our existence to one another for the sake of it, I can see my sister being much the same when she starts uni in September.

Reply 2

NoQualms

Umm once a day or once every 2 days for about 5-15 mins....i don't understand why you can't be smart about things-call her twice during the day and if you decide to go out, call her before hand pretend your not up to much or are gonna go to bed-then thats it for the night she won't call you again-if you call her first.

Reply 3

username51312

15

Looks like your mum isnt working
Solution: keep asking for money every time she calls until she finds a job this way youll have double benefit

Reply 4

TOSCS

2

They usually ring once a week or so, I never miss them but I don't mind having a chat. I only ever ring them when I'm after money...

Reply 5

Danielle89

14

Usually every couple days she'll phone or send an email (high-tech mum lol) - she's got me as a magic number so gets free calls to me - when she does phone it's usually a 20-30min call in the early evening, so it's fine :smile:

Reply 6

happydinosaur

15

I don't really know. I just call them when I need to check something or if I'm bored or fed up. They only call me if we haven't spoken for a week or so to check I'm still alive or again if they need to tell me something.

Reply 7

Milady de Winter

I chat with my family every couple of days. Your mum does sound a bit excessive though, OP. Are you in your first year at university? If your mum is still adjusting to you being away from home, that might partially explain it.

One suggestion is to text her if she calls when you're about to go out. Something like: "Just off to pub, will call you later/tomorrow to say hi".

Reply 8

artorscience?

11

Try and get your mum onto texting you if she wants to check so much that you are still alive. Tell her politely, calmly and sensibly that you are an adult and need so space, that you cannot spend all your time in your flat as you have to go to lectures/the library/that you have friends and need to socialise with them and suggest that her phoning you is bad for your education and very stressful but that you'd be happy to text her/email her. Find something that leaves you both comfortable with the level of contact.

I ring my parents once a week-once a fortnight unless I actually have something important to say. My boyfriend has much more contact with his family, rings his mother most days and they are in constant email conversation...

Reply 9

peachy

1

I normally talk to my Dad maybe once a week, and my Mum maybe twice a week. My Mum comes on MSN every now and again so I chat to her then. My flatmates always getting calls from home though, she'll speak to her Mum a couple of times a day, and then her Dad, then her neighbour might phone...or her Nan...she's always talking to family...I don't know which is best, that hers want to talk to her all the time, or that mine don't seem to care :p:

hehe.

Reply 10

random_bloke

1

most days if i'm not busy; but if i've got something to do or mum phones when i'm out she'll just say "have a nice time and i'll speak to you some other time". Maybe your mum isnt coping that well with not having you around.

Reply 11

Straggler

13

..

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 12

Saffie

11

Theoretically my mum rings once a week. But it's more like once a fortnight. And the convo lasts 10 mins and isn't very exciting!!

My dad never rings. He rang once this year, when I was REALLY drunk after I got my results. :rolleyes:

Tell your mum that she's ridiculous.. OK maybe paraphrase that :p:

Reply 13

Barny

17

Once a week for 20 minutes for me, three times a day is frankly, a joke. It's easy to turn your phone off or have it on silent, you don't need to reply to her calls.

Reply 14

Sunnydazzleeyes

10

I didn't talk to my dad when I was at uni. Only when I needed to be picked up!
I rarely talk to my mum unless I need something. I only see them during the holidays. I talk to my sister on msn alot though, so she keeps me update. If nothing important is happening then we don't speak (parents). If I need more money I usually ring my mum. Not much contact between me and my parents just in emergencies and urgent situations!

Reply 15

Gren1TI

1

Hey, I’m not at uni but I have spent quite a bit of time away from home in the recent past.

I’m sure she may be being obsessive but think about it from her side for a second, she certainly misses you very much – and she cares a lot and possibly fears that you’ll grow apart if you don’t talk every 3 hours! :p:

Just reassure her that you’ll always keep in close contact and you’ll visit too, then politely ask to reduce the phone calls and I’m sure it’ll go fine!

Reply 16

Anonymous #2

Anonymous

I've just had a massive argument with my mum about how often we speak. I've been at uni for a year and I speak to my mum on the phone about 3 times a day. Its really stopped me from going out and doing things. For example if I decided on a whim I wanted to go the pub with some friends, i'd have to call her first or she'd keep calling till I answered, and if I didnt she'd keep calling and wouldnt rest till I spoke to her. Its so limiting. Why should I interupt hanging out with my friends to call my mum? I dont see anyone else doing that. And because we speak so often we never have anything productive to say. Its the same old c**p over and over again. Theres been nothing I can do about it, because she'd just keep calling till I answered and I feel blackmailed in a way. Its sort of like if I dont answer her calls and go along with her, then when I do relaly need to speak to her she wont be there and will be in a mood and really off. Its a horrible position to be in. Grrrrrr. I'm going to be strong and make sure that this doesnt continue. I'd say every other day would be more than enough. We'd probably have much more to talk about then too. Anyway my questions is....

How often do you speak to your parents while you're at uni? And is it different for guys and girls? I'm a girl.

Thanks for the vent!

I know exactly how you feel. I have to text and call whenever I go out and when I come back. And have to endure 3 texts a day and a 1/2 hour call every 2 days.. and that's only coz I'm an international student.. imagine if she lived in the same country as me!
It really is sucky.. but I can't seem to find a way out either .. and Im 20.

Reply 17

WhatTheFunk

17

once a week
maybe 1 or 2 more calls if i need money :p:

or if i need help on something or if i order something to go home to say whats coming

Reply 18

Redpanda91

15

My friend had to email home by 9pm every night and got in trouble if he didn't! :frown:

Felt really sorry for him! Controlling.. I dunno what my parents will make me do, but I know I'll ring home a lot anyway to begin with!

Reply 19

domlague

1

I call my mum most days, and talk for at least 20 minutes if I do, up to a maximum of around an hour. My mum and I get on like wildfire though (I get on OK with most people, so you can imagine how much I can talk if it's to family), so other people sometimes find it quite surprising. It's not at all hindering though - I love my mum very much, so I make a point of keeping in contact. Besides, we've quite similar views/pleasures in life/interests. I don't think there's a 'normal' amount of time to speak to family for!

- Just my 2p :wink:

,

- Dom

How often do you speak to your parents at uni?

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