My boyfriend says I’m overreacting, but am I really?

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Him and I have been dating for 2 and a half years and we are in a long distance relationship (we live in different countries and only see each other once a year for a month or two if we’re lucky).

He’s a joker and loves teasing me with things. I don’t mind playing jokes, but I do mind when he takes it too far. Especially when he teases me about other girls. For example sometimes he’ll stretch it a little too far and he’ll be like ‘she’s hot’ or ‘damn that ass/boobs’. He’s teasing me but at the same time I can see what he’s saying about those girls are true (about their face or bodies and all). I try to ignore it but it bothers me so much, and when he does say something like that I completely become quiet.

Before he would used to say sorry and make me feel better until I finally cheered up a little, but now he just says that I’m overreacting, insensitive and can’t take a joke. I try so much to control my anger and emotions but it just makes me feel so insecure about myself.

I’ve told him how I felt about this and he’s responded by saying “that’s me, that’s how I am. I always tease you and joke with you, what do you want a boring relationship without any jokes?” I said that I don’t mind jokes but I don’t like hearing anything about other girls. He said okay and said sorry but it still happens from time to time and the same situation happens.

He says im overreacting and being insensitive. That I just need to ‘take it and understand’. And I just end up crying thinking am I really that overreacting? I don’t even say anything mean to him I just stay quiet and explain myself.

He’s mentioned before that he’s tired. Tired of my ‘attitude’ and tired of saying sorry to me every time. I feel like it’s always my fault, and that my feelings don’t mean anything to him anymore. I just want him to understand that if he doesn’t say **** then it won’t even happen or be a problem.

Last night we were on the phone and he was telling me about a celebrity whose nudes apparently got leaked and his friend sent it to him. I rolled my eyes and said “Mm, yeah, so? They’re just nudes” trying to keep calm about it. And he said “yeah but they’re HER nudes” like wtf is that supposed to mean. He then sent it to me and asked did I see it yet and I was like uh yeah and he said ‘it’s so amazing right?’. To which I got mad and ended the call.

He messaged me saying ‘did you just end the call? Thanks Michelle :smile:

’

I said ‘I didn’t like what you said’
He replied ‘That’s nice of you’

I then wrote him a big paragraph explaining myself because I was so angry with him at this point.

He replied an hr later (after he cooled down I guess) saying ‘sorry baby if i said that, so sorry’ i replied saying its fine (but i was still a little mad, because his mood only became fine as he had time to cool off).

2hrs later he said ‘hope you’re fine there, im about to sleep now’

I replied ‘tbh I still feel a little pissed’

And he said ‘you’re really making me so happy :smile:

’ (clear sarcasm)

I said ‘im sorry but i just feel so so irritated like the worst in me just comes out when those things happen’

and his last response was when he woke up and it was just ‘applause and a clapping emoji’.

Idk what to do. He makes me feel so irrelevant of my feelings. Like its alwyas my fault and whenever I feel hurt he doesn’t account for it at all. Just blames it on me. He’s hot and cold towards me. I understand that I can’t expect my partner to always be perfect and not mess up, but this is just making me more confused. One minute im in love and next he gives me another reason to fall out of love. Any advice?

Reply 1

anosmianAcrimony

He repeatedly does things he knows hurt your feelings. You're not overreacting. I recommend getting rid of him or at the very least, telling him that if he continues doing these things you'll get rid of him.

What an awful attitude he's got!

Reply 2

thenbhd

You've stated your boundaries when it comes to jokes about other women and he's clearly ignoring you. Maybe sit down and have a proper chat with him about this. Make him aware that, whilst you still trust him, the jokes he makes are still making you uncomfortable. If he doesn't respect your boundaries after a serious and open conversation about them, then I'm afraid it's time to ditch him!