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My girlfriends lack of sex drive

We're both 18 and been together for about a year now and I feel like I always have to initiate any sexual intercourse. She has the contraceptive injection which I heard lowers sex drive but idk. She's never had a sex drive I'm her first ever boyfriend. The only time she becomes "in the mood" is when I'm like 2 minutes into giving her sexual pleasure. She never is in the mood to sext or anything. I feel like **** for asking for it and it makes me miserable and she's gets miserable about it when I ask and she says no. I always have to move her hand towards my crotch before anything happens. She doesn't masturbate or watch porn because she thinks it's not right. When we have sex,i make her orgasm but then she wants to stop. It's quite a big part in a relationship. I love her so much and want to stay with her because we have been through so much but it really impacts our relationship because of the arguing . Is there anything I can do?
Reply 1
My bf probably feels the same with me it can get frustrating but it can probably get frustrating to her as well to me I don’t feel in the mood but it’s just how I am however ofc I still do but just not a lot but it does get effected by contraception for me my pill can cause my sex drive to be lowered but for me it’s also because I wnat it to be special not just to get off I like romance and to me I’m Insecure and sometimes I worry I’ll get boring and seeing me won’t be that much of a wow but Im working on it but just be patient and moments will be moments when they happen they happen you can suggest or maybe try something new like really ease into sex
Reply 2
I hope it just is the contraception, I'm going to ask her to see if she will off it and see how she feels. We've had sex but I always have to start it. It's quite rare though. Maybe 1 time a week on the off chance she doesn't like the idea of new stuck. She'd rather just me finish and be done with it then we'd just cuddle and watch a movie or something then we'd be completely fine.
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
We're both 18 and been together for about a year now and I feel like I always have to initiate any sexual intercourse. She has the contraceptive injection which I heard lowers sex drive but idk. She's never had a sex drive I'm her first ever boyfriend. The only time she becomes "in the mood" is when I'm like 2 minutes into giving her sexual pleasure. She never is in the mood to sext or anything. I feel like **** for asking for it and it makes me miserable and she's gets miserable about it when I ask and she says no. I always have to move her hand towards my crotch before anything happens. She doesn't masturbate or watch porn because she thinks it's not right. When we have sex,i make her orgasm but then she wants to stop. It's quite a big part in a relationship. I love her so much and want to stay with her because we have been through so much but it really impacts our relationship because of the arguing . Is there anything I can do?

Yes. First thing is to find out if she actually thinks this is an issue. You do! It makes you miserable when she refuses. She argues because she does not understand yiyr feelings and it could also be a method by which she controls you. She gets sex on her terms only; this what her behaviour tells you!
Does she ever mention solutions to the problem or does she not care about your needs enough to sort this problem out?
You can find out by doing the following: Ask her why she thinks masturbation is wrong but orgasms are ok for her to have. And what does porn actually mean to her? if she is not willing to talk without arguing and getting annoyed then surely that is a red flag for you?
Next, ask her about sex therapy, counselling, CBT etc. If she is not interested then she does not value the relationship as much as you do.
And so you will have to decide whether to let her go or to put up with a sexless relationship.
Reply 4
Original post by mgi
Yes. First thing is to find out if she actually thinks this is an issue. You do! It makes you miserable when she refuses. She argues because she does not understand yiyr feelings and it could also be a method by which she controls you. She gets sex on her terms only; this what her behaviour tells you!
Does she ever mention solutions to the problem or does she not care about your needs enough to sort this problem out?
You can find out by doing the following: Ask her why she thinks masturbation is wrong but orgasms are ok for her to have. And what does porn actually mean to her? if she is not willing to talk without arguing and getting annoyed then surely that is a red flag for you?
Next, ask her about sex therapy, counselling, CBT etc. If she is not interested then she does not value the relationship as much as you do.
And so you will have to decide whether to let her go or to put up with a sexless relationship.

I've asked her before and she said she doesn't mind. She said she's tried before but she cannot pleasure herself and prefers me to do it. She just laughs about porn and calls it weird. She wouldn't ever do sex therapy or anything like that because she is quite shy and likes to keep things to herself. I'll be sure to talk to her about my needs and stuff though. Thanks for the response
talk to her about it. but you should just accept that everyone is different as is our sex drives and that is something people cannot change. therefore you need to decide whats more important to you - keeping your relationship or having lots of sex. and theres nothing wrong in saying that you'd prefer lots of sex, like i said she can't help the way she is (having a low sex drive) and likewise you can't help the way you are (having a high one)
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous
I've asked her before and she said she doesn't mind. She said she's tried before but she cannot pleasure herself and prefers me to do it. She just laughs about porn and calls it weird. She wouldn't ever do sex therapy or anything like that because she is quite shy and likes to keep things to herself. I'll be sure to talk to her about my needs and stuff though. Thanks for the response

"She wouldn't ever do sex therapy or anything like that because she is quite shy and likes to keep things to herself. " I don't buy her excuses! She gets off when she is ready and on her terms while making excuses about being shy and not having therapy. She does not mind you rubbing her cl..t though or penetrating her ,on her terms only, but thinks masturbation is weird.!? lol.
It is too much about her,-selfish? does she like receiving oral? does she give it?
Reply 7
Original post by mgi
"She wouldn't ever do sex therapy or anything like that because she is quite shy and likes to keep things to herself. " I don't buy her excuses! She gets off when she is ready and on her terms while making excuses about being shy and not having therapy. She does not mind you rubbing her cl..t though or penetrating her ,on her terms only, but thinks masturbation is weird.!? lol.
It is too much about her,-selfish? does she like receiving oral? does she give it?

She doesn't like receiving oral and sometimes she does give it.she only gets turned on when i rub her g spot and once she orgasms she just like gives up
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous
She doesn't like receiving oral and sometimes she does give it.she only gets turned on when i rub her g spot and once she orgasms she just like gives up

exactly. it's all about her! she does not want to change to make it better for you
Find a girl to dump it into then and don't pressure or use your girl when you're horny. Just leave her. Like some ppl stay single because they just want sex. Sounds horrible but it's better than dating someone just for sex but "it's justified because we're together". Not saying you are but make sure you don't turn it into that...
Original post by Anonymous
We're both 18 and been together for about a year now and I feel like I always have to initiate any sexual intercourse. She has the contraceptive injection which I heard lowers sex drive but idk. She's never had a sex drive I'm her first ever boyfriend. The only time she becomes "in the mood" is when I'm like 2 minutes into giving her sexual pleasure. She never is in the mood to sext or anything. I feel like **** for asking for it and it makes me miserable and she's gets miserable about it when I ask and she says no. I always have to move her hand towards my crotch before anything happens. She doesn't masturbate or watch porn because she thinks it's not right. When we have sex,i make her orgasm but then she wants to stop. It's quite a big part in a relationship. I love her so much and want to stay with her because we have been through so much but it really impacts our relationship because of the arguing . Is there anything I can do?

Congratulations - you are dating a normal woman.
That's a big red flag if someone stops sex after they get their pleasure. It should be both

Edit: blame the above user for making me post in this one year old thread
(edited 2 years ago)

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