Loneliness at University
I currently finished my first year at university and I honestly hate it soo much!! The course I am doing it decent but i'm not
sure if it's the career path for me. In my course, there are probably only 5 girls and the rest are boys. I am not used to conversing with boys as I previously went to a girls school and I am very shy. I have been shy almost all my life and although I am not medically diagnosed with anxiety, I do think I suffer from it.
Anyway, I find it extremely difficult to make friends. I have one girl I hang around with on some days but she barely attends. One girl spends more time with her flatmates and one girl I just don't like. I struggle making convo with the other two girls. The boys in my course, although they are nice. I can never imagine being buddy buddy with them and talking about my life problems or celeb gossip.
We had to do a group project and nobody wanted me in theirs and it made me cry at home. Honestly I just need to rant because i've just been holding it in. I was trying to explain to my sister and she just doesn't get it and was like those are suppose to be your best years. If these are suppose to be my best years then fml. I don't think I can handle another two years.
Anyway thank you for listening to my ted talk. Lol
sure if it's the career path for me. In my course, there are probably only 5 girls and the rest are boys. I am not used to conversing with boys as I previously went to a girls school and I am very shy. I have been shy almost all my life and although I am not medically diagnosed with anxiety, I do think I suffer from it.
Anyway, I find it extremely difficult to make friends. I have one girl I hang around with on some days but she barely attends. One girl spends more time with her flatmates and one girl I just don't like. I struggle making convo with the other two girls. The boys in my course, although they are nice. I can never imagine being buddy buddy with them and talking about my life problems or celeb gossip.
We had to do a group project and nobody wanted me in theirs and it made me cry at home. Honestly I just need to rant because i've just been holding it in. I was trying to explain to my sister and she just doesn't get it and was like those are suppose to be your best years. If these are suppose to be my best years then fml. I don't think I can handle another two years.
Anyway thank you for listening to my ted talk. Lol
Awh honestly I feel you! I just finished first year uni and I thought I would be having the time of my life Lmao. It’s sad because my high school friends were just a bad influence so I cut them off, and I don’t stay in touch with my friends from sixth form anymore either... honestly thought I would try my best to make friends in uni but I’ve made just one. Just one 😂😂
And as for the crying when you got home, gosh that broke my heart, but boyyyy can I relate to that lol. It would make me so anxious when it comes to group projects or even pairs because nobody would ever choose me. But Yk what you just have to convince yourself that you’re a bad *****. Tell yourself that you’re perfectly capable of doing a better job than all those people in groups put together. Believe in yourself and your confidence will soon start to show. If people don’t choose you or you find it hard to make friends in your uni then honestly it’s THEIR LOSS. When they start to see your confidence shining they’ll wish they were grouped up with you loool. So chin up & thank you for listening to my ted talk too! 🤣
And as for the crying when you got home, gosh that broke my heart, but boyyyy can I relate to that lol. It would make me so anxious when it comes to group projects or even pairs because nobody would ever choose me. But Yk what you just have to convince yourself that you’re a bad *****. Tell yourself that you’re perfectly capable of doing a better job than all those people in groups put together. Believe in yourself and your confidence will soon start to show. If people don’t choose you or you find it hard to make friends in your uni then honestly it’s THEIR LOSS. When they start to see your confidence shining they’ll wish they were grouped up with you loool. So chin up & thank you for listening to my ted talk too! 🤣
So sorry to hear 
This must be incredibly stressful as I remember what it was like to be in this position. You’re lucky as a first year as you have very flexible options.
The option to change course is there if you dislike the course you’ve taken, and it is generally very easy to be accepted if you’re already enrolled in said university. You can also continue on with your current course and try to talk to others from your university (outside of your course) online, there are often many things online that connect you to other students I.e. group chats and Facebook groups. The other option is to change university completely - get a fresh start - which could be better for you. Whichever feels better
Obviously I don’t know you personally so all I can say is university is definitely scary! I had no confidence when I first joined but now I would talk to a stranger on the street. I know it’s hard and scary but establishing friends online first makes things a lot easier.
Let me know if you want any advice at all - or feel free to ignore this as it’s entirely your decision. You make your own path!
From a soon to be 3rd year
This must be incredibly stressful as I remember what it was like to be in this position. You’re lucky as a first year as you have very flexible options. The option to change course is there if you dislike the course you’ve taken, and it is generally very easy to be accepted if you’re already enrolled in said university. You can also continue on with your current course and try to talk to others from your university (outside of your course) online, there are often many things online that connect you to other students I.e. group chats and Facebook groups. The other option is to change university completely - get a fresh start - which could be better for you. Whichever feels better
Obviously I don’t know you personally so all I can say is university is definitely scary! I had no confidence when I first joined but now I would talk to a stranger on the street. I know it’s hard and scary but establishing friends online first makes things a lot easier.
Let me know if you want any advice at all - or feel free to ignore this as it’s entirely your decision. You make your own path!
From a soon to be 3rd year
Original post by Anonymous
I currently finished my first year at university and I honestly hate it soo much!! The course I am doing it decent but i'm not
sure if it's the career path for me. In my course, there are probably only 5 girls and the rest are boys. I am not used to conversing with boys as I previously went to a girls school and I am very shy. I have been shy almost all my life and although I am not medically diagnosed with anxiety, I do think I suffer from it.
Anyway, I find it extremely difficult to make friends. I have one girl I hang around with on some days but she barely attends. One girl spends more time with her flatmates and one girl I just don't like. I struggle making convo with the other two girls. The boys in my course, although they are nice. I can never imagine being buddy buddy with them and talking about my life problems or celeb gossip.
We had to do a group project and nobody wanted me in theirs and it made me cry at home. Honestly I just need to rant because i've just been holding it in. I was trying to explain to my sister and she just doesn't get it and was like those are suppose to be your best years. If these are suppose to be my best years then fml. I don't think I can handle another two years.
Anyway thank you for listening to my ted talk. Lol
sure if it's the career path for me. In my course, there are probably only 5 girls and the rest are boys. I am not used to conversing with boys as I previously went to a girls school and I am very shy. I have been shy almost all my life and although I am not medically diagnosed with anxiety, I do think I suffer from it.
Anyway, I find it extremely difficult to make friends. I have one girl I hang around with on some days but she barely attends. One girl spends more time with her flatmates and one girl I just don't like. I struggle making convo with the other two girls. The boys in my course, although they are nice. I can never imagine being buddy buddy with them and talking about my life problems or celeb gossip.
We had to do a group project and nobody wanted me in theirs and it made me cry at home. Honestly I just need to rant because i've just been holding it in. I was trying to explain to my sister and she just doesn't get it and was like those are suppose to be your best years. If these are suppose to be my best years then fml. I don't think I can handle another two years.
Anyway thank you for listening to my ted talk. Lol
Hey!
I'm really sorry you are feeling like this! I've sometimes had similar feelings and its the worst. University definitely can be the 'best years', but for some, it just isn't, and that's okay.
Everyone experiences things differently!Although there aren't many girls on your course, if you haven't already, have you thought about joining any societies where you could meet some? A lot of my friends have been made through societies and friends of friends rather than people on my course. At first, I was super nervous and anxious going to societies on my own but I've made some great friends that way, and would definitely recommend it.
If you want to change your course, now is the perfect time as student finance give you a year leeway sort of situation! I'd recommend getting in touch with your tutor, or head of year etc to discuss this, or maybe even the careers team at your university to help with ideas about your career path.
Hope that helps a little!
Courtney -- Official Student Rep
Original post by fchy27
Awh honestly I feel you! I just finished first year uni and I thought I would be having the time of my life Lmao. It’s sad because my high school friends were just a bad influence so I cut them off, and I don’t stay in touch with my friends from sixth form anymore either... honestly thought I would try my best to make friends in uni but I’ve made just one. Just one 😂😂
And as for the crying when you got home, gosh that broke my heart, but boyyyy can I relate to that lol. It would make me so anxious when it comes to group projects or even pairs because nobody would ever choose me. But Yk what you just have to convince yourself that you’re a bad *****. Tell yourself that you’re perfectly capable of doing a better job than all those people in groups put together. Believe in yourself and your confidence will soon start to show. If people don’t choose you or you find it hard to make friends in your uni then honestly it’s THEIR LOSS. When they start to see your confidence shining they’ll wish they were grouped up with you loool. So chin up & thank you for listening to my ted talk too! 🤣
And as for the crying when you got home, gosh that broke my heart, but boyyyy can I relate to that lol. It would make me so anxious when it comes to group projects or even pairs because nobody would ever choose me. But Yk what you just have to convince yourself that you’re a bad *****. Tell yourself that you’re perfectly capable of doing a better job than all those people in groups put together. Believe in yourself and your confidence will soon start to show. If people don’t choose you or you find it hard to make friends in your uni then honestly it’s THEIR LOSS. When they start to see your confidence shining they’ll wish they were grouped up with you loool. So chin up & thank you for listening to my ted talk too! 🤣
Heya. Thanks for your advice. I hope things improve for you next year as well. I was just having a bad moment eek. One quick question which you don't need to answer but are you asian?
Original post by ej2345
So sorry to hear This must be incredibly stressful as I remember what it was like to be in this position. You’re lucky as a first year as you have very flexible options.
The option to change course is there if you dislike the course you’ve taken, and it is generally very easy to be accepted if you’re already enrolled in said university. You can also continue on with your current course and try to talk to others from your university (outside of your course) online, there are often many things online that connect you to other students I.e. group chats and Facebook groups. The other option is to change university completely - get a fresh start - which could be better for you. Whichever feels better
Obviously I don’t know you personally so all I can say is university is definitely scary! I had no confidence when I first joined but now I would talk to a stranger on the street. I know it’s hard and scary but establishing friends online first makes things a lot easier.
Let me know if you want any advice at all - or feel free to ignore this as it’s entirely your decision. You make your own path!
From a soon to be 3rd year
This must be incredibly stressful as I remember what it was like to be in this position. You’re lucky as a first year as you have very flexible options. The option to change course is there if you dislike the course you’ve taken, and it is generally very easy to be accepted if you’re already enrolled in said university. You can also continue on with your current course and try to talk to others from your university (outside of your course) online, there are often many things online that connect you to other students I.e. group chats and Facebook groups. The other option is to change university completely - get a fresh start - which could be better for you. Whichever feels better
Obviously I don’t know you personally so all I can say is university is definitely scary! I had no confidence when I first joined but now I would talk to a stranger on the street. I know it’s hard and scary but establishing friends online first makes things a lot easier.
Let me know if you want any advice at all - or feel free to ignore this as it’s entirely your decision. You make your own path!
From a soon to be 3rd year
Thank you! This was a helpful post and I have decided to look into going to a different uni. I wasn't 100% into the course I was doing and I think that's sad especially how expensive it is. I just think surrounding myself with ppl with similar interests will give me more confidence. I can't deal with another person speaking to me whilst they stare at their phone.
Original post by University of Portsmouth Student Rep
Hey!
I'm really sorry you are feeling like this! I've sometimes had similar feelings and its the worst. University definitely can be the 'best years', but for some, it just isn't, and that's okay. Everyone experiences things differently!
Although there aren't many girls on your course, if you haven't already, have you thought about joining any societies where you could meet some? A lot of my friends have been made through societies and friends of friends rather than people on my course. At first, I was super nervous and anxious going to societies on my own but I've made some great friends that way, and would definitely recommend it.
If you want to change your course, now is the perfect time as student finance give you a year leeway sort of situation! I'd recommend getting in touch with your tutor, or head of year etc to discuss this, or maybe even the careers team at your university to help with ideas about your career path.
Hope that helps a little!
Courtney -- Official Student Rep
I'm really sorry you are feeling like this! I've sometimes had similar feelings and its the worst. University definitely can be the 'best years', but for some, it just isn't, and that's okay.
Everyone experiences things differently!Although there aren't many girls on your course, if you haven't already, have you thought about joining any societies where you could meet some? A lot of my friends have been made through societies and friends of friends rather than people on my course. At first, I was super nervous and anxious going to societies on my own but I've made some great friends that way, and would definitely recommend it.
If you want to change your course, now is the perfect time as student finance give you a year leeway sort of situation! I'd recommend getting in touch with your tutor, or head of year etc to discuss this, or maybe even the careers team at your university to help with ideas about your career path.
Hope that helps a little!
Courtney -- Official Student Rep
Hi,
I think you're right! I may have to bite the bullet and join a society when I get the chance. I hope it works!
I'm so sorry you're going through this, I had a similar experience when I went to uni (I'm 23 and starting a course in September but this uni experience was in 2016!).
I was in a toxic relationship and wasn't close with my school friends anymore, I was totally alone! And to make the situation worse I didn't click with people on my course at all. I became extremely lonely. I made one friend in my halls and I wouldn't have made it through first year without that friendship but I was barely hanging on. In my second year I decided enough was enough and I decided to withdraw. For me it was the course and my quality of student life. It took me a while to feel like myself again but fortunately I found something I really enjoy and I'm excited to go back to uni. I am in a new, happier relationship but my school friendships didn't recover and I ended up falling out with my one friend from uni! I don't feel lonely because I'm happier now but I am nervous about being lonely again when I go back to uni. Last time I didn't make as much of an effort as I could have, so this time I'm going to start by joining a few societies and hopefully I'll make some friends that way!
I see you're considering finding a different university, which is a big decision for sure, but I don't think you would regret it! I'm not suggesting dropping out, but for similar reasons leaving my course was the best thing for me. I'm often told it was a brave decision! So think of it that way if you decide to change. Not everyone would have the confidence to make a big change, so if you think it's right: go for it!
I was in a toxic relationship and wasn't close with my school friends anymore, I was totally alone! And to make the situation worse I didn't click with people on my course at all. I became extremely lonely. I made one friend in my halls and I wouldn't have made it through first year without that friendship but I was barely hanging on. In my second year I decided enough was enough and I decided to withdraw. For me it was the course and my quality of student life. It took me a while to feel like myself again but fortunately I found something I really enjoy and I'm excited to go back to uni. I am in a new, happier relationship but my school friendships didn't recover and I ended up falling out with my one friend from uni! I don't feel lonely because I'm happier now but I am nervous about being lonely again when I go back to uni. Last time I didn't make as much of an effort as I could have, so this time I'm going to start by joining a few societies and hopefully I'll make some friends that way!
I see you're considering finding a different university, which is a big decision for sure, but I don't think you would regret it! I'm not suggesting dropping out, but for similar reasons leaving my course was the best thing for me. I'm often told it was a brave decision! So think of it that way if you decide to change. Not everyone would have the confidence to make a big change, so if you think it's right: go for it!
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you! This was a helpful post and I have decided to look into going to a different uni. I wasn't 100% into the course I was doing and I think that's sad especially how expensive it is. I just think surrounding myself with ppl with similar interests will give me more confidence. I can't deal with another person speaking to me whilst they stare at their phone.
That’s great! Good luck, I hope you can find some likeminded people and a course that’s better for you. Let us know how you get on!
Original post by Anonymous
Heya. Thanks for your advice. I hope things improve for you next year as well. I was just having a bad moment eek. One quick question which you don't need to answer but are you asian?
No problem 💕 & believe me, I have lots of those bad moments 😫And yeah, I’m asian, Bengali specifically lol, why?
Hey I just want to say the people who didn't want you to be in their group did not see your value which is their problem! You shouldn't waste your energy being upset over them or anyone else. You deserve to give yourself that time. Chin up, I bet you'll do great wherever you go x
(edited 3 years ago)
Original post by fchy27
No problem 💕 & believe me, I have lots of those bad moments 😫And yeah, I’m asian, Bengali specifically lol, why?
Omg you're bengali as well. Just that I was surrounded by a lot of asians in my secondary school and they write/speak in a similar way to you 😅😅
Original post by StarGirlie12
Hey I just want to say the people who didn't want you to be in their group did not see your value which is their problem! You shouldn't waste your energy being upset over them or anyone else. You deserve to give yourself that time. Chin up, I bet you'll do great wherever you go x
This made me smile. Thank you!
Original post by Anonymous
Omg you're bengali as well. Just that I was surrounded by a lot of asians in my secondary school and they write/speak in a similar way to you 😅😅
Lol oh no 🙉 my siblings say that about me, because I went to a secondary school full of asian friends while they went to a very mixed school. Apparently I was “posh” once upon a time now I’ve just dumbed down 😂😂 but are you asian? Because if you are you don’t sound it 🤣
Hahaha whoops I don't mean it in a bad way! 😂 lol no i'm somali
Original post by Anonymous
Hahaha whoops I don't mean it in a bad way! 😂 lol no i'm somali
Loool that’s what they all say 🤣😪 & Ooh somali you guys know how to have bants 😂
Don't worry you're not alone (or weren't alone) my second year of uni was my most loneliness experience I've ever felt. My first year was fine as I was surrounded by people and actually had "friends". I'll be starting third year hopefully soon, by then I would have changed and had enough time to just focus on building myself etc. Who cares if I don't find friends in third year I'm bound to find friends after.
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